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hoolign
01-21-2007, 02:56 PM
Problems Below
A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times.
He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but youve overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out. You only have 30
erections left in your penis."
The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem.
He tells her what the doc told him.
She says, "Oh no! Only 30 times! We shouldnt waste that! We should make a list!"
He replies, "I already made a list on the way home, and Im afraid youre name isnt on it."

hoolign
01-21-2007, 02:57 PM
CHINESE PROVERBS
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other mans well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

hoolign
01-21-2007, 02:58 PM
The Farmer and The Poet
A farmer met a poet at the pub and they got talking. The poet was in town to make poems about farm life. The farmer offers to let him stay with him and his daughter so he can get a few ideas of the country life. Three months later the poet leaves town quickly. The farmer is confused but thinks no more of it till a couple of days later his daughter comes and tells him she is pregnant, and that the lovely young poet who stayed with them was the father. The farmer is outraged and wants to beat the hell out of him, but calms down and thinks the best way to get him back here and beat him would be to write a poem to him. So he wrote the following poem.
"I hear there was some pushin from the marks upon the cushions, and the pillows that were turned upside down......but if u marry my daughter venus,i’ll settle this all between us,and u can live happily in this town"
He sends it off to the poet, and when the poet reads it he is extremely outraged.
The farmer received the following poem...
’I admit there was some pushin from the marks upon the cushions,and the pillows that were turned upside down.......but since i met your daughter venis i’ve had trouble with my penis and i wish to god i’d never heard of your f uckin town’!!!

hoolign
01-21-2007, 03:01 PM
Plenty of That!
Three men, an American, a Russian, and a Mexican, are standing on a bridge. The Russian removes a bottle of vodka from his coat, takes a sip, and then throws the bottle over the bridge.
The Mexican asks, "Why did you do that? That was perfectly good bottle of vodka!"
The Russian replies, "Theres plenty of that where I come from."
The Mexican doesnt want to be upstaged, so he removes a joint from his pocket, takes a long puff, and then throws the rest of it over the bridge.
The American exclaims, "Hey! What the hell did you do that for? That was a perfectly good joint!"
The Mexican replies, "Theres plenty of that where I come from."
Now, the American doesnt want to be upstaged, so he searches through his pockets but he cant find anything. He looks around for a moment, then grabs the Mexican and throws him over the bridge.
The Russian exclaims, "What the hell did you do that for?"
The American replies, "Theres plenty of that where I come from."