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Thread: Canada

  1. #1
    Kim Hanson
    If the States finally got fed up with us Canadians and decided to launch an attack against us, here is what would prevent them from doing so.
    1: Canada is an upper class country, not like Afghanistan and Iraq.
    2: Bush would take two years to figure out where Canada is on the map.
    3: The snowstorm of the century for the States may be like the small flurry we had in June.
    4: Every Canadian over the age of four is trained to kill with a hockey stick.
    5: We'll take over the northern eastern states by putting Molson Canadian beer in their water system, which will convert them into Canadians.
    6: The Hockey lockout really pissed us off; attacking us now would be suicide.
    7: We've made more friends, so we'll be sure to have allies.
    8: Nothing can get pass our elite beaver squad!
    9: We will use our old Seaking helicopters as projectiles for our advanced catapults.
    10: As a peace offering *because we're so damn nice* we'll give you Quebec, because to be honest, they don't like the whole idea of Canada anyway.
    In conclusion, America's dream of taking over Canada is easier said then done... *I know it's not every American's dream to do so, but from what I gathered, alot of them do.*..........( . )( . ).............

  2. #2
    Kim Hanson
    in a old old plane there are 3 peeps. there is a CANADIAN dude, GAY AMARICAN , and a japaneese dude.
    the plane is old and they have to lose some weight fast!! So one peep has to jump of and die so the japaneese dude says " I am loyal and will jump for japan!!!"...... and jumps and dies.
    The plane is still goin to crash if it doesn't lose weight fast so another has to jump.....
    so the CANADIAN guy goes "canada is the best and I will do what is best for my country"...
    instead of jumping he pushes the GAY AMARICAN off!!!!(a.k.a Goerge Bush)..........( . )( . )............

  3. #3
    Kim Hanson
    Theres 100 people on a plane. 99 are American and 1 is Canadian.
    All of a sudden there is an explosion and a hole rips through the bottom of the plane. Everyone falls through but they all manage to hold on to the ledge. An American guy yells out "It's too heavy! One of us has to let go!"
    All the Americans turn and look at the Canadian guy.
    The Canadian guy says "Fine I'll do it. But before I do..." And he starts giving this long speech. An hour later he finishes the speech and all the Americans clap!............( . )( . ).........

  4. #4
    Kim Hanson
    To the citizens of the United States of America...
    In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.) Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
    1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee'). You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
    2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.
    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents – Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
    4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
    5. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
    The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion........( . )( . )..........

  5. #5
    Kim Hanson
    An American T-shirt company has a solution for fellow
    citizens who want to vacation in Europe without having to answer questions about U.S. politics: pose as Canadians.
    For $24.95 US (about $30 Cdn), T-shirtKing.com offers the "Go Canadian"
    package, full of just the kind of things an American traveller needs to leave
    home and its politics behind. There's a Canadian flag T-shirt, a Canadian flag lapel pin and a Canadian patch for luggage or a backpack. There's also a quick reference guide - "How to Speak Canadian, Eh?" - on answering questions about Canada.
    It's the brainchild of employees at the Mountainair, N.M.-based company known for novelty T-shirts it sells worldwide on the Internet.
    The Go Canadian idea sprouted after one of company president Bill Broadbent's colleagues heard of someone being harassed about U.S. politics during a recent overseas trip........( . )( . ).................

  6. #6
    Biglue
    If the States finally got fed up with us Canadians and decided to launch an attack against us, here is what would prevent them from doing so.
    1: Canada is an upper class country, not like Afghanistan and Iraq.
    2: Bush would take two years to figure out where Canada is on the map.
    3: The snowstorm of the century for the States may be like the small flurry we had in June.
    4: Every Canadian over the age of four is trained to kill with a hockey stick.
    5: We'll take over the northern eastern states by putting Molson Canadian beer in their water system, which will convert them into Canadians.
    6: The Hockey lockout really pissed us off; attacking us now would be suicide.
    7: We've made more friends, so we'll be sure to have allies.
    8: Nothing can get pass our elite beaver squad!
    9: We will use our old Seaking helicopters as projectiles for our advanced catapults.
    10: As a peace offering *because we're so damn nice* we'll give you Quebec, because to be honest, they don't like the whole idea of Canada anyway.
    In conclusion, America's dream of taking over Canada is easier said then done... *I know it's not every American's dream to do so, but from what I gathered, alot of them do.*..........( . )( . ).............
    You would have to get all the Royal mounted police to stop gang raping elk and get guns first.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    4,974
    We just thank Canada for keeping you there. Thank you Thank you Thank you

  8. #8
    Kim Hanson
    We just thank Canada for keeping you there. Thank you Thank you Thank you
    I like it here, no smog , drivebys or handguns.........( . )( . ).......I thought about moving to the States and then I woke up, it was just a bad dream...

  9. #9
    Biglue
    I like it here, no smog , drivebys or handguns.........( . )( . ).......I thought about moving to the States and then I woke up, it was just a bad dream...
    Don't forget the elk....plentiful elk.

  10. #10
    Kim Hanson
    Don't forget the elk....plentiful elk.
    In Elk Island Park and Banff maybe, moose are around here.........( . )( . ).......

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