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View Full Version : ????? not boat related but someone help



robt
10-01-2004, 08:23 AM
Ok my ?? is early this week i had to take the wife in for a biopsy(i dont think that spelling is right where is the spell check button) after she gets done we head home as we pull up our street is filled with fire trucks and our house was burning we are still not sure what we lost as they are trying to clean all the smoke and water damage but my wife broke down and lost it the girl has gone through more than i can ever wish on one person in a life time in 3 months in june her brother was killed in a car crash almost a month later her grandfather passed away from tyroid cancer then she starts not feeling well and being tired all the tim and goes to the docter and they tell her she needs to have a biopsy so we go to that and come home to our house on fire
how much can one person take?
well my ?? are 1 the ins company has not done anything but put us up in a hotel we had to go out and buy all the stuff you need for daily life for me her and my 4 year old and 1 year old that amounts to alot of cash plus eating out we are getting strapped and are normal bills are still coming in
2 is she is not herself and i cant think of anything to say other than it will all work out she is kinda in her own little world she wants nothing to do with anyone even her kids her work put her off on paid leave as they say she cannot work with all the stress in her life and her job and the big dummy i am i cannot make her understand all will work out
anyone else ever gone trough anything like this
rob

dicudmore
10-01-2004, 08:32 AM
:( is all I can really think to say
Keep in mind your ***boat friends will have you in their thoughts and prayers

Garrddogg
10-01-2004, 08:36 AM
AH MAN, I'm sorry all that has happned to you and your family you will be in my thoughts and prayers!!
Good luck,all will work out.easy to say ,harder to live!
Where are you guys at?
Force 26

91nordic29
10-01-2004, 08:37 AM
GOSH. THAT IS JUST TOO MUCH ALRIGHT!oops
keep in mind that there really isnt much you can say to make her feel better but being there with her will make all the difference. try to explain to the kids that everything will be okay and that mom is just having a rough time. and remember the kids are probably terrified. i am sure that you are too.
there are alot of firefighters/medics/LEOs on the boards and i hope that they will read this as i am sure that they would be able to refer you to some very helpful resources. where do you live?
our thoughts and prayers are with your family
cindy

Outnumbered
10-01-2004, 08:49 AM
Sorry to hear about all this. Always seems like all the bad stuff hapens at once.
I remember running through my house after we snuck back past the police road blocks when the fires were heading toward Lake Arrowhead (it was evacuated when we were in Phoenix looking at houses). We only had an hour or so to take what we thought we would need. I don't think you realize how much you take for granted until you lose all you stuff or walk out of your house knowing that you may come back in a day or two to a pile of ashes.
All I can say is lean on your family or your church right now. Don't be ashamed, they will understand. Also, call your insurance and demand some kind of advance. You should have some loss of use coverage that they can advance a little bit on until they finish the adjusting process. I remember most of the insurance companies were issuing $2000 no questions asked after the fires last October.
Hang in there. Be thankful your family was not home when it burned and try to stay positive as hard as it may be.
John
AKA OL

LHC30Victory
10-01-2004, 08:50 AM
We wish for your family that you didn't have to go through this. I can only imagine having to deal with all of that so close together. You seem to be holding up OK, but make sure your reactions aren't delayed - it will be reasonable and normal for you to behave the same after awhile - so take care!
Your wife needs counseling to help put her losses in perspective. You are too close and probably not trained to handle this. I believe your job right now is to "keep the lights on" type of family maintenance and be there for support (hence the warning of delayed reactions). Help the kids put things in a positive perspective and show them how do deal constructively with adversity otherwise, they will be lacking the tools necessary in their lives.
If ya wanna talk, pm me for a phone number. Gibbons has it if ya cant get ahold of me and I can always be found through Powdercoat plus in Havasu. I may be able to find some resources for that counseling in So Cal.
Ted.

robt
10-01-2004, 08:59 AM
GOSH. THAT IS JUST TOO MUCH ALRIGHT!oops
keep in mind that there really isnt much you can say to make her feel better but being there with her will make all the difference. try to explain to the kids that everything will be okay and that mom is just having a rough time. and remember the kids are probably terrified. i am sure that you are too.
there are alot of firefighters/medics/LEOs on the boards and i hope that they will read this as i am sure that they would be able to refer you to some very helpful resources. where do you live?
our thoughts and prayers are with your family
cindy
Thank you all for your kind words, cindy we live in Bloomington Il
i found this site through google i was looking for a boater ed course as we are kinda new to boating and this site came up after i looked around for awhile i joined and have had a blast since the start you all are great and thank you all for yours prayers in our time of need
Rob

Dribble
10-01-2004, 09:17 AM
Tell her that you are in this together and that you will get through it together. You will both emerge stronger and your relationship will be stronger as a result.
And by all means hang in there.

Mrs.Racer277
10-01-2004, 09:18 AM
I can't imagine what your wife is going thru right now. I would be devistated also. Hang in there. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

racecar.hotshoe
10-01-2004, 09:30 AM
I would get your wife some help.Things in life are not always nice.The house thing while not fun its all materal things not hard to replace.But the love of a mom to her children is priceless.The kids feel this tension,You must be strong,The family glue as such.My prayers go out to your family.Dont let your wife go down.I have been there it blows.......

switchin'addiction
10-01-2004, 09:58 AM
Hang in there man. I just said a silent prayer for you and your family & have comfort in knowing that every one who reads this thread is probably going to do the same.

topless
10-01-2004, 09:59 AM
I as a single mom and don't know how I would get through it but I would for my kids. My prayers go out to you and your family. Just remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You have our ***boat support.

Some Kind Of Monster
10-01-2004, 10:03 AM
Keyword is family.. As long as you have each other, it will turn out alright. We're here for you as well :wink:

topless
10-01-2004, 10:08 AM
You will pull through this. Hug your wife and lewt her cry on your shoulder. She so needs you right now and you I'm sure need her too. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

robt
10-01-2004, 01:36 PM
once again thank you all for your kind words i bought a lap top today so now i have can get on the net maybe i can get her on here and let her have some fun with all you nice people
any way thank you all
rob

ratso
10-01-2004, 01:46 PM
Get her on here Robt...Keeping her in good spirits is the best medicine. :D

Mrs. Restless22
10-01-2004, 01:51 PM
Im so sorry to hear of the troubles she and your family are having. But keeping close to each other is the best medicine for anyone.
I wish you all the best of luck

Her454
10-01-2004, 01:53 PM
Robt- My heart goes out to you and your family. You all need EACH OTHER right now more than anything else. So much loss is hard on the heart but try and stay strong. You have a support group here that can work wonders in the worst of times.......I'll be praying for you and also your wifes health.
Tell her to come aboard......I wish you the best.
Traci

Tom Brown
10-01-2004, 01:56 PM
...how much can one person take?
People can get through anything when they have the support of people who love them.
Hang in there, Rob. Don't be affraid to lean on your friends here and there.
You and your wife have my very best wishes. :)

Debbolas
10-01-2004, 02:00 PM
I am so sorry for your trouble......you and your family are in our prayers.........Deb, Matt & Family

MsDrmr
10-01-2004, 02:13 PM
be patient, she is not withdrawing on purpose, she has just shut down to spare what sanity is left. Be patient with her. See if you can at least get to the house now and retrieve some things, something that may be of comfort to her. Try to get her to interact with the kids as much as possibe to bring her some closeness and encouragement. I am so very sorry, you sound like a wonderful husband who is worried for his bride. I will pray for you all, Keep us informed

BoatNut Recruiter
10-01-2004, 02:39 PM
My father's home burned to the ground 6 weeks ago, which also housed his business. My dad is in his 70's and my sister and her husband have been living there for the last two years to help him out so all their stuff is gone as well. They barely made it out alive and our beloved pets were lost. It has been a trying time for all of us.
I notice no one mentioned the Red Cross? They responded immeadiately to our disaster with food and clothing and even arranged for counseling at no charge.
Also, the insurance company (State Farm) responded with a $10,000 advance to replace computer equipment and basic household goods.
If you like, forward your phone number (I'm not here much so email me at kim.reed@boatnut.com) and I'll put my sister in touch with you as she has become our family "expert" and coordinator of rebuilding their lives and the house. My prayers are with you.

ratso
10-01-2004, 02:42 PM
Great post BNR...

little rowe boat
10-01-2004, 02:52 PM
Get a copy of your Insurance policy,and find out what is and what is not covered.Keep all of the receipts for everything you buy,soap,toilet paper,meals out,some of this could be covered.Find out how long your Ins. co will put you up in a hotel,will it be long enough for all the repairs that are needed on your house to be completed.If work has not already started on your home by a fire restoration co,contact your Ins.co and find out who they contract with and when they will be starting work on your home. Make lists of everything you have lost,Clothing,tools, etc...and try to be specific,type and make if possible, This process will take a while ,but stay involved and don,t hesitate to stay on top of the Ins. co,the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
God bless you and your wife.

coolchange
10-01-2004, 04:09 PM
Ouch. Sorry for your troubles. I was in Bloomington/Normal about a year and a half ago for my Grandmothers funeral. Dad grew up in Colfax. My cousins still live there. We're pullin for ya.

Keithb87
10-01-2004, 04:21 PM
:frown: All I can say is .... It Will get better.. Try to keep her spirits up and get a hold of the Insurance CO. Demand that they give you some knd of money to get by on. Then turn to church and family... Find something that she likes to do.. Get her on ***boat.... :frown:
Man I feel for you... Thoughts and prayers... KeithB87

Family4Day
10-03-2004, 09:17 PM
When we have a fire, we request Red Cross to scene to assist with some of these items(food, shelter, etc.) and they are there quickly and always help. You should be able to contact them still for some basic assistance, but you insurance company should have a rep assigned. I would find out who that person is and get a direct number to him/her. They might be able to get the ball rolling thru some of the red tape. Try and sit down and make a list room by room of property that was lost. It easy to remember a smaller scale(room by room) rather than the entire house. Keep all receipts for what you have purchased. Talk to the hotel manager about billing your insurance company for lodging.
As a side note, being a fireman, I have not only put documents in a safe at home, I scan them and keep them in a safe deposit box at my credit union. Everything from my will, to birth certificates and social security cards are copied on a CD. That way, we have a back-up in case the safe fails.
*If you cannot find the number for Red Cross, just stop by a local fire station, they should have a phone number available.
Prayers and best wishes for you and your family
Todd

MagicMtnDan
10-04-2004, 05:39 AM
I hope you'll follow folks' advice here - it's all good. And be sure to spend time with your family and friends. They should be providing you and your family with solid support at times like these.
Maybe your kids can spend a few days at their friends' houses which will give you and your wife some time alone to take care of each other.
I wish you well and hope for better times. Keep your chins up!

spectratoad
10-04-2004, 06:52 AM
Sorry for the loss. It will all work out in the final. Just give your wife a hug every chance you get and kick in a little extra with the kids. It is tough for you as well but she just needs the reassurance that things will not continue downhill.
Put her here on ***boat, let her vent, let her know that on top of her husband she has a whole community out here that can listen and offer some great advice or help.
Just tell her and remind her that she is not alone on this. It will get better. As I have told my wife, "It will get better, heck it can't get much worse." :wink:

Mrs. casean
10-04-2004, 08:31 AM
Sorry for the hardship you and your family is going through. I hope you all get through this time with love and strength. Thoughts and prayers for your family. Good luck with everything. ***boat is a great social network online and can easily cheer up people, hope to see you and your wife around here for some good laughs, opinions, help and encouragement!