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This is hilarious! One of the best I've read. Enjoy.
Subject: Christmas Party Invitation
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees and Guests
DATE: October 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at
the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll
have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among
employees
can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to
make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is
only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that
time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music
for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for
you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the
restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there
will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person
asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We
will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All ****ing Employees
DATE: October 05, 2003
RE: The ****ing Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****ing salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and
die,
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone
the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
:D :D :D
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That is friggin hilarious....:D
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Originally posted by Dr. Eagle
That is friggin hilarious....:D
Thanks Doc, I agree with you.:D
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Originally posted by LASERRAY
Thanks Doc, I agree with you.:D
What is scary is that it is soooo true.......:(
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Originally posted by Dr. Eagle
What is scary is that it is soooo true.......:(
It's a sign of the times I guess. "We don't want to offend anybody". Thank the lawlers for this bullshit.
It goes like this : Lets listening to the ASSES, not the MASSES! ie. the squeekey wheel gets the oil.
I say MAJORITY RULES! The Majority of people want something to happen or to not take place. But for some reason the minority wins out? WTF?
Then at work they tell people to just act like themselves. Well, that's a contridiction when they tell us what to act like, what to say, and what not to say. What you can, and can't wear, what you can and can't keep on your desk.
If we can't laugh at the differences between us then what's the initial point of "just being yourself" Well they want you to just be yourself WHILE CONFORMING!:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
