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View Full Version : Speach that needs to be made



gramps
04-16-2006, 07:17 AM
Hope this isn't a repost. I found it on one of the Lake Powell boards.
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that e ffective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

Jyruiz
04-16-2006, 07:44 AM
That would be sweet.

maxwedge
04-16-2006, 07:46 AM
That's an interesting theory, but if we cut off foreign relations with 70% of the planet, we are going to be in a world of shit. Literally. Sounds like a speech Hitler might have given IMO.

Tinkerer
04-16-2006, 08:14 AM
I don't see how we would be.
It will take a while but just about everything made ellswhere could be made here in the USA.
The prices on some things would go up - like electronics but stuff wouldn't be throw away any more.
Electronics made in the USA tends to last longer without problems.

Moneypitt
04-16-2006, 08:31 AM
I don't see how we would be.
It will take a while but just about everything made ellswhere could be made here in the USA.
The prices on some things would go up - like electronics but stuff wouldn't be throw away any more.
Electronics made in the USA tends to last longer without problems.
OK so stuff would cost a little more. Cut off all that foriegn aid and our taxes would/should go way down. I think Japan is one list #1, so our imports from there shouldn't change, (didn't Japan send troops to Iraq?). The overall speach really needs to be made, the American people would come together like never before if they realized the wants and needs of Americans are going to be dealt with FIRST. I personally am sick and tired of supporting these third world dictatorships for the "good will" it creates, screw 'um.......MP

Howie Feltersnatch
04-16-2006, 08:40 AM
Better yet a speech about how we never invaded Iraq in the first place.

burtandnancy
04-16-2006, 09:02 AM
Max, you're a little off base here, but that speech, with proper modifications would be a pleasure to hear...

Biglue
04-16-2006, 11:12 AM
Better yet a speech about how we never invaded Iraq in the first place.
Exactly........or perhaps a "we finally caught Bin Laden" speech before we decide to take on another "war". :rolleyes:

ThongMagnet
04-16-2006, 11:30 AM
"Gramps for President"

redneckcharlie
04-16-2006, 12:32 PM
oh ya! :rollside:

bordsmnj
04-16-2006, 01:55 PM
"well all be drinking the free bubble up
and eatin' that rainbow stew..."
would be nice though.

Red Horse
04-16-2006, 02:40 PM
[QUOTE=Moneypitt](didn't Japan send troops to Iraq?).
Not too many troops, but LOTS of money!!

gramps
04-16-2006, 05:13 PM
"Gramps for President"
Thanks.....................if I were there the damm war would be over by now. The crude might "glow" a little but I don't think anyone would mess with us again. Also this year I got involved in politics us here in "Mt. WhereinthehellamI" and it's been keepin' me pretty busy.

MagicMtnDan
04-16-2006, 05:28 PM
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia.
Sounds like it was written by an angry, unhappy person with little concern for how this country will coexist with others on this small planet.
Severing diplomatic relations with France, Germany and Russia is a nice fantasy for some but one of many stupid ideas in that text.

Tinkerer
04-16-2006, 06:25 PM
RIO ---
The real FUNNY thing is that I sure don't see or hear the dems coming up with any answers.
Name just ONE thing that they have come up with.
They are just like KLINTON - He always put his finger into the wind ( and other places as well ) to see what he should do today.
SKERRY changes his mind daily.

Tinkerer
04-16-2006, 06:26 PM
OH and all the DEMS have a bad case of selective amnesia.
( I voted for the war - before I voted against it)

SnoopJonnyJon
04-16-2006, 09:16 PM
The worst conservative is still better than the best socialist.
BTW, sorry Canada's in list 2. Hopefully now that the Conservatives are in power here we can get back in with America. Problem is, they've got a minority government so they have to pander to the socialists. Wish we had a 2 party system.