Page 1 of 9 12345 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 89

Thread: The Truth About P O S T W H O R I N G

  1. #1
    MagicMtnDan
    Note: Hot Boat Forum has decided to protect us all from the use of the word W H O R E by using asterisks instead so P O S T W H O R E becomes "P O S T * * * * * " - thanks Hot Boat! You guys really are looking out for us! (Ooops - looks like it's OK to use the word ***** if it's capitalize but not if it's not - I'm sure they'll fix that)
    Good evening, students. Tonight we will be discussing the Post *****, and his/her relevance to the Hot Boat Forum community. Please be seated.
    My name is Emma Wanker, associate professor of psychology at Hot Boat University. My colleague, professor River Dave, is on holiday and has asked me to administer this portion of the Newbies curriculum. You may have been previously informed that this lecture was to begin at 9PM Arizona Time. I apologize, but since not even people in Arizona know what time it is, many of our students will be a couple of hours late. Please do not worry, as I will be repeating this lecture at 9 PM Pacific Time. Whatever time that may happen to be in Arizona.
    The term 'Post *****' is often spoken in spite, as if one was a member of a community whose input provided no benefit. However, as we shall see, Post-Whoring, when properly applied, can bring a wealth of diversity and entertainment to any online community.
    There are many types of Post Whores recognized, but before we begin an in-depth discussion into the varieties of Post Whores, we must first define the Post ***** in general. Hundreds of university studies have been completed, and millions of taxpayers dollars have been wasted in the process, and no accurate definition ever came to the world of the Post ***** until Dr. Ura Jerkov wrote his definitive work Cyberspace Ettiquette Means Not Farting. We have since learned, through Dr. Jerkov's innovative analysis, that a single definition alone cannot describe the Post *****. Rather, the Post ***** must be classified according to the nature of his work.
    Please open your copy of Jerkov's Guide for the Hot Boat Forum Newbie to Chapter 4, and let us begin. The key to being a successful Post ***** is the ability to possess and execute a variety of skills, whose only purpose is to rapidly increase the member’s overall post count number. These skills include:
    * Kissing ass with the staff,
    * Having a firm grasp on vulgarity,
    * Knowing the subject matter at hand,
    * Efficiently wasting free time,
    * Utilitizing the art of disrespect.
    We shall now break these individual skills down and learn how they apply to the Post ***** and how they are best utilized.
    Kissing Ass with Staff
    A 'True' Post ***** must initiate and maintain beneficial contact with the online community’s staff. In this case, we are speaking of the moderators and administrators. Such communication is vital to the 'True' Post *****, whose nature of business is such that others will likely be complaining about one's behavior.
    The most successful Post Whores use the time-honored tradition that is guaranteed to bring results: posting. There is nothing better to a Forum Administrator than seeing many posts appear online. A 'True' Post ***** posts regularly, posts fairly, and lets everybody else know what heshe is doing. This establishes an informal understanding between the Post ***** and the Forum Administrator. It says, “I have no friends, no social life, can’t get it up (or wet) anymore, and my neighbor’s goat died, so I want to try and have a social life here, and here are some posts to help make you feel somewhat better about letting me live here.”
    The Post ***** has accomplished many things in one thread. He/she has increased his overall post count, he has gained a measure of self-reassurance, and he has quietly demonstrated himself to be the egotistical SOB that a 'True' Post ***** is.
    Having a Firm Grasp on Vulgarity
    While it has been argued that indecency pollutes any community, it does increase the interest and attendance in the said community. Having said that, we come to one of the most important attributes of any Post *****: vulgarity. For it is through vulgarity that the Post ***** is able to exponentially increase his post count, this becomes one of the finest measures of a Post ***** candidate.
    Vulgarity in and of itself is a useful tool, when used in moderation.
    While these are the methods of the subtle Post *****, there are others. Some are blatant, and serve only to ensure continuation of a worthless thread, which ensures additional posts to help increase the overall post count. Others are simply the ramblings of a mildly-dysfunctional individual whose opportunity to propogate the count are many.
    A recent study by the University of Arizona concluded that the following post would be considered useful and appropriate in 72% of all threads at Hot Boat Forums. Such a post is the ultimate weapon of the 'True' Post *****, guaranteeing a rapid increase in post count in a short amount of time, while effectively starting a Flame War and Hijacking a Thread. A 'True' Post ***** is the master of the multitask, as you can see.
    Someone wrote:
    "Here is my favorite _____"
    Post Whores do not normally engage in detailed discussions regarding the subject matters at hand, particularly in the field of digital video, where subjectivity is as much a part of any question as book knowledge. Rather, a Post ***** will generally look for one of two places from which to propogate his count: the Off-Topic section, or a Flame War.
    Do not confuse Post Whoring with Thread Trolling, as they are two separate acts. Thread Trolling is the act of picking a fight with another member whose knowledge of the subject matter at hand is obviously lacking. Such an attack is designed to entertain the Post ***** first and foremost, with any thought of increasing post counts an ignored side-effect of such contact.
    Certain subject matters provide a true Post ***** with the opportunity to exceed the Post-***** Standard of 15 Posts/Day. Here is a short list of subjects that the 'True' Post Whores look for to hone their skills:
    * Pussy cats (with four legs)
    * Friends of friends who are friends of friends
    * Air Compressors
    * Farm Animals
    * Canatards
    * Clowns of a Challenged Vertical Nature
    * What song are you listening to now?
    A 'True' Post ***** can take a thread with any of the aforementioned subjects and generate 25-100 additional posts. Not to mention the innate ability to dislodge sexual organs from their protective sacs, the result of hysterical and uncontrolled laughter. However, a 'True' Post ***** never takes it upon him/herself to begin such a discourse. Rather, he/she relies on his/her subordinate 'Wanna-Be' Post Whores to turn the direction of a thread to his liking.
    Efficiently wasting free time
    Let’s face it. Post-Whoring takes a lot of time. And only the most dedicated Post ***** candidates can take themselves to the ultimate level of a 'True' Post *****. What separates the man from the ewe is not only a crowbar, but a dilligent pursuit of the art of time management.
    The key to Post ***** time management is multitasking. Everything from multiple broswer windows logged into the forum to multiple forum 'personalities' are examples of how the amateur Post ***** graduates to the 'True' Post *****. Other useful tactics include professions where high pay and low work requirements are the norm, multiple DSL lines and computers, a 4-hour workday composed of nothing more than surfing the Internet for pleasure, and an affinity for mild alcoholic beverages.
    The 'True' Post ***** is capable of simultaneously capturing video to one computer, engaging in an on-going discussion about a variety of subjects on another, and playing a mind-challenging computer game, such as tossing penguins on yet a third machine. Effective use of multiple DSL lines ensures that Post Whoring and Intranet movie and video traffic remain compatible with each other.
    Utilizing the Art of Disrespect
    Before the introduction of the infamous Yellow Card, it was enough to begin your online routine with a standard newbie bashing session and work on your post count as such. However, to borrow a British Football term, the threat of being 'Booked for a Misdemeanor' weighs heavily on even the most respected Post Whores. Therefore, to ensure the continuance of the dominant forum species, new and challenging tactics must be employed to stay one step ahead of Authority.
    Disrespect comes in many forms. Some are obvious and some are subtle enough that they are lost on the average member, simply because they are too stupid to know they have been insulted. While both are considered acceptable in most situations, the 'True' Post ***** utilizes another method to fufill his post-count daily requirement: sarcasm.
    This evening, we have touched on the main factors that separate the 'Wanna-Be' Post ***** from the 'True' Post *****. It is now time for your exam. You will find the following 10 names listed below. You are to give each person's Post ***** rank on a scale that includes the following choices:
    * Wanna-Be
    * Amateur
    * Promising
    * Veteran
    * True
    * Master of the Discipline
    You are also ask to explain how you reached your decision and provide specific examples, if necessary. The correct answers will be provided by Dr. Jerkov on Sunday morning. Please note that the purpose of this exam is to help you learn to differentiate between the 'Wanna-Be' Post ***** and the 'True' Post *****. While some deserving members may have their names omitted, others will be included for reasons that may not be readily apparent.
    Thank you. You may now begin your exam.

  2. #2
    LASERRAY
    WOW
    What a gigantc waste of bandwith! J/K MMD.

  3. #3
    Cheap Thrills
    Originally posted by LASERRAY
    WOW
    What a gigantc waste of bandwith! J/K MMD.
    I concur
    interesting none the less
    C.T. :wink:

  4. #4
    FMluvswater
    I have been enlightened. Thank-you for sharing that MMD. Very well written too, might I add.

  5. #5
    Kilrtoy
    Dan was really bored

  6. #6
    twistedpair
    You have entirely too much time on your hands. Buy a boat yet? Besides, what's wrong with being a "Post 5 Star"?

  7. #7
    Debbolas
    I hate to quibble with such a well written post, but I must point out that you neglected to mention the
    "quickie" post ***** recently displayed by the Doc and myself where we simply quote each others posts and post many, many silly smilie faces :cry: :idea: :sleeping:

  8. #8
    JetBoatRich
    He is just like a lot of us a P o s t W h o r e
    Nice none the less

  9. #9
    Kim Hanson
    I'm not a post *****!.........( . )( . ).....Is there a class for it?

  10. #10
    JetBoatRich
    Originally posted by Kim Hanson
    I'm not a post *****!.........( . )( . ).....Is there a class for it?
    I heard you had no class

Page 1 of 9 12345 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. is there any truth to this?
    By a catered life in forum Sandbar
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 01-30-2006, 09:26 AM
  2. Might have some truth to it ...
    By FMluvswater in forum Sandbar
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-01-2004, 12:16 PM
  3. OK Tell the truth....
    By MAINEVENT in forum Sandbar
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 07-29-2004, 07:16 PM
  4. Ok tell the truth
    By SHAKE-YO-AZZ in forum Sandbar
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 07-13-2004, 08:16 PM
  5. Truth now
    By Kim Hanson in forum V-Drives
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 12-10-2003, 10:10 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •