PDA

View Full Version : GENTLEMEN!! IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION



EXTRMBT
05-24-2006, 01:57 PM
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over
here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to
daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet,
or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he urinates where ever he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A strai ght
man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will
never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too -- Rear Admiral
Butt-Pirate.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
well as all the names of all the players in the MLB, NFL, NHL, college ball,
PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier"
is, you're a fruit loop. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than
denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that
hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play
with his honey in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon ami, vous ĂȘtes un
fumeur de poteau, oui ? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the
above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion, which is what happens to turd burglars
when they flame out).

moneypit
05-24-2006, 02:45 PM
There is way too much reading to find out if im gay. I will just ask my wife.
"Hunny....!!! Am I gay?
She said No. :yuk:

Kilrtoy
05-24-2006, 03:00 PM
That some funny shiat :boxed:

JB in so cal
05-24-2006, 03:21 PM
ROZ is gonna have to re-read it a few times, me thinks :rolleyes:

Schmick
05-24-2006, 03:25 PM
If you have to take a quiz or ask yourself questions on whether or not you might be gay.... YOU'RE GAY

Phat Matt
05-24-2006, 04:06 PM
If you've had
NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too -- Rear Admiral
Butt-Pirate.
That's pretty funny. :)

MagicMtnDan
05-24-2006, 05:02 PM
1) Have you ever found a guy attractive?
Never!
Just Once (And I was Drunk!)
A Couple Of Times
All The Time!
2) Have you ever kissed a guy?
Never!
Just Once (And I was Drunk!)
A Couple Of Times
All The Time!
3) Do you like Opera?
No way!
Some of it
Yes
I love it!
4) What's the Australian version of Syrah called?
What's a Syrah?
I know, but I forget...
Merlot
Shiraz
5) Do you like going to strip clubs (To watch women)?
Definitely!
Once in awhile
Rarely
No
6) Do you like beer?
Who Doesn't?
Not really
Once in awhile
No
7) Do you like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra?
The what?
I saw them, and HATED it
Eh, they're ok
I love them!
8) How many teams are there in the beginning of the NCAA basketball tournament?
64
32
I forget
No idea
9) Who's hotter, Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt?
They're both homos
Tom Cruise
Brad Pitt
It's a toss up
10) What's a better hand? A flush or a full house?
Full House
Flush
No idea. I don't play cards
They tie
11) Do you like Oprah?
I hate her so much
I respect her as a person
She has her moments
I love her!
12) Have you ever hugged a guy (Family members included)?
No
Yes
Once (And we were drunk)
All the time, we're very close
13) Finish this lyric : "She told me to come, but..."
"I was already there!"
"I don't have any hair!"
I forget
I don't like AC/DC
14) Finish this lyric : "Instead of kisses, we get kicks... Instead of treated..."
Uhhhhh
I forget (Been awhile since I've seen Annie)
It's right on the tip of my tongue
"We get tricked!"
15) Do you floss?
No
Not as often as I should
Sometimes
All The Time!
16) If you have urinals like : 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5, with guys at 1 and 5, which one do you use?
3
2 or 4
I don't use urinals
It really doesn't matter
17) Do you like cigars?
Yes
No
Sometimes
Rarely
18) How many pieces of jewelry do you wear other than a wedding ring and/or watch?
None
1
2
Mr. T has nothing on me!
19) Who won the first American Idol?
No clue, I hate that show
Kelly Clarkson
Clay Aiken
I forget
20) Do you like to dance?
Hell no
In clubs, yeah
I love to
If a lady wants me to

a catered life
05-24-2006, 05:51 PM
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over
here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to
daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet,
or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he urinates where ever he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A strai ght
man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will
never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too -- Rear Admiral
Butt-Pirate.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
well as all the names of all the players in the MLB, NFL, NHL, college ball,
PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier"
is, you're a fruit loop. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than
denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that
hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play
with his honey in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon ami, vous ĂȘtes un
fumeur de poteau, oui ? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the
above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion, which is what happens to turd burglars
when they flame out).
shit :cry: i'm gay ....number 6 got me but i'm a caterer and have to know that shit...... so do i get a pass if knowing the desserts and able to remember some colors turn into hard cash?

JB in so cal
05-24-2006, 05:58 PM
shit :cry: i'm gay ....number 6 got me but i'm a caterer and have to know that shit...... so do i get a pass if knowing the desserts and able to remember some colors turn into hard cash?
NOPE! Fags turn their talents into cash alllll day long :)
You will get a pass after you post the next recipe, though. Wow! That sounded gay right there :yuk:

a catered life
05-24-2006, 10:10 PM
[/B]
NOPE! Fags turn their talents into cash alllll day long :)
You will get a pass after you post the next recipe, though. Wow! That sounded gay right there :yuk:
yes it did fagboy :p and recipe coming soon....i was wondering if anyone noticed :p

Rexone
05-25-2006, 01:57 AM
What's a recipe? :confused:

Beer Factor
05-25-2006, 06:17 AM
I passed. Midlife advantage is having a tough time with it. :)

a catered life
05-25-2006, 06:27 AM
What's a recipe? :confused:
yea real men just use meat and a open flame :p