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Thread: P.C. Office Christmas Party!

  1. #1
    LASERRAY
    This is hilarious! One of the best I've read. Enjoy.
    Subject: Christmas Party Invitation
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees and Guests
    DATE: October 01, 2003
    RE: Christmas Party
    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
    place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at
    the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll
    have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
    And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
    Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among
    employees
    can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to
    make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is
    only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that
    time!
    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    Patty
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 02, 2003
    RE: Holiday Party
    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
    employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
    often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
    However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
    policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those
    still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
    present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music
    for your enjoyment.
    Happy now?
    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    Patty
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 03, 2003
    RE: Holiday Party
    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
    happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
    reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
    to handle this?
    Somebody?
    Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
    the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
    believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
    NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    To: All Employees
    DATE: October 04, 2003
    RE: Holiday Party
    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
    daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
    a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
    employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
    your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for
    you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
    Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
    from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
    the
    restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
    have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there
    will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person
    asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We
    will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
    available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
    food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste
    first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
    restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
    Did I miss anything?!?!?
    Patty
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All ****ing Employees
    DATE: October 05, 2003
    RE: The ****ing Holiday Party
    Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
    this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
    sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
    quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****ing salad bar, including
    organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
    scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
    scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and
    die,
    The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
    FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: October 06, 2003
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
    management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone
    the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
    Happy Holidays!

  2. #2
    Dr. Eagle
    That is friggin hilarious....

  3. #3
    LASERRAY
    Originally posted by Dr. Eagle
    That is friggin hilarious....
    Thanks Doc, I agree with you.

  4. #4
    Dr. Eagle
    Originally posted by LASERRAY
    Thanks Doc, I agree with you.
    What is scary is that it is soooo true.......

  5. #5
    LASERRAY
    Originally posted by Dr. Eagle
    What is scary is that it is soooo true.......
    It's a sign of the times I guess. "We don't want to offend anybody". Thank the lawlers for this bullshit.
    It goes like this : Lets listening to the ASSES, not the MASSES! ie. the squeekey wheel gets the oil.
    I say MAJORITY RULES! The Majority of people want something to happen or to not take place. But for some reason the minority wins out? WTF?
    Then at work they tell people to just act like themselves. Well, that's a contridiction when they tell us what to act like, what to say, and what not to say. What you can, and can't wear, what you can and can't keep on your desk.
    If we can't laugh at the differences between us then what's the initial point of "just being yourself" Well they want you to just be yourself WHILE CONFORMING!

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