PDA

View Full Version : Since I can't do it on insideline....



Bre
08-06-2005, 07:44 AM
Here's a few :
George comes home very late, and very drunk, and his wife is waiting for him at the door. She says, "You've been out ****ing around, haven't you?"
He says, "Nope."
She says, "Then explain the lipstick on your shirt."
He says, "That's easy. I used my shirt to wipe off my dick."

Bre
08-06-2005, 07:45 AM
Gotta do this one again...sorry...
Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, 'Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?'
He replied, 'Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box.'
Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. 'But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?' she asked. 'Every time I got a dozen, I sold it.'

Bre
08-06-2005, 07:46 AM
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"
"Oh" replies the husband, "that was my mistress." "That's it," says the wife, "I want a divorce."
"Ok," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who is that woman with Jim?" she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is much better looking." says the wife.

My Man's Sportin' Wood
08-06-2005, 07:47 AM
Good ones!

Bre
08-06-2005, 07:50 AM
This ones not that funny.... it's sick :wink:
After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."

Bre
08-06-2005, 07:50 AM
:supp:
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"

Mrs.charitycase
08-06-2005, 07:52 AM
This ones not that funny.... it's sick :wink:
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POOR GUY!!! LMAO!!!

Mrs.charitycase
08-06-2005, 07:52 AM
:supp:
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
LMFAO!!!!

esabataj
08-06-2005, 07:55 AM
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each one into four pieces?"
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."
The gentleman said, "Oh, that's all right. I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
:crossx: :crossx:

Krumbsnatcher
08-06-2005, 08:03 AM
lmao
thanks :D :D :D :D

Caribbean Jet
08-06-2005, 08:05 AM
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each one into four pieces?"
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."
The gentleman said, "Oh, that's all right. I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
:crossx: :crossx:
All of these jokes are great, keep them coming.

JB in so cal
08-06-2005, 08:14 AM
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each one into four pieces?"
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."
The gentleman said, "Oh, that's all right. I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
:crossx: :crossx:
That's kind of like giving viagra to men in nursing homes to keep them from rolling out of bed at night!

pjones
08-06-2005, 09:14 AM
An elderly couple got married in Vegas.
While they were getting ready for bed on their
wedding night she told her new husband "I just want you to know that I have acute angina" to which he replied "well I hope so because
those are the ugliest tits i've ever seen".

Bre
08-06-2005, 10:09 AM
An elderly couple got married in Vegas.
While they were getting ready for bed on their
wedding night she told her new husband "I just want you to know that I have acute angina" to which he replied "well I hope so because
those are the ugliest tits i've ever seen".
:jawdrop:

Mohavekid
08-07-2005, 10:32 AM
Picking A Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble
choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present
of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a
fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several
new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that
she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him
so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She
gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer,
and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells
him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so
much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and
reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she
wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was very impressed.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. :D

MagicMtnDan
08-07-2005, 10:48 AM
Hey Mrs.C, is that your tongue? Quite impressive!
http://www2.***boat.com/image_center/data/520/24732473DSCF0815.jpg http://www2.***boat.com/image_center/data/520/24732473DSCF0815.jpg http://www2.***boat.com/image_center/data/520/24732473DSCF0815.jpg

Charley
08-07-2005, 10:51 AM
before Tiger Woods became famous, he was playing a local tournament where he had met a young golf groupee named Jill McGill. They ended up at the 19th hole(bar) where they both got drunk and Jill Mcgill and Tiger ended up back at her hotel room.... on thing leads to another and Tiger is on top of old Jill givin her the business...15 minutes later he rolls off and begins to light a cigarette....Jill Mcgill blurts out in a dissappointed Voice "Hey Arny Palmer never stopped after just one shot!" Tiger being the competitor he is put out the cigarette, rolls back on top and gives it to old Jill a 2nd time.... 20 minutes later he rolls off and begins to light another cigarette.... once again old Jill Mcgill whines "Hey Arny Palmer never stopped after his 2nd shot!" .... Tiger looks at her and calmly leans across her body and picks up the phone on the night stand beside the bed and begins to dial....Jill yells "What the hell are you doing?" which tiger calmly replies" take a chill Pill Jill Mcgill, I'm calling Arny Palmer real quick, I need to find out what Par is on this hole" ;)