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Boatcop
04-24-2007, 05:33 PM
The Koala and the lizard gave me an idea.
I'll go first. (second if you consider the Koala and the Lizard) :D
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says:
"I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

boatsnblondes
04-24-2007, 05:36 PM
(Yawn) Next....:rolleyes:

fat rat
04-24-2007, 05:44 PM
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first? " Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr.
Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow"

Riverat84
04-24-2007, 05:54 PM
The Koala and the lizard gave me an idea.
I'll go first. (second if you consider the Koala and the Lizard) :D
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says:
"I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
OH!

KeepsTheBeerAfloat
04-24-2007, 05:59 PM
This joke transcends the ages, and I don't care if you think it's funny or not...I know some of you are gonna repeat it cuz it's so dumb!!
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe??
.
.
.
.
.
.Roberto!
Thank you...I'll be here all week!

HocusPocus
04-24-2007, 06:14 PM
did you hear about the guy who lost the whole left side of his body?
he is all RIGHT now.

MRS FLYIN VEE
04-24-2007, 06:17 PM
The Koala and the lizard gave me an idea.
I'll go first. (second if you consider the Koala and the Lizard) :D
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says:
"I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
LMAO!! :D

MRS FLYIN VEE
04-24-2007, 06:22 PM
I have posted this one before but here it is again.
There was a Pirate that walked into a bar with a steering wheel shoved into his pants. The bar tender kind of glared at him and snickered..
The bar tender asked the guy " Can you please tell me why you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
the pirate said." Argh, Yes, It's drivin me nutts."

Playbuoy
04-24-2007, 06:36 PM
A young black boy got his report card and noticed it was all F's. He took it to the teacher, slapped her, and said "throw sum D's on that bitch."

Boatcop
04-24-2007, 06:43 PM
16 PUNS
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
4. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
The doctor replies, "That sounds like a Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" asks the patient. Says the doctor, "It's Not Unusual."
5. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true," exclaims Daisy, "no bull!"
6. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
7. DEJA MOO: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
8. I went to the mall to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
9. I went dancing at a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
11. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
12. Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
13. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them is adopted by a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal."
The other is adopted by a family in Spain. They name him "Juan".
Years later, Juan sends a photo of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she could also have a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
15. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which left him rather frail and with serious bad breath.
This made him... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
16. And finally, there was a man who sent 16 different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least 10 of them would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

Daddy_G
04-24-2007, 07:00 PM
This may not be the dumbest joke I ever heard... But it's the sickest!
I apologize in advance. :rolleyes:
How does a hillbilly mom know when her daughter is on her period? :confused:
Her son's dick tastes funny. :yuk:
Sorry

EAZYKILLER2006
04-24-2007, 07:08 PM
The Koala and the lizard gave me an idea.
I'll go first. (second if you consider the Koala and the Lizard) :D
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says:
"I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
how about...
http://lc.fdots.com/cc/lc/2e/2e7d359218055f5ba4477bcd6c179e67.gif

EAZYKILLER2006
04-24-2007, 07:10 PM
This may not be the dumbest joke I ever heard... But it's the sickest!
I apologize in advance. :rolleyes:
How does a hillbilly mom know when her daughter is on her period? :confused:
Her son's dick tastes funny. :yuk:
Sorry
lol;)

EAZYKILLER2006
04-24-2007, 07:11 PM
A young black boy got his report card and noticed it was all F's. He took it to the teacher, slapped her, and said "throw sum D's on that bitch."
woe killer...a young boy...could do it ...no need to get all racial...J/K

boatsnblondes
04-24-2007, 07:12 PM
I tell this to people on the train....gets them to smile....
What do you call a cow with no legs????
GROUND BEEF!!!!!!!!!!!!
BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !:D :D :devil:

Boatcop
04-24-2007, 07:18 PM
The Dr. asks, "What seems to be the problem?
Brown replies, "Promise not to laugh?"
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said.
"I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Brown said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'willie' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentlemen, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Brown replied.

MR.rvrluvr
04-24-2007, 07:35 PM
here is my fav....
Why don't you eat puzzy in the morning
You ever try to split apart a grilled cheese sandwich.....:D :D

MRS FLYIN VEE
04-24-2007, 07:39 PM
here is my fav....
Why don't you eat puzzy in the morning
You ever try to split apart a grilled cheese sandwich.....:D :D
:sqeyes: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: sorry but that is cheesy.. LOL!!

MRS FLYIN VEE
04-24-2007, 07:45 PM
16 PUNS
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
4. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
The doctor replies, "That sounds like a Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" asks the patient. Says the doctor, "It's Not Unusual."
5. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true," exclaims Daisy, "no bull!"
6. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
7. DEJA MOO: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
8. I went to the mall to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
9. I went dancing at a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
11. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
12. Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
13. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them is adopted by a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal."
The other is adopted by a family in Spain. They name him "Juan".
Years later, Juan sends a photo of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she could also have a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
15. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which left him rather frail and with serious bad breath.
This made him... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
16. And finally, there was a man who sent 16 different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least 10 of them would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
LMAO!!:D

goneboatin
04-24-2007, 07:57 PM
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree - Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
See how good they hide.
Why did the elephant paint his balls green?
So he could hide in the avocado tree - Ever see an elephant in an avocado tree?
See how good they hide.
Did you hear about the dead farmer?
He was out picking avocados.

fstlayn
04-24-2007, 09:48 PM
A termite walks into a bar and asks "where's the bar tender?"

HighRoller
04-24-2007, 09:49 PM
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Tip your waitress

OGShocker
04-24-2007, 10:03 PM
Johnny throws his hand up and yells "TEACHER, I GOTTA PISS"!!!!
Teacher: Johnny, that is now way to ask, go ahead and use the wash room. When you get back I want you to write a sentence, on the chalkboard, with the word URNATE in it, 25 times.
Johnny comes back into the room and starts to write. five minutes later the teacher turns to find....
TEACHER, yur an eight, if you had bigger tits you'd be a TEN!:eek:

boater012
04-24-2007, 10:31 PM
How do you know it is bed time at Michael Jacksons house???
When the big hand is over the little hand!
Mcdonalds just made the Mcjackson burger, Two tiny buns with a big piece of meat stuffed in between it.
Two blondes are driving down the road and one turns to other and asks: Can you stick your head out the window and tell me if my blinker is working? Her friend says sure and stcks her out the window.
When she comes back inside the car she says, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no ,yes, no, yes, no.

OGShocker
04-25-2007, 05:20 AM
The Flight Crew
The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc .
Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"
When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit, it's now called...
The Box Office!"

shueman
04-25-2007, 05:39 AM
A very attractive blonde goes to the chiropractor with a knee problem.
After the examination the doc explains the problem, and asks...
"What's a joint like this doing in a nice girl like you" :)

RitcheyRch
04-25-2007, 07:02 AM
Two peanuts are walking through the park when one was a salted.

Pjones2
04-25-2007, 07:20 AM
A guy goes to the doctor and says you gotta help me,
Sometimes I think I'm a wigwam and sometimes I think
I'm a teepee. The doctors replies, "that's easy, you're too tense".
A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer and a mop".

Some Kind Of Monster
04-25-2007, 07:27 AM
Chinese couple had a black baby... What'd they call it?
Som Tin Wong

YODA
04-25-2007, 07:29 AM
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and he felt realy guilty about it.
No matter how he much he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he would hear a calm internal reassuring voice say "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you certianly wont be the last, you are both single and the sex was great, just let it go".
But invariably the other voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering "But Dave your a freaking VET".

YODA
04-25-2007, 07:31 AM
Ok, this ones really bad......
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert,
wandering aimlessly and close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
when all of a sudden...... .
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?
Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune,
and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture
there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...
every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!
Eet EES a bacon tree!"
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?;
We ees in the Desert don't forget."
"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees
no
meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that ....Luis races toward the tree.
He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all
of
a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he
manages
to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man,you was right...ees not a bacon tree."
"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...
Ees.........
Ees.........
Ees.........
Ees.........
Eees a Ham Bush!

OKIE-JET
04-25-2007, 07:49 AM
What do ya call a lesbian dinosaur?...........Lickalottapuss.:D

jrgaudettes
04-25-2007, 07:53 AM
What did the fish say when it slammed into a wall?
DAMMM.:D

jrgaudettes
04-25-2007, 08:04 AM
Confushis say;
He who crosses ocean twice without washing is a,
Dirty double crosser.
Man who stands on toilet, is high on pot.
Man who have hot rod, burns rubber.
Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt, wake's up with a stinky finger.
Virginity like bubble, one prick - all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right; war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Man who screw woman on ground have piece on earth.
Sex on beach like American beer
near water.
When lady say no, she mean maybe
When lady say maybe, she mean yes
When lady say yes, she no lady!
Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
Woman who go to man's apartment for snack
Get titbit.
:D :D :D

jrgaudettes
04-25-2007, 08:22 AM
Some more... :D
All men eat, but Fu Manchu.
America Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant.
Boy who fool around with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.
Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money.
He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.
He who refuses to listen is lying
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.
It take square ass to shit a brick.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Man piss in wind, wind piss back.
Man should learn to masturbate ... come in handy!
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.
Man who eat jellybean fart in Technicolor.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Man who polish knob play pocket pool.
Man who put cream in tart, not really a baker
Man who put face in punchbowl get punch in nose.
Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache
Man who put rooster in freezer over night have frozen cock.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent.
Man with an unchecked parachute will jump to conclusion.
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Never trust men with short legs, brains too near the bottom.
Secretary not permanent fixture till screwed on desk.
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Woman who eat cookies in bed at night will wake up feeling crummy.
Woman who put detergent on top shelf jump for Joy.
Woman who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.
Woman who sit on judge's lap get honorable discharge.
Woman who slide down banister make monkey shine.
He who have last laugh
Not get joke.

soupersonic
04-25-2007, 08:31 AM
This snail was cruising down the side walk.He Runs into two turtles who kick the crap outa the snail.The snail is pissed off and calls the cops.The cops show up and ask the snail what happened.The snail says " i dunno it all happened so fast" :)

yopengo
04-25-2007, 08:48 AM
Kenny - every parent 's dream child......................
I like this kid!!!
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting
on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will
be left?" She calls on little KENNY .
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the
first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking."
Then little KENNY says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop
of ice cream . The second is gobbling down the top
and sucking the cone. The third is biting the top of
the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well,
I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top
and sucked the cone."
To which Little KENNY replied, "The correct answer
is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
LITTLE KENNY ON MATH (Part 2)
Little KENNY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies KENNY .
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f..... difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE KENNY ON ENGLISH
Little KENNY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today
we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does
anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
KENNY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little KENNY , that's a mouthful."
Little KENNY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE KENNY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher
asked for a show of hands from those who could use the
word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My
father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she
looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called
on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
called on little KENNY .
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father
that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"
LITTLE KENNY ON GETTING OLDER
Little KENNY was sitting on a park bench munching on one
candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the
bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that
candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
teeth, and make you fat."
Little KENNY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little KENNY answered, "No, he minded his own f....... business.

KeepsTheBeerAfloat
04-25-2007, 07:44 PM
A blonde walks into the doctor's office and tells the doctor "It hurt's everywhere.
The doctor tells the blonde to touch where it hurts.
She touches her knee "It hurts here"
She touches her foot "It hurts here"
She touches her arm "It hurts here too...what do you think it is doc?
Dr. replies...I think you have a broken finger!
A guy hears a faint knock on his door. He gets up from the couch and walks to the door and opens it, only to find he sees nothing and nobody.
As he turns around, he hears the knock again, thinking somebody is playing a trick on him, he rushes to the door and opens it again...still nothing.
He decides to close the door and wait for the next knock...sure as day, the knock comes again, and he swings the door open.
He looks around and around, he sees nothing. Then he looks to the ground, where he sees a small snail right at the door step.
Still fuming, he kicks the snail all the way across the street and slams the door closed.
A week later, the same guy hears a knock at the door. He opens the door, looks down and sees the same snail staring up at him.
The snail says "What the **** was that for?!"

CARLSON-JET
04-25-2007, 07:45 PM
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says .
:D :D :D
"Liver alone. Cheese mine." :devil:

KeepsTheBeerAfloat
04-25-2007, 07:48 PM
A father takes his young daughter with him to the barbershop to get his hair cut. Once it's the father's turn he gives the little girl a snack cake to keep her busy for a few minutes.
As the father is getting his hair cut, the barber can't help but notice the little girl standing right next to them.
He says "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your twinkie"
The little girl replies, " I know, and my mom says I'm gonna get boobs too!"

KeepsTheBeerAfloat
04-25-2007, 07:49 PM
"Liver alone. Cheese mine." :devil:
That is one of my all time favorite jokes. One of the first jokes I taught my daughter!! LOL

KeepsTheBeerAfloat
04-25-2007, 07:52 PM
A young girl goes in for her first physical.
The doctor asks her to please remove her shirt so he can use the stethoscope.
As he places the stethoscope on her chest he says...
"Big breaths, big breaths".
The girl replies, "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen!"

Troy McClure
04-25-2007, 07:55 PM
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she
:D :jawdrop:

Mr. C
04-26-2007, 09:35 AM
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach As the boy
>walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs
>bigger than his mother's, and asked her why She told her son, "The bigger
>they are the dumber the person is" The boy pleased with the answer, goes
>to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men
>have larger 'units'than his dad His mother replied, "The bigger they are
>the dumber the person is" Again satisfied with this answer, the boy
>returns to the ocean to play Shortly after, the boy returned again He
>promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the
>beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets"

Pheelin Phroggy
04-26-2007, 11:29 AM
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Montana and had told her that she was going to do dishes and housecleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Texas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Nebraska . He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,laundry washed and hot meals on the table
for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by
the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye,
enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

Water Romper
04-26-2007, 12:19 PM
While on patrol a cop drives by a city park and observes a guy swinging a dog, around and around, by the dogs tail.
The cop approaches the guy and notices the guy is blind.
The cop asks the guy “hey buddy, you need any help”?
The blind guy answers, still swinging the dog, “No thanks, I am just looking around” :D

EAZYKILLER2006
05-06-2007, 07:44 PM
NEVER CHOKE IN A RESTAURANT IN THE SOUTH
Two hillbillies walk into a Dairy Queen. While having a couple of Blizzards, they talk privately about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, eating a chicken sandwich, begins to cough.
After a while, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
"Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue; her eyes widen and she shakes her head no.
The hillbilly strolls over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a long lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and
the obstruction flies out of her mouth. She begins to breathe again, the hillbilly ambles smugly back to his table.
His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it.

flatnfast
05-06-2007, 11:09 PM
The Doors open to the elevator and a very beautiful woman enters,
The gentlemen in the elevators looks at her and introduces himself,
as they continue up to there floors he asks, "wow do you think i can smell your panties? the stunned woman all ticked off replies of course you cannot, he replies yea your probably right, It must be your feet!!!!