Fathers rights question?

[Cole]

I am having a hard time with the X (imagine that) in reguards to having my boys Connor 3, and Cole 5 yrs old for the summer
We have planned a two week vacation with my family and friends, which includes...Bass lake, lake Tohoe, and lake Shasta. These are places that I have been going since I was their age and want to start traditions with them.
She is telling me...."NO" !!! :frown: :frown:
I see my boys every other weekend and have not been having a hard time with her...untill now!!
I DO NOT have joint custody and have not persued it because she has been good with letting me see them....I want to put my foot down on this because I really want them for the summer..(two weeks)
Do I have grounds to stand on because I don't have joint custody?
Or do I need to go for joint custody???
I just want them to experience the places that I did growing up!!!
Thanks, Cole

[Her454]

I am having a hard time with the X (imagine that) in reguards to having my boys Connor 3, and Cole 5 yrs old for the summer
We have planned a two week vacation with my family and friends, which includes...Bass lake, lake Tohoe, and lake Shasta. These are places that I have been going since I was their age and want to start traditions with them.
She is telling me...."NO" !!! :frown: :frown:
I see my boys every other weekend and have not been having a hard time with her...untill now!!
I DO NOT have joint custody and have not persued it because she has been good with letting me see them....I want to put my foot down on this because I really want them for the summer..(two weeks)
Do I have grounds to stand on because I don't have joint custody?
Or do I need to go for joint custody???
I just want them to experience the places that I did growing up!!!
Thanks, Cole
JOINT CUSTODY in my opinion is a must. There will always be things in their lives that you may not agree on and its smart to have the legal backup that states you have your say in these matters.
Shared custody is never easy in any situation and I wish you the best.....

[tamalewagon]

You're answering your own question Cole. If your ex-wife is being difficult and won't let you see the children outside of every other weekend, then you need to pursue joint custody of the children. Without knowing the complete details, it sounds as if you do not have any legal grounds to stand on at this point. Hope it works out for you.

[bunny 166]

I'm so sorry you're going through this....you sound like a great Dad. Get a lawyer who will look out for your best interests. Good luck to you.... :clover: :clover:

[Deano]

It sounds like she had her head on straight at one point. Why dont you contact an Attorney and maybe have him draft a letter to her stating that you intend on going after joint or even full w/support physical custody.
She might see all the legal fees and possible loss of her children to you and start cooperating. probably only cost you 300.00, unless she says "bring it on Biatch".

[Wally_Gator]

The attorney is a must as others have pointed out.
It is a shame that ego's (read hers) gets in the way here.
What is important is the kids and both of your connections to them.
Just keep this in mind when taking any action, be above board and
dot your I's and cross your T's.

[NoCal NoBoat]

Cole -
It wouldn't hurt to consult an attorney, just to explore your options.
Everybody's situation is different, and your mileage may vary.
I asked for joint legal/joint physical custody. It worked out well for me for 14 years.
Among other things, it clarified the "mom's house, dad's house" schedule, and
established, on record, the approximate amount of time I was spending with my daughter. This is very important in California, because the "dissomaster"
(the software that determines who pays who how much in child support) considers percentage of time spent with the child in the computation.
For example, I was willing to pay any reasonable amount of child support.
Her mother argued in court that my percentage of time spent was too high. My attorney pointed out to the court that she spent 24/7 with me at least two weeks a year on family vacations, and I coached her soccer team for the past several years. The court saw it my way.
It also helped me stay connected to my daughter. My ex-wife, the custodial parent, could live wherever she wanted as long as she remained within the 9
counties around the San Francisco Bay Area. She chose to stay local, and my daughter always lived within 10 minutes of my home.
It's helpful to be able to tell your child's teachers and doctors that you have joint legal/joint physical custody. It can facilitate conversations and decision making.

[lucky]

you can go to family law at your local court - and re file - for a 180 bucks and shoot for 50/50 custody - make sure your kids have medical / dental and be civil and it will work out nicley for you - and alot cheaper ! family law will help with negotiations

[topless]

You don't need 50/50 custody to get to take YOUR children on vacation. What do the court papers say about visitation? When I got divorced, mine said he gets them for 2 weeks in the summer. Good luck

[haulina29]

Why do you not have joint custody typicaly in California in a divorce the custody reads joint legal and sole custody "to whom ever they reside for the school year etc " with visitation being stated . I went thru this crap and dont miss it one bit. If I was you I would just take them youll be back before anybody could do a damn thing about it .

[doesitfloat?]

One thing to weigh before dragging her to court is your current financial support situation. Everytime you go into court, it's an opportunity (for both sides) to review the current financial arrangement (or establish one). You may "win" the summer vacation custody and "lose" the financial side by having to pay more over the whole year.
Talk to a lawyer b4 doing anything. Good luck...

[sdpm]

You said that she has been pretty good on everything so far. Why is she saying no to this? Is there something or someone that she doesn't like? Has something changed? Does she feel that you are trying to make them like you more than her? Did you go to these places with her? Why did she say no? Ask her and don't settle for " because I just don't want them too". I'm sorry for you guys and especially for the kids! Good luck. :confused:

[Flyinbowtie]

Lots of good advice here.
If you are forced in to court to get an order for joint custody, or to get an existing order modified, do yourself a favor and do not allow the phrase "when mutually agreed upon" to appear in place of specific dates and times.
If it gets to the point that you need a court order, it is because you are not able to mutually agree upon things, and vague or non-specific court orders are impossible for the cops to enforce or decipher. If you want specific weeks every summer, put them in the order, ie "3rd full week of August commmencing on Sunday night at 5 pm". If you want specific weekends, put them in the order. Saying, "Every other weekend" and things that are subject to mulitple different interpretations create grief for everybody involved.
Things like, "1st and third full weekends of the month, commencing at 5 pm on Friday and terminating at 10pm on Sunday" or "Father to have custody on even numbered birthdays, mother to have custody on odd numbered birthdays," makes thinkgs very clear for everyone, nobody's feelings get hurt and you can make plans far in advance..just my .02cents from being stuck in the middle trying to read these orders and make a decision about who goes where on Friday night at 8pm on the start of Christmas or spring break....
Also, be aware that most custody orders will require you to clear it with the court or the other party before taking the kids out of state...

[SummitKarl]

at this point you have NO!!!!!!!!rights
get a FEMALE att. in this matter. you can thank me later
I will say no more or this board will light up

[coolchange]

If you need a good female atty PM me. She has helped many friends get custody. Plan on $500 to consult. with a total of $2500 to go to court. She's in Encino.