JustMVG
08-08-2005, 06:19 PM
THE WORST AGE
"I'm 60 and when I have to pee, most of the time you stand at the
toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70 year old. "When you're seventy, you
don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you
sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80 year old, "eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60 year old. "No, not
really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a race horse on a flat
rock, no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?" asked the 70 years old.
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”
With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this
straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and poop every morning at 6:30. So
what's so tough about being 80?"
“I don’t wake up until 7:30.”
A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago last week:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of
us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is tainted, soft drinks erode your
stomach tissue lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG additives.
Vegetables can be toxic, and disastrous to some and none of us realize the
long term harm caused by the germs in our bottled water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all
have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake!"
"I'm 60 and when I have to pee, most of the time you stand at the
toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70 year old. "When you're seventy, you
don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you
sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80 year old, "eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60 year old. "No, not
really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a race horse on a flat
rock, no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?" asked the 70 years old.
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”
With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this
straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and poop every morning at 6:30. So
what's so tough about being 80?"
“I don’t wake up until 7:30.”
A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago last week:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of
us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is tainted, soft drinks erode your
stomach tissue lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG additives.
Vegetables can be toxic, and disastrous to some and none of us realize the
long term harm caused by the germs in our bottled water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all
have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake!"