Dear Santa,
I have been a good Boy.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Kim's Christmas party. It was Hooli who spiked the punch with too much Cereal in a can. I can't help it if I drank 69 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like turds.
I thought it was funny when I put Rex's chaps on my head and danced the waltz on the loveseat while singing `fat bottomed girls'. I didn't mean to break Kim's computer and don't know why Kim would sue me for Indecent exposure.
I don't remember calling Riverdave's wife a stupid donkey---even though she looked like one with brown eye shadow and yellow lipstick!
And when I threw up on FM's husband's penis, it was only because I ate too much of that cheddar.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Maxima through my neighbor's bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a ugly goat and have me arrested for speeding!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all dark and foul. And I'm really not to blame for any of this stupid stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and quickly yours,
Tom Brown (Really a nice Boy!)
P.S. It's only 2 bucks!
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