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Kindsvater Flat
11-23-2004, 10:37 PM
Here we with a house rented and all of us heading for the coast. Now all the sudden the kids dad finds a flaw in the court papers and he gets the kids. We tried everything to keep them. Now we have to deliver them by 5 tomorrow which would be when we would be arriving at the rental house. And we get them back friday morning at 9am since its our weekend to have them. This is a total bitch!!! Now I have 2 kids crying and mom is to. Kids even called and said they don't want to go. To me I think the kids should have the choice. Guess we have to go back to court again and straighten the mess out. grrrrrr!!
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone else!!!

Boy Named Sue
11-23-2004, 10:40 PM
Here we with a house rented and all of us heading for the coast. Now all the sudden the kids dad finds a flaw in the court papers and he gets the kids. We tried everything to keep them. Now we have to deliver them by 5 tomorrow which would be when we would be arriving at the rental house. And we get them back friday morning at 9am since its our weekend to have them. This is a total bitch!!! Now I have 2 kids crying and mom is to. Kids even called and said they don't want to go. To me I think the kids should have the choice. Guess we have to go back to court again and straighten the mess out. grrrrrr!!
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone else!!!
Word.

Bre
11-23-2004, 10:42 PM
Sorry :frown:

C-2
11-23-2004, 10:47 PM
That truly sucks for everybody. What a bastard.

Kindsvater Flat
11-23-2004, 10:50 PM
Guess I won't be getting a new picture anytime soon. I hope you other step parents don't have this many problems.
http://www.schoutenranch.com/family/images/40.jpg

Boy Named Sue
11-23-2004, 10:55 PM
Guess I won't be getting a new picture anytime soon. I hope you other step parents don't have this many problems.
http://www.schoutenranch.com/family/images/40.jpg
I can't even say my story is similar but the emotions are the same. Losing children that you have raised, bonded with, and love.

bunny 166
11-23-2004, 11:04 PM
I'm so sorry for you and your family--its not fair to put the kids in the middle...

Kindsvater Flat
11-23-2004, 11:15 PM
It just really sucks because its what they wanted and we are already packed. They picked all the stuff they wanted to take and then we get this call from there dad at 9pm. I faxed every bit of paperwork to a friend in the sherriffs office and he confirmed of the flaw. Because of this thanksgiving rights revert back to the old paperwork for that holiday stating that he gets them on even years. Sad part is that he will do nothing with them. He uses them as a pawn against us.

C-2
11-23-2004, 11:17 PM
When you get a chance...throw an empty bag of C & H Sugar below his gas fill. If ya really wanna make it look good, sprinkle a little on the ground, as if you spilled some. Get the pic?
Hey, it's not a crime!

Kindsvater Flat
11-23-2004, 11:20 PM
When you get a chance...throw an empty bag of C & H Sugar below his gas fill. If ya really wanna make it look good, sprinkle a little on the ground, as if you spilled some. Get the pic?
Hey, it's not a crime!
*edited due to sounding like OJ

Bre
11-23-2004, 11:21 PM
When you get a chance...throw an empty bag of C & H Sugar below his gas fill. If ya really wanna make it look good, sprinkle a little on the ground, as if you spilled some. Get the pic?
Hey, it's not a crime!
You guys are so bad :D

Boy Named Sue
11-23-2004, 11:30 PM
When you get a chance...throw an empty bag of C & H Sugar below his gas fill. If ya really wanna make it look good, sprinkle a little on the ground, as if you spilled some. Get the pic?
Hey, it's not a crime!
I love it C-2. In my case I always took the high road. Never know how things will turn out and you always want to look the kids in the eyes and know you were the better parent. ( but i love it!)

C-2
11-23-2004, 11:47 PM
I love it C-2. In my case I always took the high road. Never know how things will turn out and you always want to look the kids in the eyes and know you were the better parent. ( but i love it!)
Yup.
Sucks that some people just don't get it and can't let go.
:( :( :(

clownpuncher
11-23-2004, 11:58 PM
Total bummer. The dad obviously doesn't realize that if he's trying to get back at the ex, in reality he's hurting the kids big time.
Don't fret. Give the kids support and love. Encourage them to make the best of it. Soon enough they'll be of age to know better and more importantly, they'll be of age to make their own decisions. By the sounds of it, their decision will be to spend the time with you and your wife on the coast. It's a bummer deal. The dad is surley acting on emotions and that's always a bitch to overcome in someone.
Hang in there.
ROC

JustMVG
11-24-2004, 01:16 AM
I'm kinda in the same boat, have three girls, daddy is a flake, does not pay child support, has to have it garnished from his check, that is when hes working, lives w mom and dad, is supposed to take the girls every other week, that doesn't happen, one of the girls love her daddy more than me, fine as it should be, but the other 2 see me as daddy, this causes major strife amongst all of us from on over to the wife, the middle girl wants to live w daddy, it's so much easier over there, no having to do any chores just get the remote and the phone and its all good. Not here you do the chores you get bottom line, i don't get paid unless i work for it right!!, I Feel for ya and totally understand where you're coming from, hey my oldest wants me to adopt her, real daddy will never let that happen.... i can go on and on but you get the idea ..... Good Luck, kick his ass in court. MVG

core attitude
11-24-2004, 03:55 AM
I feel ya, been there.........there right now.........5 more years to go. I would give my life for them, he doesn't give shit to them. Fathers shouldn't have rights if they don't have the right to be a father...............sperm donor. I hope it was good for you because I know it wasn't for her......

jdf
11-24-2004, 05:02 AM
i know how you feel ....

ECeptor
11-24-2004, 05:53 AM
The BS that comes with the Step Dad role does suck at times. Worse part for me is the undying feelings of responsibility to make sure my live-in gf's daughter has everything she needs is unbalanced with the legal fact I have zero control over her situation. I can only offer my hand but cannot keep bad influences out of her life.
Makes a man torn inside at time...but is worth the effort. One small comment of appreciation from her when she's older will make it all worth while.

Keithb87
11-24-2004, 06:18 AM
It sucks that the kids are in that situation.. My first 2 live with their Mom and Step-Dad. only about 45 minutes away. Allthough I would love to see / have my kids all the time I try to be reasonable and allow them to make the decision. I could be a DICK and force the Ex to give up the kids for every other holiday, but they have rights too. I don't get to see them enough as it is, but never force them to come with me.
In an effort to get to see them more, I allways invite the ex and her hubby to come along on any boat trip. The kids are the ones that suffer when Mom and Dad fight. I realized that after 2 long years of fighting and argueing (sp)
now I / we have made a concious effort to just get along and we both feel much better.
Now on the other side. My Fiancee has 2 kids (not mine) one of the fathers makes no effort to see or contact Rose (4). If he were to pop in the picture and all of the sudden want "Rights" I would have a major Issue. He has paid 0 in her 4 years of life. and only attempted to get back with Mom by using Rose.
The Donor of Thaddeus (2months) is at lease trying to make and attempt to see his son, but as of yet 0.00 in payment. I'm affraid that he'll dissapear like Dad#1 and become a dead beat Dad.
It sucks from both sides of the spectrum, All you can do is love the kids, and try to keep it sane for them.

mike37
11-24-2004, 06:35 AM
Here we with a house rented and all of us heading for the coast. Now all the sudden the kids dad finds a flaw in the court papers and he gets the kids. We tried everything to keep them. Now we have to deliver them by 5 tomorrow which would be when we would be arriving at the rental house. And we get them back friday morning at 9am since its our weekend to have them. This is a total bitch!!! Now I have 2 kids crying and mom is to. Kids even called and said they don't want to go. To me I think the kids should have the choice. Guess we have to go back to court again and straighten the mess out. grrrrrr!!
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone else!!!
the Court thing is a bad deal for every one
the bottom line is that the two parents need to not use the kids as pawns
the court cant make every decision for the two parents
tell the kids that there dad wants to have them with him he loves them even if that is BS make the kids feel better about the hole thing
you gotta make the best of what you can and not have the kids feel like they are being used just do your best to give them confidence that who ever they are with they are loved

Desert Rat
11-24-2004, 06:44 AM
I would just go and let him deal with it when you get back. Take the kids, have a good time and do the court thing when you get back. When I had to deal with the visitation thing I had a line in the agreement that stated all decisions for vacation and holidays were left up to my son after age 12. He went with his mom at times and stayed with us most but we knew in advance. No last minute crap! Believe me the courts won't do a damn thing if you just go and deal with it later. Now the relationship with the other parent my sour a bit but if you don't care........

wsuwrhr
11-24-2004, 06:45 AM
Sorry about your holidays Kindsvater,
Don't worry, your kids still love you, and they will be thinking about you.
Brian

mike37
11-24-2004, 06:52 AM
I would just go and let him deal with it when you get back. Take the kids, have a good time and do the court thing when you get back. When I had to deal with the visitation thing I had a line in the agreement that stated all decisions for vacation and holidays were left up to my son after age 12. He went with his mom at times and stayed with us most but we knew in advance. No last minute crap! Believe me the courts won't do a damn thing if you just go and deal with it later. Now the relationship with the other parent my sour a bit but if you don't care........
if the dad want to be a dick he can go over to there house with the sherif and take the kids right in the midle ove thanksgiving diner
thats not good for any one

Big_Gunz_
11-24-2004, 06:56 AM
Sorry to hear about the crappy news. The dad needs to think more about the kids instead of himself. Hope all works out for you and the family.

diggler
11-24-2004, 06:58 AM
Sorry to hear about this. AFter my parents divorced in 1978, they still gave me, my brother and sister the option to go with whatever parent we wanted for holidays. It ended up being with both parents on holidays. Mom in the afternoons, and dad in the evenings. The only custody battle that occurred was with whom we lived with. NOW that was a mess!

RiverKitty
11-24-2004, 07:00 AM
Been there, done that, still doin' it.
I'm so sick of going back to court...It's just not in my nature to be ugly.
The saddest thing of all is the children have to suffer when one parent uses them as pawns. :(
KF...So sorry to hear about your situation.
~RK

Tahiti350
11-24-2004, 07:20 AM
All,
Sorry to butt in, since I don't know many of you yet, but I wanted to give my view on this issue from a unique perspective. This is going to be long though.....
I have 3 kids, Daughter 15, and Son 12, who live in Texas with my ex, and I just adopted my wife's 3 y.o girl in Sept 04, after being the live-in dad since she was born. I am on both sides of the fence on this issue, and I know how emotional it can be.
When my first wife and I divorced she got the kids as I was in the military (still am), and assigned overseas. I started paying the child support she requested before the paperwork was filed, and have not missed a payment in 10 years, but the State of Texas decided last year that it should be a Garnishment, so it is on my credit record now (yee-haah!!). The divorce decree says I get the kids 6 weeks every summer, every other weekend, on fathers day and my birthday, and standard holidays alternate years. Since I am currently assigned to a base in Washington, I only get to see my kids during the summer (military pay and duties won't let me fly back and forth every other weekend..) but the ex is gracious enough to let me have an extra week or so each year, since I can't see them all the other times I am supposed to get.
She re-married (guy was a real prick-not just my opinion) and he immediately tried to run me completely out of my kids life (statements like "they're mine now", or "I'm their dad now") and made threats that I would never take them during the summer again. Before the next summer he beat my ex up and ended up in jail which probably saved his life (GOOD family connections in the ex-inlaws). She filed for a divorce from him while I had the kids that year.
My point here is that "some" dad's really do want to be involved in the lives of their kids, and know that it makes it hard on everyone when the kids have to uproot and go. My kids haven't had a "normal" summer yet, but we wouldn't trade it for the other altenative (no contact).
My current wife's ex-boyfriend (sperm donor) wanted her to get an abortion, then his new girlfriend wanted to adopt the baby (so she wouldn't have strech marks!!!), but neither ever raised a finger to help (financially or otherwise). They (mom and baby) moved in to my house when they got out of the hospital, as they had no place else to go (parents couldn't help, financial and housing problems), and nobody else stepped forward. I have been a friend of this whole family for many years, so offered a spare room until she could get on her feet again. Go figure, she never moved out. We were married about a year after she moved in, and I have been the only father the baby has even known. This summer we went to court and I won the right to adopt her officially, based on the "dad's" lack of involvement, failure to pay child support (the weasel moved out of state and is working under the table so he has no verifiable income), yet his parents fought the proceedings as he "is the father", and "that's our grandchild". All the whining and crying, but they never called or anything. Now they are nothing in her life.
I hope you understand how I see both sides of the issue, but am different from the "father's" here as I actually have a relationship with my kids, and they do want to see me whenever they can. My daughter wants to move up for a year (minimum) before she starts college, just to spend more time with us, my boy chose to stay in Texas in '04, but will be coming this summer. He just wanted to see what summer there would be like. I asked him several times to come, but let him know it was his choice to make, good or bad. I would NEVER force the kids to come, and always coordinate visits as far ahead as possible to minimize any conflicts.
I'm sorry there are pricks with ears out there who use their own flesh and blood as a knife to antagonize the ex, and that there are women who will hold the kids (visitation) over the fathers head to get more of what ever it is they want. This is why we have so many messed up kids in this country now.
IMHO, some people should be nuetered at birth, but unfortunately, we don't find that out until its too late....
Thanks for hearing me out, and I look forward to hearing opinions, but prefer no hate :jawdrop: :hammer2: .
GaryB> Tahiti350

R.A.D.man
11-24-2004, 07:52 AM
Squeeze all the fun you had planned for 4 days into 2. Never let the fun stop but leave the kids with enough sleep time on Sunday evening so they can recover before school on Monday, they will need it if you go for it. Kinda like a big summer weekend in the fall. If I was your kid, that is what I would want you to do.

Kindsvater Flat
11-24-2004, 07:53 AM
if the dad want to be a dick he can go over to there house with the sherif and take the kids right in the midle ove thanksgiving diner
thats not good for any one
Yep and this is what we don't want. Even if we are four hours away the police dept where we are at can pick them up and take them back. I really don't want the kids to spend a 4 hr ride in the back of a police car.

Sleek-Jet
11-24-2004, 08:00 AM
Sorry to hear that K-flat... As a child of divorce, I can definitely sympathise with your kids. And while my dad never pulled this kind of stuff over the hollidays, he was adament that his weekends were his, and my brothers and I couldn't do anything else. On top of it all, we never liked his girlfriend (he never remairied). Now my old man wasn't as big of a dick as you're wife's ex, but he had his moments, and it left some pretty good scares.
It all comes out in the wash and eventually his kids won't have anything to do with him, which is bad for the kids more than it is for the father. Just try to make it the best for the kids, try to have a good weekend (even if it wasn't what you planned), and be there for the kids.

Kindsvater Flat
11-24-2004, 08:39 AM
Well here is the current deal. The kids are going to there dads and we are driving to the coast. We're gonna have thanksgiving with my family but I'm driving home late thurs night. I will pick up the kids in the am and drive back to the coast for at least friday, sat, and come home sunday. Won't be the same but better than nothing.

Mrs. Restless22
11-24-2004, 08:50 AM
Sorry to hear about that K-Flat. :(
You sound like you are an awesome step dad and they are lucky to have you in their lives. Enjoy your weekend at the coast with the kids!

MsDrmr
11-24-2004, 09:40 AM
I feel ya, it's the same being a stepmom. Mr has it pretty lucky. we both have children from previous marriages and none together.
My ex is totally out of the pic after being slapped with a restraining order and all his parental rights stripped from him. So we dont deal with him, but the mr's ex really makes life hell when she can..
I am sorry your going through this.

coolchange
11-24-2004, 09:53 AM
Being a step parent is the tuffest thing you'll do. No glory, no recognition for all you give up, no rights, etc. Learn to play the game. Next time you plan a trip make sure that he knows that he HAS to pick up the kids by a certain time as you and the wife have a little one on one trip planned. That'll keep him away.

MRS FLYIN VEE
11-24-2004, 09:56 AM
I am sorry you can't have them when you wanted them .. but look at the bright side. at least you are doing a good thing with them.. and they love you like they were your own. if not. they wouldn't want to stay.. you have a good thing with them . keep it that way as long as they will let you. :cool:

Desert Rat
11-24-2004, 11:11 AM
I do understand both sides as I have been on boths sides of the issue at one time or another. As far as police intervening and picking up the kids I really don't think they would first time around. I had tried to get them involved when drugs were involved and was told to iron it out in court. I understand the NOT wanting trouble. Good for you, you took the higher groung and put the kids first. Believe me they understand these things better then most parents think. Hope all works out.

lucky
11-24-2004, 11:23 AM
well - i'm pretty lucky - ex wife doesn't mess with us - and we switch holidays eveyother year - If i have her on thankgiving she will have her on x-mas day then we switch the following year ! but you want to know what really sucks
being a kid with divorced parnents - this is the geneation ! will be interesting to see what happens when they are older - what a mixed up world --

Keith E. Sayre
11-24-2004, 11:43 AM
My ex hasn't let me talk with my kids for over a month. She shuts off their
home phone, finds a reason to ground my daughter to justify taking away her
cell phone from her, then leaves the kids with her new husband in Idaho Falls
(who by the way is a good guy) and then she goes to Florida.
I'm not supposed to be able to talk with them until I pay her another couple
hundred dollars for a dental bill or something that she can't produce a copy of.
So last night, as soon as she's gone,the kids call and say hello and wonder
what Nancy and I are doing for Thanksgiving. It wasn't my year to get them
for Thanksgiving but since she is gone, I would have taken them and they
would have loved to have come to Havasu. Then her mother calls to see
if we want to go to Provo for Thanksgiving dinner and great grandmas 90th
birthday party but I have to work. It's fortunate to think that my kids really
like the step dad and it doesn't hurt that he loves to spoil them and is a doctor but what an inconsiderate mother!
In order to make this a positive thing, I'm remembering how grateful I am to
have great kids who love me, a great lady named Nancy, her funloving daughter Breanna and TJ who flies in and out of Baghdad in a C130 a couple times a week, great friends, great job, great customers, a great country
and I'm thankful that God loved and cared about us enough to sacrifice his son for us.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Keith Sayre
Conquest Boats

Misogynist
11-24-2004, 12:36 PM
Oh man... I think I'm having a stroke reading all these posts about step parents and absent parents....... :sqeyes: Makes me glad I'm single and never had any children....... :( I briefly went through the "parent" thing being a step father to a hyper 3 year old... the only issues I had were with my wife. If I said anything about how she was raising her son... she would always pull out the "trump card" from her sleeve. " He's MY son.. NOT YOURS... you can't tell me how to raise my son."
Fast forward 26 years to today... I've been divorced 23 years... Junior who had no dicipline by his mother is now in prison...
Sometimes you have to save yourself and let the other person drown... or you will both go down. :supp:

Tom Brown
11-24-2004, 12:36 PM
Now all the sudden the kids dad finds a flaw in the court papers and he gets the kids....
Kindsvater Flat, I envy you your situation. While it may not be perfect, it sounds like you are part of a beautiful family that has a lot of love. What's one day compared to that?
I hope you enjoy the children when you do have them. :cool:
Happy thanksgiving,
Tom Brown

Mrs. HOOTER SLED
11-24-2004, 12:52 PM
K Flat,
I'm sorry to hear all the sh*t you have to go through this Thanksgiving. I have a sister going through the same crap with her ex over my niece. He just thinks about how to get at her and nothing about how my niece feels :mad:
So I can understand a bit on how it must feel even though they are your step children, they still mean alot to you. This whole thing is hard to deal with for all, but I hope you and your wife will enjoy the time you do get with the kids :D Happy Thanksgiving anyway, try to enjoy!!! :D
Mrs. HS :)

mike37
11-24-2004, 04:56 PM
My ex hasn't let me talk with my kids for over a month. She shuts off their
home phone, finds a reason to ground my daughter to justify taking away her
cell phone from her, then leaves the kids with her new husband in Idaho Falls
(who by the way is a good guy) and then she goes to Florida.
I'm not supposed to be able to talk with them until I pay her another couple
hundred dollars for a dental bill or something that she can't produce a copy of.
So last night, as soon as she's gone,the kids call and say hello and wonder
what Nancy and I are doing for Thanksgiving. It wasn't my year to get them
for Thanksgiving but since she is gone, I would have taken them and they
would have loved to have come to Havasu. Then her mother calls to see
if we want to go to Provo for Thanksgiving dinner and great grandmas 90th
birthday party but I have to work. It's fortunate to think that my kids really
like the step dad and it doesn't hurt that he loves to spoil them and is a doctor but what an inconsiderate mother!
In order to make this a positive thing, I'm remembering how grateful I am to
have great kids who love me, a great lady named Nancy, her funloving daughter Breanna and TJ who flies in and out of Baghdad in a C130 a couple times a week, great friends, great job, great customers, a great country
and I'm thankful that God loved and cared about us enough to sacrifice his son for us.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Keith Sayre
Conquest Boats
just a note to you she cant stop you from talking to the kids even if they are grounded as long as your only calling every couple days not three times a day
if she refuses you can have the local cop go over there and force here to receive your call

JustMVG
11-25-2004, 12:36 AM
Kindsvater, do what you think is right not only for the kids but yourself too.
I have to take a step back and look at my life and my actions towards the kids and their mom and the way she treats them, i know i'm the outsider, but since being in these folks lives they're lives have changed for the better 150% better and they know it, there will always be some loyalty to the real dad, thats a given, but these kids dad is a flake, should be caps, but i am in the holiday mood, i so badly want to point out the faults but thats not my place, the girls will figure him out soon enough, take your time watch the temper, (Uh Mikey take your own advice) it's so hard when you get the "your not my dad " BS day after day, but give it time and it will come the Love that is, it WILL come, fight dad and it only gets worse, Gumby has come over to my house and i won't let him in, he smokes and it smells up our house, what does he do pees on the side of my house!!!! Last time he tried that i hosed him wuth the MR. Clean car washer, god that felt good, but the girls saw me do it and i feel bad now, but don't ever do that again i told him, he challenged me to a fight i said look around asshole, your girls are watching it does no good for either of us, just get the girls drive of think about it and we'll talk later.... But you know what i wanted so badly to kick his butt, reality is it would have made me look worse than anything else i've done.
End of Mini Rant, GOOD LUCK, Think as Positively as you can and the best will come in time, MikeVG

core attitude
11-25-2004, 10:22 AM
Being a step parent is the tuffest thing you'll do. No glory, no recognition for all you give up, no rights, etc.
I hope this is more an expression of frustration then a true belief. I agree that being a step parent is a tuff job......but I bask in glory and recognition all the time........and I would bet you do too.
I know I do, every time they tell me they love me.....every time I go to pick one up and someone says, Britt’s dad is here or Lindsey's dad is here .....every time one of them introduces me as their “dad” and not their “step dad”.....every time one scores a goal or gets an award and I know I helped them hone the skill that lead them there.....every time another parent, coach, teacher says, “I had no idea you weren't her biological father”.....every time one of them has a problem, issue, question, and they come to me instead of him for guidance or answers.....every time they do something, anything, and it is in my likeness and not his.....every time I / we (wife) do the right thing in the face of adversity because we put the kids before ourselves.....every time they (the kids) do the right thing in the face of adversity because we did the right thing in the face of adversity and they learned from it.....every single time I look at my beautiful wife or my beautiful kids and am in awe about how much they have completed my life that I thought was so full before I met them.....Every time they make my eyes well with tears of joy and I am reminded of the pride and joy they bring to my life....every time they humble me and remind me that I am human and vulnerable.....every time they thank me.....every time they make me something.....every time they hug me, grab my hand while we walk, call my name when they are scared.....every day I get glory and recognition, I bet you do too.