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Her454
03-23-2005, 09:46 AM
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on
a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered
their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab
company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the
front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard
scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house
because she always tries to eat the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the
cat. The cat runs upstairs, husband in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the
wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night.
She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just
going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so
long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had
to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off
so I grabbed her by the neck Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep
her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and
threw her out into the back yard!"
The taxi driver hit a parked car.

Jordy
03-23-2005, 09:48 AM
One good one deserves another:
Saturday morning a deer hunter gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting area.
He backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out hunting in that shit?"
:D :D :D

dicudmore
03-23-2005, 09:55 AM
:D :D :D good stuff guys

WYRD
03-23-2005, 10:02 AM
One good one deserves another:
Saturday morning a deer hunter gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting area.
He backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out hunting in that shit?"
:D :D :D
Now that is just WRONG................... :hammerhea

LVJAKAZ
03-23-2005, 10:09 AM
Thanks!!! I needed that (im having a BAD day :angry2: ) everyone at work is starring at me while I laugh may arse off :supp: :D

ratso
03-23-2005, 10:51 AM
Now that is just WRONG................... :hammerhea
...but as we know, oh so true.

WYRD
03-23-2005, 11:07 AM
...but as we know, oh so true.
I can say I have personal experience in this area :D :boxingguy :D

FMluvswater
03-23-2005, 08:38 PM
Quick Thinking
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied, "No shit??? Who did she play for?"

Forkin' Crazy
03-23-2005, 10:12 PM
LMAO :D:D:D