PDA

View Full Version : Being Seperated



MsDrmr
10-20-2005, 06:37 AM
I have been seperated now for about 8 mos. I am making strides to move on in my life though finding it hard. Is there anyone out there that can suggest ways to help end the feelings of hurt?

MagicMtnDan
10-20-2005, 06:43 AM
Get therapy! Seriously. If you're like many you'll blame yourself and a therapist will help you deal with those feelings and come to really understand that it takes two to make a relationship work and only one to screw it up.
Get some professional help - see a therapist and talk to him/her and after a while you'll start feeling better about what you've been through and start rebuilding your self-confidence.
It's all about how you feel about yourself.
And don't forget that even when you're "ready" to start dating again you're not going to be ready for a while (so don't get serious about the first person you date - it most likely won't work).
Good luck!

riverbound
10-20-2005, 06:46 AM
In the same boat.....and dont know what to tell you. I have kept myself surrounded by friends and family to keep me busy, seems to help. but I think time is the only thing that will help. It seems every day gets a little better, but it will be a while. If you find the "magic" solution let me know.

scarabrick2
10-20-2005, 06:46 AM
I'm going thru a divorce right now(finished in a few weeks). It sucks! I got blind sided by my wife with this one. Been married for 7.5 yrs(faithfully) and have a 4 yr old son. I haven't dated anyone for 9yrs and I know it's not going to be easy. Just remember to stay close to your friend and family and keep a positive attitude. Enjoy life to it's fullest and try to move on without being resentfull. Go have fun with people that are close to you. There's more support out there than you think. Everyone I talk to about my situation says keep the faith and keep your chin up.
Rick
Las Vegas

76ANTHONY
10-20-2005, 06:48 AM
In the same boat.....and dont know what to tell you. I have kept myself surrounded by friends and family to keep me busy, seems to help. but I think time is the only thing that will help. It seems every day gets a little better, but it will be a while. If you find the "magic" solution let me know.
I GOT THE MAGIC SOLUTION FOR YA, get your ass to the meetings on time :D :D :D

lucky
10-20-2005, 06:52 AM
Get out and date .. even if they are Man whores .. who cares - If you sit idle, you only ponder - get out younder - then you won't wonder ???
The best thing for me was to jump right back into dating , Since my ex was cheating - It Was quite rewarding - when she found out that I was dating fine ass ladies , with alot more to offer .. I now find closer in the fact that - she has not grown - and I would like to think she has regrets ...
turn the hurt into a positiver FOR YOURSELF..... Chris

MsDrmr
10-20-2005, 06:55 AM
Thanks guys, I know there are a lot of individuals here going through a similar situation, it's tough no matter what sex you are. I too was blind sided by this and it's been tough, each day I do move forward a bit...but it's a slow process.

***boateditor
10-20-2005, 07:04 AM
I have been seperated now for about 8 mos. I am making strides to move on in my life though finding it hard. Is there anyone out there that can suggest ways to help end the feelings of hurt?
One word: "Mrs.***boateditor." :)

LHC30Victory
10-20-2005, 07:45 AM
Remember that a seperation/divorce is second in emotional trauma only to a close family death. Both situations can be helped by professional counseling - so make sure you take advantage of that. It will help you make sense of the events. Just surrounding yourself with family CAN BE a method of denial, so while it is important to give you a reason to go forward, be careful that it isn't holding you back.
Exercise will counter a lot of the bad feelings, so feel free to get lost in a good, hard workout. I know of several counselors who, as a matter of therapy, prescribe exercise along with talking.
And, remember you are not alone and can call on many people here when things get tough.

BiggusJimbus
10-20-2005, 07:57 AM
The main thing it will take is time.
Aside from therapy, the best advice given so far is to stay close to your friends and family and not sit idle. Go out and do the things you enjoy.
The best time and place to meet the kind of people you want to be with in the future is to meet them doing the things that you enjoy.
Bars and clubs are fun, but don't expect to meet the kind of people that you want to spend your life with.
Good Luck. You'll be OK.

atomickitn
10-20-2005, 08:02 AM
I can only say this ! if it had not been for my friends , keeping me busy and happy with my self i would still be wondering what happened , been seperated for almost two yrs, and now my divorce will be final on the 22and of oct, just two days before my birthday,.... go figure, however, i met a wonderful person last year and did not know how to ask her out, or if i was even capable of, being in a relation ship, or even how to go about it, well let me tell you ..... I finaly got the courage to ask this beautiful lady out , and when she said yes , she also asked what took me soo long to ask her?Well the only comment i could come up with is that i did'nt think she wanted to date. but i was wrong and now that we have been seeing each other as much as possible , i can say this that im not looking back and only making plans for the future, and things could not be better, as every day comes we become closer, the moral is keep looking forward and you will move forward, look back and you will fall back, what ever you do .... lead with your heart and your head will follow, be good to all that you suround yourself with and they will take care of you. good luck

riverracerx
10-20-2005, 08:13 AM
Seems you only find good people when you aren't looking.
I have been remarried for almost 3 years now and couldn't be happier with our new 10 month old baby girl. Things WILL get better!

pjones
10-20-2005, 08:15 AM
Glad to see I'm not the only one in the marital
status sucks department...
Guess time will be the best healing...
PJ

Reaper1
10-20-2005, 08:20 AM
Goose & Cran. - Repeat. :boxed:

Larry Nebb
10-20-2005, 08:29 AM
I'd prolly smoke alot of pot myself. Oh wait, I already smoke alot of pot........... I think lol
donno what to say but from reading your posts you seem like a nice person. Just hang in there and be true to yourself and I'm sure it will just work out.

Her454
10-20-2005, 08:30 AM
Sure....Get over it, move forward and don't look back :) Easier said than done but this advice is as direct as you will get. Life is there to live for now and the future. Don't waste it by keeping yourself in a rut.
I would have to agree. Divorce is hard, period. Looking back or dwelling on things only makes it worse and delays the healing process. Live your life for YOU and your child now and focus on that. Surround yourself with friends and or activities that keep your mind occupied. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy when we dont allow ourselves to move on.

Mr. Crusader 83
10-20-2005, 08:35 AM
5 1/2 years for me and she needs space..... 3 weeks ago..... i got drunk went to vegas for 4 days and now i dont know maybe more drinks......lol
party ... hang out with your friends

Tremor Therapy
10-20-2005, 08:42 AM
MMD and a few others make an excellent point about professional help.
My first wife cheated on me, and we were together for almost 13 years! Every day I felt like I was dying inside, and it really messed with my physical and mental health. My spirit was dead! Then a good friend of mine finally convinced me to see a counselor, and by the third appointment, everything started to make sense, and I felt better about myself.
It did not heal me, it did not take the hurt away, but it let me know that I was okay. The counselor was able to create a plan with me, and it helped me get my act together. That in and of itself helped me begin the healing process. But time is your only ally. You get your life together, live for yourself, and it will get better....a little every day! :shift:

barbigrl
10-20-2005, 08:52 AM
I wish there was a magic pil....... :frown:

Do F150's Float?
10-20-2005, 09:06 AM
I can't say I've ever had to deal with this exact situation, so take my advice with a grain of salt, I guess.
The best way I've found (in my limited life experience) to deal with something like this is to focus on yourself - make it all about you. Because until you've dealt with your issues, it will be impossible to make a relationship with someone else work. Work on improving any parts of you that you don't truly love (physical or mental) - the exercise thing is great because it releases endorphins! Realize that other people don't make you who you are. Also, change your focus from the negative to the positive - find your "happy place" :D
:clover: Best of Luck :clover:

SHAKE-YO-AZZ
10-20-2005, 09:08 AM
I am so glad about mine, I feel like a weight has been lifted :D
just get in there and take a swing again

76ANTHONY
10-20-2005, 09:09 AM
I can't say I've ever had to deal with this exact situation, so take my advice with a grain of salt, I guess.
The best way I've found (in my limited life experience) to deal with something like this is to focus on yourself - make it all about you. Because until you've dealt with your issues, it will be impossible to make a relationship with someone else work. Work on improving any parts of you that you don't truly love (physical or mental) - the exercise thing is great because it releases endorphins! Realize that other people don't make you who you are. Also, change your focus from the negative to the positive - find your "happy place" :D
:clover: Best of Luck :clover:
so your not a guy????? :D

76ANTHONY
10-20-2005, 09:09 AM
I wish there was a magic pil....... :frown:
ah but there is :D

Do F150's Float?
10-20-2005, 09:11 AM
so your not a guy????? :D
LMAO...nope...still not a guy, not gonna be one anytime soon...sorry to disappoint you!!! J/K :D :D :D

riverbound
10-20-2005, 09:11 AM
I wish there was a magic pil....... :frown:
Shit....I'd be taking them like M&M's :wink:

76ANTHONY
10-20-2005, 09:12 AM
LMAO...nope...still not a guy, not gonna be one anytime soon...sorry to disappoint you!!! J/K :D :D :D
ummmmm, BLONDE?????????? :D

Do F150's Float?
10-20-2005, 09:13 AM
ummmmm, BLONDE?????????? :D
Nah, i think they all shot that idea down on friday. As much as i don't really care what people think, i do take constructive criticism ;)

76ANTHONY
10-20-2005, 09:14 AM
Nah, i think they all shot that idea down on friday. As much as i don't really care what people think, i do take constructive criticism ;)
okay okay, sexy little brunette??? yeah, thats it, hahhahahahaha :D

MsDrmr
10-20-2005, 09:15 AM
Shit....I'd be taking them like M&M's :wink:
you and me both.

Do F150's Float?
10-20-2005, 09:15 AM
okay okay, sexy little brunette??? yeah, thats it, hahhahahahaha :D
Hahahha, my fav is still dirty dirty dirty blonde :D

76ANTHONY
10-20-2005, 09:16 AM
Hahahha, my fav is still dirty dirty dirty blonde :D
ah yes the dirty dirty dirty blonde, ahhhhhhhhhh :D

BK
10-20-2005, 09:22 AM
Just because one spouse wants out doesnt allways mean its over. Ever thought about trying to make things work? I would start by getting into councelling and work on yourself!!!! Really thats the main thing is to grow from this and make yourself better for having gone through it and in the meantime your spouse may see these changes and start to change his/her mind and show some interest in working things out. Start reading books, go to the gym, and do things you havent been but wanted to do and it will help you to take care of you. A couple of good books, "The Divorce Remedy" by Michele Davis and "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson. Mabye im just a real optimist and believe so strongly in marriage that I would refuse to give up until I knew for sure there was no chance.

MsDrmr
10-20-2005, 09:25 AM
Just because one spouse wants out doesnt allways mean its over. Ever thought about trying to make things work? I would start by getting into councelling and work on yourself!!!! Really thats the main thing is to grow from this and make yourself better for having gone through it and in the meantime your spouse may see these changes and start to change his/her mind and show some interest in working things out. Start reading books, go to the gym, and do things you havent been but wanted to do and it will help you to take care of you. A couple of good books, "The Divorce Remedy" by Michele Davis and "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson. Mabye im just a real optimist and believe so strongly in marriage that I would refuse to give up until I knew for sure there was no chance.
Thanks, I will pick up those book and read them. Right now I am reading "life after divorce" that has been good, just painful to read them. I have consumed more alcohol in the past few months than I have in years. Though it's starting to slow down now. Just a couple margaritas over the weekend, and during the weekdays, I have things schedualed (sp) from Mon-Wed, then on Fri.
It's the weekends that are tough.

BK
10-20-2005, 09:36 AM
MsDrmr,
I will tell you I was in the same boat recently. My wife dropped the bomb on me a few months ago and I reacted with anger and tryed holding on a bit witch didnt help anything. After I started taking care of myself and trying to improve me it really helped things ALOT. She started noticing the changes almost emidately, and has told me on a # of occations how happy she and everyone else in our live is with the new me. We have 3 kids 4,5 and 7 and the addoption on two of them was just final the end of June, and I knew we had some problems but NEVER thought devorce was an option. So you can emagine the effect it had on me to here the "I love you but im not in love with you" or "ive been unhappy for along time now" bombs! But I picked myself up and came up with a plan, now things couldnt be going better and im very hopefull for our future. It took 11 years of marriage to get to this point so I know we have alot of work to do but im feeling better every day about things. Get the books I told you of and dont give up! I'll keep you in my prayers, good luck!

MsDrmr
10-20-2005, 09:56 AM
MsDrmr,
I will tell you I was in the same boat recently. My wife dropped the bomb on me a few months ago and I reacted with anger and tryed holding on a bit witch didnt help anything. After I started taking care of myself and trying to improve me it really helped things ALOT. She started noticing the changes almost emidately, and has told me on a # of occations how happy she and everyone else in our live is with the new me. We have 3 kids 4,5 and 7 and the addoption on two of them was just final the end of June, and I knew we had some problems but NEVER thought devorce was an option. So you can emagine the effect it had on me to here the "I love you but im not in love with you" or "ive been unhappy for along time now" bombs! But I picked myself up and came up with a plan, now things couldnt be going better and im very hopefull for our future. It took 11 years of marriage to get to this point so I know we have alot of work to do but im feeling better every day about things. Get the books I told you of and dont give up! I'll keep you in my prayers, good luck!
you will be in my prayers as well, I hope all works out for you and the family, there really is nothing worse than the lonely and empty feelings that divorce/seperation leave behind.
I will check out these books, thank you for your input and prayers.

barbigrl
10-20-2005, 10:27 AM
Shit....I'd be taking them like M&M's :wink:
lol....I hear ya!! I think we have all been through heartbreak. It sucks! However it makes you SOOO much stronger as a person.
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!! One door closes....another one opens!! etc...

76ANTHONY
10-20-2005, 10:29 AM
lol....I hear ya!! I think we have all been through heartbreak. It sucks! However it makes you SOOO much stronger as a person.
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!! One door closes....another one opens!! etc...
ummmm, i got double french doors :D :D :devil: :lightsabe

barbigrl
10-20-2005, 10:30 AM
ummmm, i got double french doors :D :D :devil: :lightsabe
lol.....ur too much!

76ANTHONY
10-20-2005, 10:41 AM
lol.....ur too much!
thank you, i try :D

MsDrmr
10-20-2005, 12:16 PM
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!! One door closes....another one opens!! etc...
Thats what they say, hard sometimes to believe it when your in the middle of it. :squiggle: