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RitcheyRch
11-29-2006, 04:51 AM
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or
opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a
note.
Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the
exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should
always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds.
UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into
will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with
a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German
soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often
than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned
a party).
(Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been
suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will
also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when
food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched
precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which
will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break,
only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts,
your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing
around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their
predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just
throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal
gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a
passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel
to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a
picture of your sweetheart back home.
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis.
They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are
friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at
all what the girl does for a living.
27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of
a football stadium.
28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a
telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by
frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all
than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).
30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room
will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by
removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly
gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on
a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control
tower to talk you down.
35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.
36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and
accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red
handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture
present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to
parties).
40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real
life too!).

YeLLowBoaT
11-29-2006, 05:06 AM
41. The killer will always appear when ever 2 teen-agers are about to have sex.
42. you always run up the stairs or to the basement when being chased by some one trying to kill you.
43. When your trying to disarm a bomb is always the red wire.
44. Female cos stars in T and A flicks awlays get thier shirts ripped in fight scenes to expose more cleavge.
45. no matter how much of that shirt remains it will always cover thier nipples.

Debbolas
11-29-2006, 06:44 AM
46. Anyone can drive a boat(that starts at once) to escape from the police or the "bad guys".
47. Women in movies NEVER have to brush their hair, their hair is always perfect, unless they are rearranging it to become more beautiful.(see removing glasses to become more beautiful)
48. Babies never cry in situations unless it helps someone find them. They are especially quiet in situations where their family is hidding.
49. Kids always do what their parents tell them. They never ask why they need to get into the car NOW (in their P.J.'s) and they never ask questions, just calmly obey their parents.
(once there was a suspicious car on my block when my kids where younger, I just wanted to get into my car and drive away, so my neighbor could confront the man in the car. Oh My God! My kids were asking questions and not wanting to get into the car. "why do we have to get into the car mom?" "why can't we bring all my toys?" Why can't we bring the cats?") :rolleyes:

Cheap Thrills
11-29-2006, 06:53 AM
50 ~ Tires on speeding cars will squeal on loose gravel or sand.
51 ~ While shooting at eachother that six shot revolver magically reloads itself giving the shooter(s) an unlimited ammount of ammo.
T.

YeLLowBoaT
11-29-2006, 07:01 AM
52. In a chase secne, when a tire is shot out and the car flips over 5+ times, the driver gets out, brushs himself off and starts running.
53. when ppl are shot in the shoulder with a hi powered rifle they can still shoot anmd fight with the corasponding arm.
54. When paying a ransom, a normal size breif case can hold mils( if not 10s or 100s of mil) in cash.
55. a normall wall will stop all bullets, but the solid core door won't.

Water Romper
11-30-2006, 03:18 PM
56. All "automatic" vehicles will "shift" like it's a 4 speed.
57. when a woman or man takes off their helmet or hat, their hair looks perfect.
58. The glass of beer always seems to change in volume...even when the drinker has only taken one sip.
:)

Konabrent
11-30-2006, 08:11 PM
59. Four stroke motorcycles always make two stroke sounds

deltaAce
11-30-2006, 08:45 PM
60. After a savage death match fight with a villian who most certainly would kill you & your lady, you knock him out & then run to see if your lady is O.K..........with out finishing off the attacker.

cxr133
11-30-2006, 08:54 PM
60. After a savage death match fight with a villian who most certainly would kill you & your lady, you knock him out & then run to see if your lady is O.K..........with out finishing off the attacker.
61. No matter how well the villian is professionally trained in Martial Arts/ Boxing your sidekick beats the villian w/ the 2-3 step karate move you taught him 5 minutes ago

Debbolas
12-01-2006, 06:55 AM
62. When calling someone (either cell or land line) they are always home and answer on the first ring, unless it is important to the plot for the main character to leave a message.
63. When solving riddles, often the letters you need will glow ;)
(Da Vinci Code, TV show Pysch)

cheezpanel
12-01-2006, 07:09 AM
After sex, you never need a towel or shirt nearby to clean up with, and the special sheets absorb everything and stay dry