IF Your Catholic

[Her454]

I apologize in advance.................. :D
HUMOR WARNING...........Do not drink anything while reading this.
(Thats for Allison)
A priest in a small rural town was very fond of his 10 chickens
and 1 handsome cock he kept in a hen house behind the rectory.
One Saturday night the priest discovered that the rooster was
missing. At the same time the priest heard rumors of cock-fights being held
in town.
Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Mass.
During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will Confess
to sporting a handsome cock?"
All the men stood up. "No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean.
Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?"
All the women stood up. "Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean
either.
Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that
doesn't belong to you?" Half the women stood up. "Oh Lord," he said.
Perhaps I should rephrase the question:
Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the choirboys stood up

[HCS]

lmao.
Iza born raised Catholic. :supp:

[Her454]

lmao.
Iza born raised Catholic. :supp:
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: well I hope you cant relate tooooo well...... :D

[Mrs. Restless22]

:2purples: LOL

[topless]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to save that one. :D

[Her454]

:2purples: LOL
Hey stranger..... :D

[Mrs. Restless22]

Hey stranger..... :D
Hola!

[Her454]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to save that one. :D
Ooooooooooops I forgot, I went back and edited the original post. :D

[HCS]

:jawdrop: :jawdrop: well I hope you cant relate tooooo well...... :D
They never asked me the cock question. Thank God.
And I never was a choirboy. :rolleyes:

[78Eliminator]

:jawdrop: :jawdrop: well I hope you cant relate tooooo well...... :D
He wont be able to shit right for a week!

[Her454]

Never would have mistaken you for a choirboy Tom. Not even on a good day.....LMAO. :mix:

[Huckleberry]

That one scores the coveted Huckleberry's :D :D :D :D :D 's

[topless]

Just read your edit. Now I'm REALLY laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[little rowe boat]

Thats good,but now you had better go to confession and ask for forgiveness. :D

[Her454]

Thats good,but now you had better go to confession and ask for forgiveness. :D
Sorry but Im Baptist and we dont have confession. In fact, we dont even admit guilt. :D

[HCS]

You wouldn't catch me in one of those confession booths. Who knows what
goes on in there???? :2purples:

[Boatcop]

Since we're on the subject:
Father Murphy is assigned to a new parish in a not so good area of town. The first day there, he decides to take a walk and check out the neighborhood.
After going about 2 blocks, he is approached by a woman, who unbeknownst to him, is a hooker.
She says to him: " 'Morning Father, how about some head, only 10 bucks?"
Of course, he has no idea what she is or what she means, but not to appear stupid, he just replies: "No thank you, my child." and continues on his way.
In the next block another woman comes up to him and asks: "Hey Padre, you want some head, just 10 bucks?"
Again he declines, and continues on his way.
This happens several more times, before he finally gets back to the Rectory. Confused about what had happenned, he calls the Mother Superior (Senior Nun) to his office.
When she arrives, he asks her: "Sister? What's head?"
She just shrugs her shoulders and says: "10 bucks, same as downtown."
----------------------
I was raised Catholic and know very well that I'm going to burn in hell for this. :devil:

[Her454]

Since we're on the subject:
I was raised Catholic and know very well that I'm going to burn in hell for this. :devil:
So this is a dumb question, but how many jokes like that a month could one get away with before he'd HAVE to visit that confession booth thingy?
:D :D

[topless]

I was also raised Catholic. Confession went like this
Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been______________since my last confession. These are my sins. I lied to my parents and hit my brother. For these and for all my others I am sorry.
That was what I said every time so I din't have to be embarrased. I always had to say 3 Our Fathers and 2 Hail Mary's

[Her454]

WOW, I would think yours would be alot longer.........................:)

[Powerquestboy]

A priest is in the confessional booth listening to a man when he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. He try’s to hold out until the man is finished but he just can’t wait. He peeks his head outside of the booth and sees the church janitor, he asks the man to come and listen for a few minutes until he gets back.
Once inside the janitor listens to the man tell about his infidelity to his wife, he explained he had received a blow job from another woman asks the priest what penance he should receive for this act. Not knowing what to say the janitor sticks his head out of the confessional booth and sees and alter boy. He asks “Hey kid, what does the father normally give for a blowjob” The alter boy replies “a coke and a candy bar”

[topless]

WOW, I would think yours would be alot longer.........................:)
LMAO. I covered my ass by saying for these AND for all my others. I didn't want to be there all day.

[Her454]

LMAO. I covered my ass by saying for these AND for all my others. I didn't want to be there all day.
Im glad my mom made me be a Baptist. We got to sing loud and eat good on Sunday without a lot of guilt......
I could have never made it as a Catholic....too much confessing and the weddings are WAY TOO LONG! :)

[topless]

Im glad my mom made me be a Baptist. We got to sing loud and eat good on Sunday without a lot of guilt......
I could have never made it as a Catholic....too much confessing and the weddings are WAY TOO LONG! :)
I havent been to a catholic church in I don't know how long but it was cool growing up. My brothers were Alter boys and used to steal the wine from the back of the church. We always had bingo and church bazaars where there were dances, lots of beer, etc etc. And our Priest used to ride his motorcycle over to our house and drink beer with my dad.

[Her454]

I havent been to a catholic church in I don't know how long but it was cool growing up. My brothers were Alter boys and used to steal the wine from the back of the church. We always had bingo and church bazaars where there were dances, lots of beer, etc etc. And our Priest used to ride his motorcycle over to our house and drink beer with my dad.
Well if thats not promoting the Catholic Religion I dunno what is..............:):):):)
AND NOW THAT I THINK OF IT.................You STILL have more of little those green thingies....maybe I shoulda been Catholic after all...LMAO

[topless]

Well if thats not promoting the Catholic Religion I dunno what is..............:):):):)
AND NOW THAT I THINK OF IT.................You STILL have more of little those green thingies....maybe I shoulda been Catholic after all...LMAO
I told you they multply. As soon as I spread some more rep, I'll give ya more points. I don't think I went to a typical Catholic church.

[Her454]

I told you they multply. As soon as I spread some more rep, I'll give ya more points. I don't think I went to a typical Catholic church.
Thanks- :D BTW, you probably wouldnt believe me if I told you I taught Sunday school for 2 years.......................... :jawdrop:

[topless]

You're right............don't tell me. LOL
Thanks- :D BTW, you probably wouldnt believe me if I told you I taught Sunday school for 2 years.......................... :jawdrop:

[Her454]

Really......Baptist's dont lie, theres no confession to redeem us............ :rollside:

[HCS]

Being Catholic I can do what ever I want.
For give me lord for I have sinned. There....your forgiven and everything is
better. Now, go do it again.

[topless]

What I didn't understand is that my parents sent me to a Christian University that was primarily Church of Christ. :confused:

[ratso]

I told you they multply. As soon as I spread some more rep, I'll give ya more points. I don't think I went to a typical Catholic church.
Catholic chicks are naughty... :crossx:

[HCS]

Catholic chicks are naughty... :crossx:
Aint that the truth naughty and nasty. :crossx:

[ratso]

What I didn't understand is that my parents sent me to a Christian University that was primarily Church of Christ. :confused:
I dated a church of christ chick a while back. She was 24, told me her parents have never seen her in jeans, had to wear a dress to school, could only watch "family" type shows...etc and so on. I was told by some friends of hers to not take her to bed or she would try to latch on permanently. Second time I had her in the sack she said "I Love You". That didn't set too well with me so I distanced myself real fuggin quick. After that I was a piece of you know what. She used that snatch like it was supposed to be the most awesome gift she could have ever given me and I was supposed to marry her and have kids!!! She still sends me e-mails and text messages all the time. One minute she loves me, the next she is bashing me and calling me a player. The other night I saw her out and said we should talk, you know, put all this behind us. She sent me a text later and asked "What do you want?" I sent one back and said "Your ankles around your head." She sent me another and said "You make me sick!" Hmm...think I might have gotten rid of that one. :jawdrop: :D

[ratso]

Aint that the truth naughty and nasty. :crossx:
Yeah, I forgot the nasty part. If only that nun teacher at CCD classes knew what was actually going on in the girls bathroom... :crossx:

[ratso]

Almost forgot...What kind of pussy does the Pope get???
..........
..........NUN :jawdrop:

[ratso]

OH GAWD..........
...forgive me father for I have sinned
My last cofession was 34 years ago......... :( :hammer2:

[Tommy1005]

gotta love the Catholic girls, especially the red-headed ones, hey wait a sec, that' my girl, and she is definitely naughty :rollside: :devil: