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Thread: Thoughts!

  1. #1
    Jbb
    Strange Thoughts for the day
    1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
    2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
    3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
    4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
    5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
    6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
    7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
    8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
    9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
    10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
    11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
    12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
    13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
    14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
    15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

  2. #2
    Jbb
    This would explain Professor Rd's Phd...
    It's Pure Science
    This is not only philosophical but is obviously pure science.
    A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
    This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
    In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
    In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
    So that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!

  3. #3
    Her454
    RiverDave:
    I wonder if watching all those episodes of cheers made me this way?
    RD So who do you most resemble.....Cliff, or Norm? LOL. Sam?

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