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Mandelon
03-03-2005, 07:51 AM
Below is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated. He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in a F-14 Tomcat.
If you aren't laughing out loud by the time you get to "Milk Duds," your sense of humor is broken.
"Now this message is for America's most famous athletes:
Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have ... John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity...
Move to Guam.
Change your name.
Fake your own death!
Whatever you do Do Not Go!!!
I know. The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped.
I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach.
Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-feet, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way.
Fast.
Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ("T-minus 15 seconds and counting ....." Remember?) Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, "We have a liftoff."
Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.
"Bananas," he said.
"For the potassium?" I asked.
"No," Biff said, "because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down."
The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot . but, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it.
A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would "egress" me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.
Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14.
Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, sap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us.
We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie.
And I egressed the bananas. I egressed the pizza from the night before.
And the lunch before that. I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade. I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that did not even want to be egressed. I went through not one airsick bag, but two.
Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down.
I used to know cool. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know cool. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand.
A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.
What is it? I asked.
"Two Bags."

jdf
03-03-2005, 07:58 AM
the real story how funny

boxscore
03-03-2005, 08:01 AM
LMAO... He always cracks me up

BarryMac
03-03-2005, 08:04 AM
That's a great story, he egressed the Milk Duds from the 6th grade, LMAO... :)

spectratoad
03-03-2005, 08:08 AM
That is funny as hell but I would love to get a ride in one of those. :D

Havasu_Dreamin
03-03-2005, 08:18 AM
That was great! Milk duds from the 6th grade, if you don't find that funny, go see a doctor or something! :)

Riverhound
03-03-2005, 08:30 AM
That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Thanks

hoolign
03-03-2005, 08:36 AM
That was good. I dont imagine it's pleasent ride, :mix:

superdave013
03-03-2005, 09:01 AM
and I bet he would get back n that plane in a NYC second!

Garrddogg
03-03-2005, 09:24 AM
OH SHIT THATS FUNNY GOT TEARS SQUIRTIN , LMFAO! :2purples:

2sand2
03-03-2005, 09:42 AM
that is good. but boy would i love to try it....

Not So Fast
03-03-2005, 10:13 AM
Great story Mandelon; I too always thought I would like to take a ride in a fighter jet but I think I'll pass, hell a heliocopter ride at the old Fontana Dragstrip ( I know I'm older than dirt) made me sick!!! NSF :2purples: :2purples:

Screaming Pete
03-03-2005, 10:34 AM
LMAO w/ tears Tooo Daaaammmm Funny, gives the meaning of Throw Down a hole new meaning :shift:

bunny 166
03-03-2005, 10:42 AM
Good one Mandy, I needed that!!! :D

Desert Rat
03-03-2005, 11:36 AM
His first error was eating at all. I ate just a piece of dry toast before my ride in an F15B. No I did not Yak and it was a BLAST!! I would go again in a NY second!!! I have also flown in various helocopters (UH-60,Hueys,Cobra's and SH-3's)and if they make you even quisy I would not recommend a fighter ride.
This is the F15 I flew in.......F15 (http://www.dfrc.nasa.gov/Gallery/Photo/F-15B/Small/EC98-44554-31.jpg)

Raisin Wake
03-03-2005, 09:02 PM
I was definantly in tears before the Milk Dud line. That just sent me rollingn!!!!!! :rollside:

spectratoad
03-03-2005, 09:24 PM
This is the F15 I flew in.......F15 (http://www.dfrc.nasa.gov/Gallery/Photo/F-15B/Small/EC98-44554-31.jpg)
What is that on the underside? I am sure some sort of test equipment.

Sleek-Jet
03-03-2005, 09:33 PM
What is that on the underside? I am sure some sort of test equipment.
Looks like instant parasitic drag.... :D
I don't care if I ralphed all over the cockpit, I'd go in a heart beat. :D

XtrmWakeborder
03-03-2005, 11:05 PM
Hilarious! I'd love a ride in a jet!!!!!

AirtimeLavey
03-03-2005, 11:17 PM
That's funny as hell...I would kill to go up (and throw down) in one of those... :D

fat rat
03-04-2005, 06:28 AM
LMAO.............I can relate to his experence, almost to the "T" (throwing up)..........there's nothing like it. You new they (pilots) were going to put you thorough the ringer. :D

GHTRIM
03-04-2005, 06:51 AM
His first error was eating at all. I ate just a piece of dry toast before my ride in an F15B. No I did not Yak and it was a BLAST!! I would go again in a NY second!!! I have also flown in various helocopters (UH-60,Hueys,Cobra's and SH-3's)and if they make you even quisy I would not recommend a fighter ride.
This is the F15 I flew in.......F15 (http://www.dfrc.nasa.gov/Gallery/Photo/F-15B/Small/EC98-44554-31.jpg)
Same here I did't eat at all before my ride in an F-16C. Although I still got very queeze for a while (hot flashes) pulled up the visor and let the a/c blow in my face then I was good to go. And I know he would do it again in a NY min. that is for sure.

Screaming Pete
05-17-2007, 01:03 PM
this was a great thread from way back:D

AirtimeLavey
05-17-2007, 01:29 PM
Roflmao....that was great! Laughed so hard, I had tears. There's not much I wouldn't do to get a ride in one of those. 80 minutes would've been awesome. :D