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MAINEVENT
08-19-2005, 11:56 AM
Have full custody of your kids Its a thought only because i am thinking of changing careers and moving and i dont want to be without my kids She has mentioned that her or I can have custody of them just was wondering if it was hard for you to get your kids in court cause we might end up their :lightsabe I am not trying to take them from her i would never do that i just would like them to live with me full time....
TIA

HocusPocus
08-19-2005, 12:00 PM
if you both agree to the terms and who has custody.. i don't think the courts will have a problem with it.

jackpunx
08-19-2005, 12:02 PM
I do.. but.. it was not an issue..
My daughter is 17 now.. went back and fourth as she was growing up... she's been with me for about 3 years now full time.. I get child support too :)
Not sure about the courts.. but.. If you fight her on it.. I dont think you have much coming

lewiville
08-19-2005, 12:04 PM
how old are the kids?
takening them out of there "mom" enviroment might not be worth the pain to the kids

MAINEVENT
08-19-2005, 12:07 PM
how old are the kids?
takening them out of there "mom" enviroment might not be worth the pain to the kids
the kids are gonna be three if they stay with her they will most likely go to daycare and if the kids go with me they will go to their aunts house...Plus she works night so i dont know what day care they would end up in....
Your right i think kids need their mom but my concern was who is gonna watch them at night????

AirtimeLavey
08-19-2005, 12:08 PM
It's really tough for Dads to get full, unless the biatch, I mean ex. agrees, or has drug or physical abuse issues THAT YOU CAN PROVE in court. Pretty easy to get 50/50 if the logistics make sense (you live nearby). I live in the IE only because I want to stay close to my daughter, and maintain a 50/50. I drive way more than I should for work, and have passed up promotions for that same reason. Wouldn't trade it for seeing my daughter grow up and being able to go to her awards assemblies, soccer games, etc... :D :D
Good luck, and keep us posted on how it goes for you. :clover:

AirtimeLavey
08-19-2005, 12:10 PM
the kids are gonna be three if they stay with her they will most likely go to daycare and if the kids go with me they will go to their aunts house...Plus she works night so i dont know what day care they would end up in....
Your right i think kids need their mom but my concern was who is gonna watch them at night????
The work at night thing might be a strong argument....I would think, anyway.

Sleek-Jet
08-19-2005, 12:18 PM
It's really tough for Dads to get full, unless the biatch, I mean ex. agrees, or has drug or physical abuse issues THAT YOU CAN PROVE in court.
Trust me, that's not all that hard, but you DO NOT want to open that can of worms just to win custody of the child.
If you can work out a joint custody agreement, that seems to work best for everybody involved.

topless
08-19-2005, 12:20 PM
I have a friend who got full custody of his infant twin girls. The mother never showed up to court. Her visits became fewer and fewer until she just stopped seeing them all together. The girls are now 6 years old. The bad thing is that she went and had more kids with someone else. Some people should NOT reproduce. :idea:

WYRD
08-19-2005, 12:21 PM
I have been through this twice and all I can say is that if the two of you fight about this in court NOBODY WINS especially the kids. The first time I went just to get 50% custody and although I got what I was asking for I spent a grip doing it and there was lots of mud slinging. whereas if I would of tried to talk it out rationally with my ex or settle in mediation then I could of reached the same goal with much less at risk. The second one seems to be going a little more smoothly then the first so hopefully all will turn out well. Needless to say no matter what it is going to be a difficult road and I wish you and your family the best in this trying time.
WYRD

MAINEVENT
08-19-2005, 12:21 PM
Nope no drugs or abuse issues she barely drinks :hammer2: Like i said i have no problem with her as a mother but her job is at night and if i move i am concerend where my kids will be while she is at work

jackpunx
08-19-2005, 12:24 PM
Nope no drugs or abuse issues she barely drinks :hammer2: Like i said i have no problem with her as a mother but her job is at night and if i move i am concerend where my kids will be while she is at work
well.. sounds like you either have to stay where you are.... or take the kids..

WYRD
08-19-2005, 12:24 PM
Nope no drugs or abuse issues she barely drinks :hammer2: Like i said i have no problem with her as a mother but her job is at night and if i move i am concerend where my kids will be while she is at work
The courts look at where the kids have lived during the previous 6 mos. and consider that their primary residence, so if you want to move the courts might not allow the children to move with you being the primary care giver. :idea:

AirtimeLavey
08-19-2005, 12:27 PM
The courts look at where the kids have lived during the previous 6 mos. and consider that their primary residence, so if you want to move the courts might not allow the children to move with you being the primary care giver. :idea:
Yep, they look for continuity and consistency for the kids...although it does seem to be less important from the mother's side.

AirtimeLavey
08-19-2005, 12:33 PM
Ok, last comment, as I've already exceeded my weekly post avg. on this...but I'm a little passionate when it comes to this.
It is way better to avoid court if at all possible...can't say that enough. Even if you feel like you're giving up a lot. Secondly, if you go to court, try to stay focused on the big picture, and don't get wrapped up on the small shiat. The court doesn't want to hear it.
Good luck.

lucky
08-19-2005, 12:36 PM
Nope no drugs or abuse issues she barely drinks :hammer2: Like i said i have no problem with her as a mother but her job is at night and if i move i am concerend where my kids will be while she is at work
wow i missed this one - alex - sorry to hear that - :confused: man that blows -- she's a nice girl Now i feel bad about teasing you all the time about your wife - my apologize's

6 balls
08-19-2005, 12:56 PM
I am not trying to take them from her i would never do that i just would like them to live with me full time....
TIA
I can’t speak from experience as I am still happily married, but…
You should not be moving away from your kids, or getting custody and moving them away from their mother.
The kids are the only ones that matter here and they need the both of you in their lives as much as possible. The way I see it, you need to make whatever sacrifices necessary to make this happen. If that means not moving and giving up a better job then that’s what you have to do.
The bottom line is that this was not the kids fault and they should not be the ones to suffer from it.

Ziggy
08-19-2005, 01:16 PM
I'd have to agree with many here and stay out of court. It sounds like you have a dialoge between you and your ex so I'd suggest you take that route and try working it out with her mutually. If she's as concerned about her children as you, you two mature adults can work it out.
.
Years ago I tried to win custody of my son, several $K's later all it did was cost me more for support to my tweaker ex.....then when he turned ten she shipped him off to me because her welfare bene's for him expired at 10 yrs of age. What a loser she ended up being. :burningm:
Boy was he ever happy and so was I.

NoCal NoBoat
08-19-2005, 01:22 PM
MainEvent -
Whatever child care arrangements exist, may I suggest that you at least have joint legal/joint physical custody stipulated on the decree paperwork.
Some doctors, teachers, etc. are becoming wary of talking to "non-custodial" parents, even when they know darn well that you're the parent, and you're actively participating in your kids' lives.
Happened once to me. Felt good when I trumped their "ahem..well.." with a copy of the divorce decree...

MAINEVENT
08-19-2005, 02:48 PM
I agree i really want to keep it out of the courts we can pretty much agree on most things but she does get on her hi horse sometimes and we get nowhere on the discussion and all we end up doing is arguing :argue: which i really dont wanna do we will see the outcome :cool: Thanks for your input :)

mbrown2
08-19-2005, 02:56 PM
Alex, I have no friggen clue on this stuff....but I do wish you, her and the kids the best working through these tough times...but I do know court has never really helped me.

MAINEVENT
08-19-2005, 02:57 PM
Alex, I have no friggen clue on this stuff....but I do wish you, her and the kids the best working through these tough times...but I do know court has never really helped me.
Thanx :D

Slacker
08-19-2005, 03:04 PM
Listen to everyone hear, they know what they are talking about. Just went through this myself awhile back. Best thing to do is work it out between yourselves, the only people who win are the lawyers. My ex works nights and i worked days and we came to a mutual agreement. I chose to pass up other job oppurtunities to stay close to my daughter. I wouldnt want to miss her growing up for anything, even though they grow up faster than you would think. When she gets old enough, i will let her decide with whom she would like to stay with. Good luck and try to take a step back and look at the long term or bigger picture. Easier said than done.

lucky
08-19-2005, 03:04 PM
Thanx :D
shoot for 50/50 custody ya both made them - and you both have to raise them you should both have the same advantage /disadvantage - child support will be affordable this way and any issue's that can't be settled can go to a family mediator - if you can - do your divorce threw the court house it's the cheapest - best way to go - you just can't get emotionial over stupid issue's and it will take 6 month's and 1 day