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Tom Brown
12-18-2006, 09:20 PM
I hit the gym 3~5 times per week. It's one of the best parts of my life. I'm not, nor will I ever be, a muscle man but I'm in pretty solid shape.
Every year, just before the New Year, new people start pouring in. It gets worse the first week in January but it doesn't last more than a few days. These people, at least from a fitness point of view, are morons.
You know the people I'm talking about. They come in all flabby and weezing, step up to the machines and try to nail up huge weight beyond their abilities. Their motions are so herky-jerky and they have such little control of the weight that they hurt themselves trying to pretend they're in good shape.
... then there are the fat chicks. I try to be respectful of obesity generally. It is a terrible issue for a lot of people. The thing is, these broads come in, step onto the treadmill or stationary bike, set the mother fukker on kill and start peddling as fast as they can. Jesus, lady. Let us get a crash cart ready before you pull that shit.
What's going through these women's minds? Did they look in the mirror one day and say to themselves, "Gee... I don't look good. I need to loose 200 lbs. I think I can lose the weight in 10 minutes by exercising until I hurt myself and living off rice cakes for 4 days. ... then, once I'm slim, I'll go back to the couch and rolling bon-bons on my tongue."
The thing about a sedentary lifestyle is it screws up your entire system from the colon to your state of mind. None of it is good. When you begin to exercise, things start working properly. The colon, not believing it's good fortune that it can function again, starts passing the gas that normally would just stay put and cause bloating. These sedentary people always fart like crazy when they start to exercise.
.... so I'm sawing away on an elliptical trainer and Rosanne Barr pulls in next to me. Within 3 minutes, I was engulfed in a methane bubble that was the nastiest one I've ever been exposed to. I was on a little over half way through a 60 minute cycle but I had to step off and move to a stationary bike.
I like to pretend I don't notice when that happens but this one was beyond what I could deal with. Gads!

voodoomedman
12-18-2006, 09:28 PM
Okay you know those farts are bad if Brown can't handle them. What with the stink he has to sit in when he's taking one of his legendary craps! :D
I hit the gym 3~5 times per week. It's one of the best parts of my life. I'm not, nor will I ever be, a muscle man but I'm in pretty solid shape.
Every year, just before the New Year, new people start pouring in. It gets worse the first week in January but it doesn't last more than a few days. These people, at least from a fitness point of view, are morons.
You know the people I'm talking about. They come in all flabby and weezing, step up to the machines and try to nail up huge weight beyond their abilities. Their motions are so herky-jerky and they have such little control of the weight that they hurt themselves trying to pretend they're in good shape.
... then there are the fat chicks. I try to be respectful of obesity generally. It is a terrible issue for a lot of people. The thing is, these broads come in, step onto the treadmill or stationary bike, set the mother fukker on kill and start peddling as fast as they can. Jesus, lady. Let us get a crash cart ready before you pull that shit.
What's going through these women's minds? Did they look in the mirror one day and say to themselves, "Gee... I don't look good. I need to loose 200 lbs. I think I can lose the weight in 10 minutes by exercising until I hurt myself and living off rice cakes for 4 days. ... then, once I'm slim, I'll go back to the couch and rolling bon-bons on my tongue."
The thing about a sedentary lifestyle is it screws up your entire system from the colon to your state of mind. None of it is good. When you begin to exercise, things start working properly. The colon, not believing it's good fortune that it can function again, starts passing the gas that normally would just stay put and cause bloating. These sedentary people always fart like crazy when they start to exercise.
.... so I'm sawing away on an elliptical trainer and Rosanne Barr pulls in next to me. Within 3 minutes, I was engulfed in a methane bubble that was the nastiest one I've ever been exposed to. I was on a little over half way through a 60 minute cycle but I had to step off and move to a stationary bike.
I like to pretend I don't notice when that happens but this one was beyond what I could deal with. Gads!

Firecracker
12-18-2006, 09:37 PM
... then there are the fat chicks.
Nothing else really needed to be said after that. That summed up the whole story right there.
I hate it when all you want to do is get through your work out, but the last machine you need to use has a 2 ton cow sitting on it, taking 20 minutes to get through 10 reps. I think there should be a specified time for time wasters at the gym. If you take more than 5 minutes, you are officially a time waster. :devil:

beerjet
12-18-2006, 09:37 PM
I just let one out for you tom . :D

Danhercules
12-18-2006, 09:42 PM
If I remember right, is this commin from the man that ate a block of cheese?

beerjet
12-18-2006, 09:42 PM
Yeah ! I dont think I can take anymore . :yuk:

Tom Brown
12-18-2006, 09:43 PM
If I remember right, is this commin from the man that ate a block of cheese?
Maybe. :D

C-2
12-18-2006, 09:51 PM
All I can say is that was some good reading.
Tom Brown the storyteller.....http://usera.imagecave.com/lakelover/rofl1.gifhttp://usera.imagecave.com/lakelover/rofl1.gif

boatsnblondes
12-18-2006, 09:55 PM
So the fat chick lets out an SBD, (silent but deadly) and nearly kills you through suffocation...wonder how long THAT thread woulda been had she succeeded....

HCS
12-18-2006, 10:21 PM
It's usually when I'm about to bench press 300 lbs when Tom lets one go.
Failed effort. :squiggle:

ROZ
12-18-2006, 11:07 PM
Never trust a Shart! :jawdrop: :D

HCS
12-18-2006, 11:14 PM
It's the bran muffins.

Jbb
12-19-2006, 03:15 AM
Brown hates it when the guys from the free weight room hang him from a locker door, by his jock strap.. :D

Danhercules
12-19-2006, 07:50 AM
Brown hates it when the guys from the free weight room hang him from a locker door, by his jock strap.. :D
He is probally not to fond of the Chocolate swirly either!! :sqeyes: :jawdrop:

lucky
12-19-2006, 07:58 AM
I hit the gym 3~5 times per week. It's one of the best parts of my life. I'm not, nor will I ever be, a muscle man but I'm in pretty solid shape.
Every year, just before the New Year, new people start pouring in. It gets worse the first week in January but it doesn't last more than a few days. These people, at least from a fitness point of view, are morons.
You know the people I'm talking about. They come in all flabby and weezing, step up to the machines and try to nail up huge weight beyond their abilities. Their motions are so herky-jerky and they have such little control of the weight that they hurt themselves trying to pretend they're in good shape.
... then there are the fat chicks. I try to be respectful of obesity generally. It is a terrible issue for a lot of people. The thing is, these broads come in, step onto the treadmill or stationary bike, set the mother fukker on kill and start peddling as fast as they can. Jesus, lady. Let us get a crash cart ready before you pull that shit.
What's going through these women's minds? Did they look in the mirror one day and say to themselves, "Gee... I don't look good. I need to loose 200 lbs. I think I can lose the weight in 10 minutes by exercising until I hurt myself and living off rice cakes for 4 days. ... then, once I'm slim, I'll go back to the couch and rolling bon-bons on my tongue."
The thing about a sedentary lifestyle is it screws up your entire system from the colon to your state of mind. None of it is good. When you begin to exercise, things start working properly. The colon, not believing it's good fortune that it can function again, starts passing the gas that normally would just stay put and cause bloating. These sedentary people always fart like crazy when they start to exercise.
.... so I'm sawing away on an elliptical trainer and Rosanne Barr pulls in next to me. Within 3 minutes, I was engulfed in a methane bubble that was the nastiest one I've ever been exposed to. I was on a little over half way through a 60 minute cycle but I had to step off and move to a stationary bike.
I like to pretend I don't notice when that happens but this one was beyond what I could deal with. Gads!
tom brown rulezzz -- nuff said

catman-do
12-19-2006, 08:34 AM
Tom, its actually a cover-up. See if ive got to bust ass, i will wait till the person comes along that "looks like they would bust ass". Then after a few minutes of them being there WHAMO!! I lay it on and no one is none the wiser. I think that maybe someone on the boards goes to your gym and smelt your fart so you thought that you'd post this so they didnt think it was you.?.?.? am i right? :idea:
Seriously though in our gym its usually the most fit girls that rip ass in the cardio section. Because they all eat Brocolli, hard boiled eggs, and chicken. ( i work out at the Rancho 24 hour fitness incase anyone is wondering) :D

diggler
12-19-2006, 09:01 AM
I've been going to the gym since I was 14. Been lifting over 20 years now. I'm guilty of ripping it in the gym. Usually happens when I'm on the T-Bar rows. Seems the pad that presses into my torso just forces it out of me! To hell with everyone around me, I'm bigger than them! :D

NOTALENT
12-19-2006, 09:27 AM
haha...funny shiat...I hate the New Years resolution crowd...Everything you stated is true...Its pathetic....Health and Fitness is a lifestyle not something your going to change by over working your body for a week. Save your money and buy more bon bons and beer.:D

Froggystyle
12-19-2006, 09:34 AM
You aren't trolling for a "workout partner" right now by any chance...

BigDoug
12-19-2006, 09:38 AM
Check out wes, he's loking for a work out partner in his own subtle way !! ;)

syke-o
12-19-2006, 09:49 AM
You aren't trolling for a "workout partner" right now by any chance...
LOL..:) aharon.. where are you??

diggler
12-19-2006, 10:19 AM
I have lifted by myself for my entire life. I certainly don't need anyone to "push" me! booowahahaaaaa!

BigDoug
12-19-2006, 10:53 AM
Sometimes you just need a little help you know !! ;)

Baja Big Dog
12-19-2006, 10:56 AM
I too have been lifting my whole life, although I use a screen name on this board I dont really want to tell you my real name, (my friends call me Arnold) and I live here in Calie-fornia, and I gotta tell you nothing turns me on more than chick that had lamb and garlic the night before rip a good one at the gym, thats cool!!!