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Froggystyle
01-30-2006, 07:28 PM
Jack Bauer killed more people than Hitler, AIDS, smallpox and the British Empire combined
Jack Bauer deep throated six Arabian horses not to get info on the location of terrorists, he just likes the taste.
Jack Bauer wears aviator sunglasses as a courtesy to the Sun so it doesn't have to look into his eyes.
Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Jack Bauer's mom asked him who he loved more, her or his country. To this Jack chuckled and responded, "You know that answer" as he snapped her neck. Jack Bauer hates dumb people.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Fox initially wanted to call the show "Jack Bauer: Terrorist Hunter". Jack said "**** you. What happens when I kill all the terrorists?" "Well, we cancel the show." Jack quickly snapped the exec's neck into 24 peices. Hence the name, 24.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.
While in college, Jack was hit on by a girl he knew already had a boyfriend. She made her move, and he smashed her face into a glass coffee-table. Nobody ****s around with Jack Bauer.
A "Bauer movement" is when you shit your pants after Jack Bauer shows up at your door.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.

phebus
01-30-2006, 07:33 PM
:confused: ????????
I'll unscrew his head, and shit down his throat. :mad:

slowinhavasu
01-30-2006, 07:34 PM
Did I miss something here ????????????

Froggystyle
01-30-2006, 07:34 PM
:confused: ????????
I'll unscrew his head, and shit down his throat. :mad:
Do you watch "24"?

phebus
01-30-2006, 07:35 PM
I knew I was missing something. :boxed:

Froggystyle
01-30-2006, 08:06 PM
Where the hell are all of the "24" fans????
Show starts in an hour!!!!

LHC30Victory
01-30-2006, 08:17 PM
Wes, your life is in danger. Either by Chuck Norris for taking his life and making it sound like Jack Bauer's or by Bauer who will get you for using pityful puns from Chuck Norris' life for his :argue: :rolleyes: :)

Phat Matt
01-30-2006, 08:22 PM
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.
Makes sense to me. :)
http://www.woman-magazin.de/bilder/gewinnspiele/24_vorlage.jpg

Tom Brown
01-30-2006, 08:26 PM
Do you watch "24"?
I think Kim Hanson is watching 24 right now.... like he does every night. :D

Froggystyle
01-30-2006, 08:43 PM
Wes, your life is in danger. Either by Chuck Norris for taking his life and making it sound like Jack Bauer's or by Bauer who will get you for using pityful puns from Chuck Norris' life for his :argue: :rolleyes: :)
Jack Bauer doesn't even acnowledge that my life could possibly be in as much danger from Chuck Norris. He also purports that Chucks lines were thought up by someone thinking about Jack.

AZKC
01-30-2006, 08:45 PM
Froggy I'm still hooked, he was going to cut that guys eye out in front of the so called president :crossx:

BajaMike
01-30-2006, 10:39 PM
I've tried to watch this show....I give up.... :cry:
:idea:
Could they possibly write a more far-fetched, un-believeable script :confused:
:idea:
What a bunch of BS...the president be ordered around and blackmailed by his chief of staff....after he kills the former president.
:yuk:
Give me a break....i can't even watch the end...it's too painfully full of shiat....
:boxed:

core attitude
01-30-2006, 10:53 PM
Some random facts about Jack Bauer:
1) If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2) If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
3) Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
4) Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
5) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
6) Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
7) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
8) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
9) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
10) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
11) Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
13) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14) If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re ****ed.
15) Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
16) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ****ing hates lemonade.
17) In grade school, a little boy punched Kimberly Bauer, and Kimberly ran home to tell her dad. That little boy’s name? Stephen Hawking.
18) Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
19) No man has ever used the phrase, “Jack Bauer is a pussy” in a sentence and lived to tel-
20) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
21) Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
22) As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
23) Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
24) If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
25) If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
26) Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
27) Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
28) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he’s done it twice.
29) If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.
30) Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
31) If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
32) After arguing over what was the better show, 24 or Walker Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris went to attack Jack Bauer with his trademark roundhouse kick. Jack Bauer caught it.
Some are repeats but all in all.......very funny. :rollside:

Phat Matt
01-30-2006, 11:06 PM
Some random facts about Jack Bauer:
5) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
This one is good. :D

Froggystyle
01-30-2006, 11:43 PM
When I got to the lost keys one I was crying from laughing so hard...

AZKC
01-31-2006, 07:20 AM
Could they possibly write a more far-fetched, un-believeable script :confused:
Yes they can, I've been watching Surface too :220v:

HCS
01-31-2006, 07:44 AM
And I was looking for an update on the ramp platform. :idea:

SB
01-31-2006, 08:01 AM
12) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.:
That is a real line from the show that I liked.

Froggystyle
01-31-2006, 11:11 AM
And I was looking for an update on the ramp platform. :idea:
Can you watch a quicktime movie? If so, drop me an e-mail at wes@tridentboats.com

Froggystyle
01-31-2006, 11:12 AM
That show was so awesome last night. Who cares that it is implausible? I actually stood up and cheered when Aaron said "I am doing something sir.. I am protecting you."
I hate waiting a whole week though... The suspense!

Froggystyle
01-31-2006, 12:11 PM
A couple more good ones...
When Jack Bauer masturbates, God kills a whole species of cat.
Jack Bauer once spoke without whispering. Ask Sri Lanka what happened.
Jack Bauer's mornings usually start with a trip down his slip-and-slide lined with razor blades followed by a dip in a his pool filled with rubbing alcohol. He likes to dry off with a towel made from sandpaper.
Only reason Chuck Norris is alive is because Jack Bauer needs someone to make fun of because GOD got boring to make fun of
Jack Bauer doesn't wash his clothes. He tortures them until they're clean.
In the midst of war between the Titans and the Olympian Gods, Jack Bauer captured Atlas and forced him to hold up the world until he told him who was plotting against Zeus. After Atlas cracked, Jack rushed off to inform Zeus and on his way out said, "Don't move until I get back." Atlas is still waiting for Jack to get back. It is also a well known fact that earthquakes are caused by Atlas shaking with fear when he thinks Jack is coming back.
In high school, Jack Bauer got a job working as a department store Santa. He was fired after he tortured a child to tell him her Christmas list.
Chuck Norris is a Texas ranger only because Jack Bauer wont allow him to be a federal agent
Jack and Nina actually had a kid. A book was written about him called 'Revelations'
Chuck Norris told Jack Bauer that he only killed 15 people cause he ran out of bullets. Jack told him he only killed 93 people cause he ran out of people. Then Jack snapped Chuck Norris' neck into 24 pieces.
Jack Bauer once bit a zombie. It turned into Tony Almeida
Jack Bauer once played Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris in a "who has the most testacles contest". He beat them both by a combined total of 46
The dinosaurs rolled out 65 million years ago cause they heard Jack Bauer was coming.
Since Jack Bauer is trying to keep a low profile, he will find you, rip your fingernails off and shove them into your eyeballs if you state any more facts about him.
When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Ray Charles only came away with blindness after Jack Bauer shot him in the face, nobody tells Jack to "Hit The Road Jack."
Jack Bauer has had sex with every woman in the world, including Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer was a major reason why David Palmer was elected President. Not just because he saved Palmer's life several times during the California primary, he accompanied Palmer on campaign trips and glared at voters, scaring them into voting for his man.
Bullets don't kill Jack Bauer because they're afraid to.

Jbb
01-31-2006, 12:15 PM
Jack Bauer once played Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris in a "who has the most testacles contest". He beat them both by a combined total of 46
.....lmao.... :p

Tom Brown
01-31-2006, 12:17 PM
Jack Bauer once played Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris in a "who has the most testacles contest". He beat them both by a combined total of 46
.....lmao.... :p
That's....... gold :D :D

Froggystyle
01-31-2006, 02:05 PM
It doesn't take any licks for Jack Bauer to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Jack Bauer simply shoots the shell off.

BajaMike
01-31-2006, 03:01 PM
Think how much trouble the president, the first lady, the Secret Service, the FBI, the CIA, the anti-terror unit, and the whole US population would be in if not for Jack Bauer..... :confused:
:D :D :D

Froggystyle
01-31-2006, 03:19 PM
Think how much trouble the president, the first lady, the Secret Service, the FBI, the CIA, the anti-terror unit, and the whole US population would be in if not for Jack Bauer..... :confused:
:D :D :D
Exactly!

JustMVG
01-31-2006, 03:43 PM
Implausable!!! My God man,the show is escapism, and damn friggin good at it, i dare you to not watch this whole season, then rent the dvd's when they come out, you will sit and watch every episode with out taking a break and then be hooked like every other 24 fan out there. If Jack Bauer were president, Bin ladens #2 wouldn't be taunting by asking "Do you know where i am" he'd already be dead!!!! We wouldn't be wasting time or money on a trial for Saddam Hussein either.
And i love the Security guy who thinks like Jack but can't get away with the same stuff, now the guy has served 3 presidents and has helped Jack with each one.

Moneypitt
01-31-2006, 03:47 PM
Jack Bauer is actually Pee wee Herman after plastic surgery, aint hollywood grand..Oh yeah, hes still a registered SEX offender............

BajaMike
01-31-2006, 03:49 PM
I liked when he was going to carve the Chief of Staff's eye out with his pocket knife...... :220v:
Froggy probably used to do stuff like that..... :crossx:
:rollside:

Froggystyle
01-31-2006, 03:55 PM
I liked when he was going to carve the Chief of Staff's eye out with his pocket knife...... :220v:
Froggy probably used to do stuff like that..... :crossx:
:rollside:
No, but the stuff I wanted to do to that turd made what Jack was going to do look lightweight...

Biglue
01-31-2006, 04:14 PM
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
This is a good runner up to the the testicle contest. LMAO.

DEEZ NUTTS
01-31-2006, 04:40 PM
Even Rush was going on about 24 today. Awesome season so far.

HighRoller
01-31-2006, 08:58 PM
Jack Bauer never loses his car keys. Why? Because he can torture himself to find out where he left them.

Raskal
01-31-2006, 09:17 PM
only 6 more days till the next one :cry:

Froggystyle
02-04-2006, 12:30 AM
only 6 more days till the next one :cry:
Two more now!!!!