PDA

View Full Version : Mixed Emotions



ratso
04-30-2005, 07:54 AM
My son is 22 and his girlfriend is 18. I really like this girl a lot, although my son isn't ready to settle down, and sleeps around on her on a regular basis. Well, she has turned up pregnant now. Her family doesn't believe in abortion, and with me being in the same position when I was 22, I guess you could say I don't believe in it either. She had plans for college. My son has no plans to settle down though and has really been treating her like crap since hearing of the news. Last night we had a "Come To Jesus" meeting and I told him and her both what I thought about the entire situation. Neither of them are ready to be parents, but I guess here in about 8 months or so, they better do some growing up. I think there should be some way to "fix" kids, and when you get to be about 30 years old and want kids, you can have a reversal done... hence, no unwanted pregnancies and mistakes. :notam:

HM
04-30-2005, 08:08 AM
Don't forget about adoption. If they want what is best for the child, they will try to find a 2 parent home that wants a child. I know their lives are not going the direction they wanted, but they brought it on themselves...voluntarily. The baby has no choice in the matter and should be the first concern of everyone involved. There are lots of families out there who can't have their own baby and are just waiting.
It sounds like they have ruled out abortion (YEAH!!!) - but what is odd to me is how people will consider or even have an abortion and don't want to give the baby up for adoption because they say it would be too hard to give their baby up.........so what they are saying is that it is easier to kill the baby than to let it live with a loving family....kind of the "If I can't have it, then nobody can." Not saying that is the situation here....just food for thought.

Outnumbered
04-30-2005, 08:12 AM
Don't forget about adoption. If they want what is best for the child, they will try to find a 2 parent home that wants a child. I know their lives are not going the direction they wanted, but they brought it on themselves...voluntarily. The baby has no choice in the matter and should be the first concern of everyone involved. There are lots of families out there who can't have their own baby and are just waiting.
It sounds like they have ruled out abortion (YEAH!!!) - but what is odd to me is how people will consider or even have an abortion and don't want to give the baby up for adoption because they say it would be too hard to give their baby up.........so what they are saying is that it is easier to kill the baby than to let it live with a loving family....kind of the "If I can't have it, then nobody can." Not saying that is the situation here....just food for thought.
Good points.

ratso
04-30-2005, 08:17 AM
One of my sisters adores kids. A nephew of mine (her son) and his girlfriend had a baby girl about 4 months ago, and if my sister isn't at work, she has that baby with her almost constantly.

missboatnam1
04-30-2005, 08:32 AM
my girlfrind has been trying to get pregnet for 10 years plus, with no luck...there are so many families that would anything for a babie....
if their not ready, the baby souldent suffer, nor sould they if they are not ready.
i have 2 teen boys, and this is my biggest nightmare....some how or another, it will all work out....good luck to you....keep us posted!! :clover: :clover:

HCS
04-30-2005, 08:35 AM
I did the samething. I was 22 my girl freind was 18. Well, we got married.
Figured it was the grown up right thing to do. Our marriage lasted 5 years.
Our daughter is now 23 years old and a doll. Although my relationship with my girl freind/x-wife didn't last. I have a beautiful daughter.
A long hard lesson to learn with a great reward. :)
Advise. Have the kid but don't force them into marriage. There will be no regrets Grandpa. :D lol, sorry couldn't help it.

Tom Brown
04-30-2005, 08:38 AM
My son is 22 and his girlfriend is 18. I really like this girl a lot, although my son isn't ready to settle down, and sleeps around on her on a regular basis. Well, she has turned up pregnant now. Her family doesn't believe in abortion, and with me being in the same position when I was 22, I guess you could say I don't believe in it either. She had plans for college. My son has no plans to settle down though and has really been treating her like crap since hearing of the news. Last night we had a "Come To Jesus" meeting and I told him and her both what I thought about the entire situation. Neither of them are ready to be parents, but I guess here in about 8 months or so, they better do some growing up. I think there should be some way to "fix" kids, and when you get to be about 30 years old and want kids, you can have a reversal done... hence, no unwanted pregnancies and mistakes. :notam:
I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Whatever happened to you, it brought you to where you are now which looks to be a pretty good place. I know you to be a good man.
Your son seems much like you. Maybe he has the same wisdom that will allow him to navigate these seemingly adverse events and turn them into positive events?
What if, 23 years from now, your son is having the same conversation with his son and trying to help someone he loves more than anything in the world?
Of course, It could end up being a daughter in which case I recommend aborting. :D

rvrtoy
04-30-2005, 08:48 AM
My girlfriend ended up pregnant at 18. We thought about many options. We did not believe in abortion either. We decided to get married. I beleive a child should have 2 parents full time.
My wife and I just celebrated 10 years married and have never been happier. Our "accident" is an allstar second baseman for his minor league (little league) baseball team and is an all around great kid.
I prefer the word "accident" over "mistake" because a mistake is something you regret. I don't know how my life would have turned out if my son had not come into it when he did.
Everything will work out for the best.

3in20
04-30-2005, 10:12 AM
Ratso,
Mrs 3in20 and I were pregnant and married at 19,20, Although not the optimal way to start out a marriage, it can work out.
Mrs. 3in20 and I have been married for 21 years and have 3 children(hence the name 3in20) Our oldest, a daughter will graduate from college one year from now. Our second daughter is fifteen in the top 1% of her class and the coolest nerd in the world. Our son is 17 months and an awesome little character as well.
Neither of us were ready for marriage, ready or not we did it. ALOT of difficult times and ALOT of hard work and sacrifice. Neither of us would trade one second of it and have not one regret.
Should they decide upon marriage. The running around must stop immediately.
The commitment to marriage and family must start immediately. Someone once told me that, " It is not our words or thoughts but rather our actions and decisions that define our character and that when faced with tough decisions the right choice is almost always the most difficult one". If they decide against marriage, hopefully adoption will prevail....sounds like it may.
All the best to you respective family's

ratso
04-30-2005, 10:43 AM
Thanks for all the replies... This is definitely going to be a life altering situation for a lot of people...

Stealth Marine
04-30-2005, 01:20 PM
My son is 22 and his girlfriend is 18. I really like this girl a lot, although my son isn't ready to settle down, and sleeps around on her on a regular basis. Well, she has turned up pregnant now. Her family doesn't believe in abortion, and with me being in the same position when I was 22, I guess you could say I don't believe in it either. She had plans for college. My son has no plans to settle down though and has really been treating her like crap since hearing of the news. Last night we had a "Come To Jesus" meeting and I told him and her both what I thought about the entire situation. Neither of them are ready to be parents, but I guess here in about 8 months or so, they better do some growing up. I think there should be some way to "fix" kids, and when you get to be about 30 years old and want kids, you can have a reversal done... hence, no unwanted pregnancies and mistakes. :notam:
If they decide to go the adoption route, I strongly suggest the following..
http://www.providentliving.org/ses/birthmother/wecanhelp/0,12266,2181-1,00.html

Silver
04-30-2005, 01:47 PM
My son is 22 and his girlfriend is 18. I really like this girl a lot, although my son isn't ready to settle down, and sleeps around on her on a regular basis. Well, she has turned up pregnant now. Her family doesn't believe in abortion, and with me being in the same position when I was 22, I guess you could say I don't believe in it either. She had plans for college. My son has no plans to settle down though and has really been treating her like crap since hearing of the news. Last night we had a "Come To Jesus" meeting and I told him and her both what I thought about the entire situation. Neither of them are ready to be parents, but I guess here in about 8 months or so, they better do some growing up. I think there should be some way to "fix" kids, and when you get to be about 30 years old and want kids, you can have a reversal done... hence, no unwanted pregnancies and mistakes. :notam:
You'll be surpised what path comes out of mistakes. I believe life just happens! I myself got pregnant @ 20 with my son. Left the SOB when I was 2 months pregnant................never saw him again! Do not get a penny from him either. Had a long term relationship with the next guy...never got married and ended up pregnant again....my daughter! That relationship ended....long story. I have the 2 best dam kids in the whole entire world! And I do not know where I'd be without them? What the hell was I doing before I had my 2 angels?
Even if your son isn't there.........WHY CAN'T YOU BE? This is your grandchild! You can support her even if he doesn't! DO THE RIGHT THING.........it will all be ok. She'll be find! Things will be harder.....but so much more worth while!
WHO'S LIFE REALLY TURNS OUT THE WAY WE PLAN IT ANYWAYS?????????????????????