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Thread: 'How Many' jokes

  1. #1
    twistedpair
    How many kids with A.D.D does it take to screw in a light bulb?................................Hey, you wanna go ride bikes?

  2. #2
    jlnorthrup122
    Thats a good....... what beer are you drinking?

  3. #3
    twistedpair
    Thanks, drinkin' Sol.......................what was the question again?

  4. #4
    jlnorthrup122
    The queation was.......I think I will have fun taking the kids to see the monster trucks!

  5. #5
    MRS FLYIN VEE
    there was a pirate who walked into a bar. he had a parret on his shoulder, a wooden leg from the knee down and a steering well in his pant's. the bar tender asked " do you know you have a steering wheel in your pant's" the pirate said " arg yah i do , It's drivin me nutts"

  6. #6
    twistedpair
    Here's one for FM
    You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
    You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
    You sleep with your eyes open.
    You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
    The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
    You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
    You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
    Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
    You chew on other people's fingernails.
    The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
    You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
    You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
    You can jump-start your car without cables.
    You don't sweat, you percolate.
    You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
    You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
    You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
    People get dizzy just watching you.
    Instant coffee takes too long.
    You channel surf faster without a remote.
    You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
    You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
    You short out motion detectors.
    You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
    Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
    You help your dog chase its tail.
    You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
    Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
    You ski uphill.
    You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
    You answer the door before people knock.
    You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
    [ August 08, 2003, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: twistedpair ]

  7. #7
    FMluvswater
    How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
    Golden Retriever:
    The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
    Border Collie:
    Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
    Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
    Rottweiler: Make me.
    Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
    Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
    German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
    Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
    walls and furniture.
    Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a lightbulb?
    Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
    dark.
    Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
    Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
    Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
    Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little
    circle
    Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By
    the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
    The Cat's Answer:
    "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
    ALL OF WHICH PROVES ONCE AGAIN THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS ... CATS HAVE STAFF.

  8. #8
    Debbolas
    Originally posted by MRS FLYIN VEE
    there was a pirate who walked into a bar. he had a parret on his shoulder, a wooden leg from the knee down and a steering well in his pant's. the bar tender asked " do you know you have a steering wheel in your pant's" the pirate said " arg yah i do , It's drivin me nutts"
    LMAO
    too funny
    I will have to remember that joke to accessorize my pirate swim suit....
    LOVE The dog joke, that is so my lab...

  9. #9
    MRS FLYIN VEE
    you have to say it in your best pirate voice. LOL!! thanks.

  10. #10
    Debbolas
    Arrrg, thar be wenches..........

    What do you think about a eyepatch?
    (too much)

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