Keith
09-22-2004, 11:30 PM
Just got these in my mail.
Thought I would share (maybe brighten someone's rather dull day).
Two Louisiana alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The
smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it. " "Well, " said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy? "Democrats, same as you, " replied the small 'gator. " "Well, where do ya catch 'em? " "Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by Boudreaux's." "Same here. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and waits fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jumps out, grabs 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eats 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a Democrat, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."
Fourth Wedding
A woman walked into a bridal shop and
told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her
fourth wedding.
"Well," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type of dress are you
looking for?"
The bride to be said, "A long, frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk didn't know quite what to say but finally said,
"Frankly, madam, gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for
brides who are being married the first time...for those who are a bit more
innocent, if you know what I mean?"
"Well," replied the customer, more than a little put out, "I can assure
you that I am as innocent as the rest of them. Believe it or not, despite
all my marriages, I remain as innocent as any first-time bride."
"You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we
were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into a terrible
fight in the limo on our way to the reception and we have not spoken since.
We had that wedding annulled immediately."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"Well," said the woman, "he was a Democrat and every night for four years
he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be."
Redneck Birth
Deep in the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
All of you folks enjoy your day, the weekend is almost here!
Keith
Thought I would share (maybe brighten someone's rather dull day).
Two Louisiana alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The
smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it. " "Well, " said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy? "Democrats, same as you, " replied the small 'gator. " "Well, where do ya catch 'em? " "Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by Boudreaux's." "Same here. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and waits fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jumps out, grabs 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eats 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a Democrat, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."
Fourth Wedding
A woman walked into a bridal shop and
told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her
fourth wedding.
"Well," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type of dress are you
looking for?"
The bride to be said, "A long, frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk didn't know quite what to say but finally said,
"Frankly, madam, gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for
brides who are being married the first time...for those who are a bit more
innocent, if you know what I mean?"
"Well," replied the customer, more than a little put out, "I can assure
you that I am as innocent as the rest of them. Believe it or not, despite
all my marriages, I remain as innocent as any first-time bride."
"You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we
were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into a terrible
fight in the limo on our way to the reception and we have not spoken since.
We had that wedding annulled immediately."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"Well," said the woman, "he was a Democrat and every night for four years
he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be."
Redneck Birth
Deep in the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
All of you folks enjoy your day, the weekend is almost here!
Keith