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View Full Version : Dad Slipping: Go?



Wet Dream
11-17-2005, 12:08 PM
I know what I'm going to do, but I'm curious about what the reaction would be from others. I know most of you are great on here, so this isn't a matter of right or wrong, but what do you do in this situation?
I made a post last February about my dad having stomach cancer. I got a lot of support and I thank you. He has a fantastic girlfriend of 15 years and she has made the plea for help. My dad lives in Morgan Hill (NorCal) my sister lives in Del Mar (So Cal) and I live in Pennsylvania. I was scheduled to go out Dec 7th to spend the week with him while his GF spent time with her daughter after a surgery, leaving my dad alone. So my sis and I were going to split the week and go to dads. Monday, he falls, can't talk at all. Tuesday he can't talk, can't get from bed to couch without stopping. Wednesday he talks, but breifly and stays in bed. We offered to have my wife go out and stay and help since this is what she does. She was going to be there for a month or so. Then I was going to go out on the 7th. Today he is worse. This kills. He is 59. It appears that he is giving up. He is too strong to say anything negative, but we may be seeing the signs. There is always the chance that this is just a low point and that he will bounce back. The meds he is on takes 2 months to activate, and has a month to go.
What do you do?

PHX ATC
11-17-2005, 12:13 PM
You only have one dad, one time.
Do the right thing.

Wally_Gator
11-17-2005, 12:15 PM
Go now and the support yo give, may be just what he needs to make it through.

topless
11-17-2005, 12:16 PM
Go now. It might be your last chance. If he does get better, great but you really need to so you won't live with regrets.

Sleek-Jet
11-17-2005, 12:16 PM
Go...

JetBoatRich
11-17-2005, 12:17 PM
I agree, only one Dad :cool:
Do what you can to be there, very tough situation.

carreraelite
11-17-2005, 12:18 PM
Go now so you don't say later "I should have gone".

riverbound
11-17-2005, 12:20 PM
I would go NOW......You would regret not going. if things got bad real fast.
Very sorry to hear of your situation.

LAFD
11-17-2005, 12:21 PM
go be with your dad spend every chance you can with him. i lost my dad in january to cancer and wasnt able to spend much time with him cause i was constantly sick cause of the stress i was goin threw and couldnt be near him while he was doing his stem cell. he needs all the support he can get.hang in there.

abraman1326
11-17-2005, 12:21 PM
I'd go. I had my younger brother die of cancer, and I was lucky enough to be the last person he saw before he slipped away. I was so grateful that I was able to make the 1.5 hour drive that particular night when my mom called and said this was it. I'm so happy I didn't wait till I had the trip planned, and just dropped everything to be w/ him 1 last time. Maybe your father will bounce back, and you'll feel great for having been there to help that. In a time like this, he needs his family around to help him, and even if he doesn't say it, he'll really appreciate it. Good luck, and I hope for the best for you...
BRA
PS, I'm in Nor Cal so if you need anything, please let me know and I'll do anything I can to help, even if it's just a ride from the airport...

chub
11-17-2005, 12:22 PM
Go now

Her454
11-17-2005, 12:22 PM
I would be on a plane.

spectratoad
11-17-2005, 12:40 PM
Go west young man!!

SummitKarl
11-17-2005, 12:45 PM
go now....
remember we all have "MALE PRIDE" and usally won't speak till it's too late
go....go now

AzLakeLizard
11-17-2005, 12:51 PM
My Dad passed away Oct 23rd 2003 of Prostate Cancer.
He was slipping badly in 2002 and I made weekly trips up to SLC as well as all my siblings. He had one of those miracle cancer shots that take a month or so to kick into the system. It seemed that he was not going to make the turn around but low and behold he gave us an extra year! What a blessing that was.. gave us time to come to terms with what was ahead of us!
The last few months of my Dad's life we were there constantly.. I would leave Page on Wednesday and come home on Monday morning (driving 6 hours each way) The time we had with him was such a wonderful Gift!~
as you say.. you know what you are choosing to do... and I have never regretted my choice!

NoCal NoBoat
11-17-2005, 12:54 PM
WD -
Go.
My mom was in the ICU about a year ago. Chronically ill, heavily medicated, and out of it most of the time. One night, about two weeks into her stay, my phone rings @ 9:30 pm. It's my mom, suddenly conscious, and totally lucid. We had a great half-hour conversation, said all the right things, and we were in a really good place. Next morning, she made it thru surgery, but never bounced back and passed on about two weeks later.
I'll never forget that phone call, and I truly believe that it was a gift from whoever calls the shots...
I hope that your Dad, you, and your family get whatever you need from this visit, and I wish you all peace of mind and body in the difficult days ahead of you.

Tremor Therapy
11-17-2005, 12:55 PM
My dad passed away from lung cancer, and being there for him, my mom, and mostly for myself was one of the most important things I have ever done. You have a chance to see him now....take it! You never know when the last day will be, and spending the rest of your life regretting a decision to wait will haunt you forever!

MAINEVENT
11-17-2005, 12:59 PM
I would so be on my way... like yesterday

Mandelon
11-17-2005, 01:11 PM
I miss my Dad so much.....I so regret that call I got from my mom telling me the bad news. I wished we would have had more time.
Lives end, it will happen no matter what you do. But if you don't want to regret missing what may be your last chance, I'd go see him.
Best of luck.

redi4fun
11-17-2005, 01:11 PM
I have been going through this all last week with my grandfather. Every day after work I would drive 1.5hrs thru traffic just to be there with him and my dad. I was tired both physically and emotionally. The tuffest thing I have ever done was watch him wither away before my eyes.
Their were times I felt like leaving!! No doubt. Towards the end he did not know I was even there, but I knew I would regret not being by his side. He finally passed on 11/15/05. I will tell you that I take great comfort in knowing that I was there till the end and he took comfort in knowing he would not die alone.
Being gone all the time was tuff on my boys, my wife and myself, but I would do it again in a heartbeat!!!!!!!!!

MsDrmr
11-17-2005, 01:24 PM
You already know in your heart what the answer is, so do what it's telling you to do......
I am so sorry to hear about your dad, I watched my estranged husband loose his father and can't imagine the pain your in.

azgfboatgirl
11-17-2005, 01:37 PM
Don't wait, go now. My dad passed away from cancer 10/10/04. I arrived in Florida Friday night, spent the weekend with him and he was gone Sunday morning. The time I spent with him was rewarding but hard because he was medicated heavily. I have no regrets and only great memories of my day.

Biglue
11-17-2005, 01:41 PM
Depending on how critical your father is, if you can wait until Dec. 7th I would wait until then. If your wife goes now and you a couple weeks later it helps out him for a longer period of time.
But the guys do have a point above. You only get one pops. Very tough to measure for an outsider buddy. I wish you and your family the best of luck.
Lue.

Rexone
11-17-2005, 01:47 PM
Go now for all the reasons above.
My mom died of cancer. She lived in Oregon and I in So Cal. I made monthly trips there by plane for over a year I think. Unfortunately I was not there at the end, not that I could have been because it was sudden. It was a difficult situation
Spend all the time you can with him as you'll never have the opportunity again if and when he does pass on. Prayers are with he and you.

a catered life
11-17-2005, 01:51 PM
You only have one dad, one time.
Do the right thing.
what he said

Tom Brown
11-17-2005, 01:57 PM
You, your Dad, and your family have my very best wishes, Wet Dream.

MagicMtnDan
11-17-2005, 02:27 PM
No offense but why would you even post this? If you know what to do then go do it.
Our families are (should be) THE most important people in the world to us. Maybe you're seeking attention but why on earth would you even post this except to get sympathy? :cry:

Wet Dream
11-17-2005, 02:56 PM
No Dan, I'm not looking for symapthy or attention. Who the **** would need that at this time? I just posted up a topic to see what other people would do. I know what I'm doing and that is to leave ASAP. As is the response of mny other people on here. I posted it up to get into other peoples experiences and feelings. Nothing more. This is a real part of peoples lives. Death is something that everybody will go through. As we get older, so do our friends and family, and death is the end. Like many others, my wife and I are going to have to go through this another 3 times, with her parents and my mom. I figured that I would share this experience with the people on HB as many other things are shared. Some are stupid, some are funny, personal, etc. Most posts on the Sandbar are whizzed by and rants go on and its like reading one of the bussiest newspapers on the planet. I just wanted to share something with the people on here and get their perspective.
Thank you everyone for your comments, prayers and wishes, and to the people that offered up help.

Mrs. Bordsmnj
11-17-2005, 03:20 PM
Why are you still online.....go to your dad.
Best wishes to him!

BigBlockBaja
11-17-2005, 03:37 PM
WD, Go now.. He would drop everything for you if you were in that situation. Hope all goes well.

77charger
11-17-2005, 04:09 PM
definitely see dad.
Hate to say it this way but you can always find another girlfriend if needed but you only get one dad.My dad passed away from cancer sept 04.I spent the last week with him in the hospital.Got to talk to him one last time and go thru the memories.
I would have given up anything that came up that week if needed.No matter how good it would have been

Biglue
11-17-2005, 04:31 PM
No offense but why would you even post this? If you know what to do then go do it.
Our families are (should be) THE most important people in the world to us. Maybe you're seeking attention but why on earth would you even post this except to get sympathy? :cry:
Dude.............
MMD I don't wish you what this man is experiencing but god damn man. What if it was you experiencing that stuff? Don't hand him any sympathy but god damn don't be rude and show a little consideration for the guy. FOCK.

Mrs. casean
11-17-2005, 04:46 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I say GO! I had the chance to see my mom in the hospital the weekend before she died... she was only in for a small surgery... she was suppose to be home in a week! Well it's been 15 years and I never got to say good bye... I hope you can go see him! You never know what tomorrow holds. I wish your dad the best and you know you have our support!

H20 Toie
11-17-2005, 05:05 PM
When i got the call that my dad was real sick i decided to finish the show i was on and left as soon as i got done, he died before i got there. Something i will always live with.

XtrmWakeborder
11-17-2005, 05:08 PM
Go now. I waited a few days to see my grandpa when he was basically on his death bed. Literally as i start walking out the door to visit him my dad answers his cell and says hes gone. I'd go asap.

phebus
11-17-2005, 05:18 PM
You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain by not waiting. Worst case, you go out more then once, because his health improves.
I was lucky enough to have my mom living nearby when she was diagnosed with cancer. Even though it was heartbraking, the time I spent with her was something that will help shape my future life, she had so much to give. I was at her bedside at her final moments, and I had the privelege of holdig her hand while she died.
Gotta go, I'm tearing up, and I don't want to get my keyboard wet.

ahhell
11-17-2005, 05:26 PM
are you still here...get moving...dont do anything that you'll regret

MagicMtnDan
11-17-2005, 05:45 PM
Dude.............
MMD I don't wish you what this man is experiencing but god damn man. What if it was you experiencing that stuff? Don't hand him any sympathy but god damn don't be rude and show a little consideration for the guy. FOCK.
I'm VERY sympathetic and while I didn't shed tears for the him, I do feel for him and, more importantly, for his father.
I won't apologize for asking him why he'd post that info online. It's the Internet and as long as they aren't naked chicks, anything can be posted here (including what I think is VERY personal information).

promod
11-17-2005, 06:05 PM
hey bill get on the plane and leave, everything well take care of itself while you gone, your dad is to young to leave us, pack ya shit and get
promod

rmarion
11-17-2005, 06:18 PM
WD
We just lost this year my wifes mom to the same illness. From the time she was dianosied to her death was 3 months. We were their with her everyday. Also the Dr. gave her 85% of beating it............... Leave your wife home and take a 2 month leave of work.............
Good luck..

Floored
11-17-2005, 08:10 PM
Been there and went and nothing could replace the last few times with my Dad.

ROZ
11-17-2005, 11:02 PM
You know what you need to do. Get the heck out of Dodge, buddy. You're pops needs ya. Having you and your sis around may give him a little bit of spunk he needs.
I'm not in Nor cal, but I do live kinda close to Del Mar... If your sister have pets or anything else that she can't get covered at the last minuite, let me know. I know how to mow a lawn, give a pet some food, or take the trash to the curb :)
Godspeed :)

Sun burners
11-17-2005, 11:07 PM
Go Now!

BigBlockBaja
11-17-2005, 11:27 PM
Go now so you don't say later "I should have gone".
WD, I hope you are on a plane by now....

shadetreedon
11-20-2005, 11:01 AM
I just lost my dad in feb this year.I was blessed to spend the last 2 weeks with him times ill never forget.You need to go and dont think about it.Treasure every
moment you have with him.GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Wet Dream
11-20-2005, 11:32 PM
I am here now. I have been since yesterday. I booked the earliest flight I could. My plane was scheduled to land at 9:30 here in San Jose and we arrived at 9. My dad passed away at 9:15. I didn't get to the house until 10. :cry: He was still in bed when I got here. He is much better off now. When I was here 6 weeks ago, I got to spend the best time with him that I could ask for. I have certain regrets that I could be here for his last minutes, but I did get to be with him. He knew I was coming. This is the hardest thing to go through. I am very lucky to have my wife here with me and my sister who have both been fantistic. I don't wish this on anyone, but its something that is a part of life. Thank you everyone for your support, prayers and wishes.

canuck1
11-20-2005, 11:35 PM
Sad news. All the best from up north

wsuwrhr
11-20-2005, 11:40 PM
If you are close to the old man, and you can afford it, spend all the time you can with him before he goes.
If it isn't for you, then do it for him.
Sorry to hear this.
My Dad had a heart attack about 4 years ago, and I will never forget the feeling of thinking I would never be able to see him again. So I know what you are going through.
my .02
Brian
I know what I'm going to do, but I'm curious about what the reaction would be from others. I know most of you are great on here, so this isn't a matter of right or wrong, but what do you do in this situation?
I made a post last February about my dad having stomach cancer. I got a lot of support and I thank you. He has a fantastic girlfriend of 15 years and she has made the plea for help. My dad lives in Morgan Hill (NorCal) my sister lives in Del Mar (So Cal) and I live in Pennsylvania. I was scheduled to go out Dec 7th to spend the week with him while his GF spent time with her daughter after a surgery, leaving my dad alone. So my sis and I were going to split the week and go to dads. Monday, he falls, can't talk at all. Tuesday he can't talk, can't get from bed to couch without stopping. Wednesday he talks, but breifly and stays in bed. We offered to have my wife go out and stay and help since this is what she does. She was going to be there for a month or so. Then I was going to go out on the 7th. Today he is worse. This kills. He is 59. It appears that he is giving up. He is too strong to say anything negative, but we may be seeing the signs. There is always the chance that this is just a low point and that he will bounce back. The meds he is on takes 2 months to activate, and has a month to go.
What do you do?

wsuwrhr
11-20-2005, 11:44 PM
Crap I just read the last post, sorry about that.
My families' thoughts are with yours.
Brian

BigBlockBaja
11-20-2005, 11:46 PM
If you are close to the old man, and you can afford it, spend all the time you can with him before he goes.
WD.. Im very sorry of your lose.. I hope your taking it well.

JetBoatRich
11-21-2005, 04:56 AM
Sorry to read about your loss and my heart goes out to your family

THOR
11-21-2005, 08:02 AM
My blessings are with you and yours.