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Kim Hanson
11-20-2004, 03:04 PM
~ She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
~ She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
~ She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
~ Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
~ She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
~ She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, it's good
for her figure.
~ She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car
or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet.
~ Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.
~ She will hate charge cards.
~ Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, honey?"
~ She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. America.
~ She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could
get some sewing done.
~ She will love you because you're so sexy.
WHAT HE USUALLY GETS
~ She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180.
~ She was once a model for a totem pole.
~ Where there's smoke, there she is -- cooking.
~ She's a light eater...once it gets light, she starts eating.
~ She lets you know you only have two faults: everything you do,
and everything you say.
~ No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion
in a steel wool factory.
~ If you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you.........( . )( . )....... :mix:

Kim Hanson
11-20-2004, 03:06 PM
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys -
cumin is a spice)
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Because I'm a man, when one of the appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as, much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
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Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask! someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're! wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...........( . )( . )..... :D

Boy Named Sue
11-20-2004, 03:35 PM
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys -
cumin is a spice)
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when one of the appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as, much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
-------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask! someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I think what you're! wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...........( . )( . )..... :D
Kim,
Is this a transparent attempt to thwart the constant accusations of your gayness or... um..... I don't have anything else. What point are you trying to make?
Wondering, but not curious.

Kim Hanson
11-20-2004, 03:51 PM
I had to throw in a guy thing after the wife thing, girls wouldn't like that at all :cry: ...........( . )( . )........ :notam:

Boy Named Sue
11-20-2004, 04:00 PM
I had to throw in a guy thing after the wife thing, girls wouldn't like that at all :cry: ...........( . )( . )........ :notam:
That's very liberal of you. You must be from Canada. :)

Kim Hanson
11-20-2004, 04:07 PM
That's very liberal of you. You must be from Canada. :)
Im not that stupid to **** with women, they can hold back on you and on and on :D .........( . )( . ).......