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marty722
07-14-2007, 10:14 AM
Well here it goes, sorry but I need to vent... My wife after 20 years of marriage wants to seperate. Yes, after keeping her home to raise our daughter and have given her a good life she now wants this. This is one thing that we use to talk about as church going people we didn't even bring up the work divorce. I have lived in my house since 1981 and we were married in 1988 and she has asked me to live in our motorhome. Everything that I have worked for over the last 20 years is going to go. We have a very nice 32 foot motorhome and very nice jeep a very nice house and she drives a very nice car. I just sold my boat and was looking to by Pat's (75miller) boat and then she slams this crap on me.... I'm lost for words.... It hurts as I raised her Son starting at 5years old and he is now 27 and I trained him in the computer field and now he has a great job at disney. Now my 14 year old is in so much pain right now as we use to tell her how lucky she was to have 2 parents together that love her. Now she thinks she just like the other friends that she has that have single parent. My first marriage ended because my x was screwing my best friend and it took me a good 6 years to trust someone and then I feel in love my my current wife who told me that she would never leave me.... I know that there is nobdy else in the picture but she just says that she needs her space... This really sucks. I lost both may parents and my brother at a young age and I swore that I could not handle losing another loved on and this feels like a knife is turning in my stomach..... know you look back and think that things would never happen to you and bam!!! your right in the middle of the storm... Well thanks for letting me vent on here and I don't know if I will be online or not...... Take care.... Marty
PS I'm so very sorry to say this as I'm going to get slammed but women are all the same... Don't care what they tell you they are all the same....

ahhell
07-14-2007, 10:22 AM
dont give up right away, if you still love her, talk, if she is willing, and see what the problem is or may be. Im deffinitely not an expert but I have gone thru this myself and we are still together 10 years later.
Good luck

Moneypitt
07-14-2007, 10:27 AM
Do your very best to make an easy seperation. No lawyers. Talk to her, work out a fair agreement that makes the best of a bad situation. Once lawyers are involved it gets ugly fast and the parties desires are stuck out in the cold. You say you owned the house prior to the marrage?.....Any pre nup??? These things are never easy, just remember everything you say will be remembered and brought up later.......Bite your tongue and don't say anything because of the hurt and feelings of betrayal........Protect what assets you can before it is too late.............MP

marty722
07-14-2007, 10:37 AM
Do your very best to make an easy seperation. No lawyers. Talk to her, work out a fair agreement that makes the best of a bad situation. Once lawyers are involved it gets ugly fast and the parties desires are stuck out in the cold. You say you owned the house prior to the marrage?.....Any pre nup??? These things are never easy, just remember everything you say will be remembered and brought up later.......Bite your tongue and don't say anything because of the hurt and feelings of betrayal........Protect what assets you can before it is too late.............MP
No pre-nup Yeah I'm just keeping my mouth shut right now and doing what she asks but the day is going to come when its going to get real ugly :devil:
And I mean ugly:jawdrop: Thanks peeps for the response......

MRS FLYIN VEE
07-14-2007, 10:41 AM
Well here it goes, sorry but I need to vent... My wife after 20 years of marriage wants to seperate. Yes, after keeping her home to raise our daughter and have given her a good life she now wants this. This is one thing that we use to talk about as church going people we didn't even bring up the work divorce. I have lived in my house since 1981 and we were married in 1988 and she has asked me to live in our motorhome. Everything that I have worked for over the last 20 years is going to go. We have a very nice 32 foot motorhome and very nice jeep a very nice house and she drives a very nice car. I just sold my boat and was looking to by Pat's (75miller) boat and then she slams this crap on me.... I'm lost for words.... It hurts as I raised her Son starting at 5years old and he is now 27 and I trained him in the computer field and now he has a great job at disney. Now my 14 year old is in so much pain right now as we use to tell her how lucky she was to have 2 parents together that love her. Now she thinks she just like the other friends that she has that have single parent. My first marriage ended because my x was screwing my best friend and it took me a good 6 years to trust someone and then I feel in love my my current wife who told me that she would never leave me.... I know that there is nobdy else in the picture but she just says that she needs her space... This really sucks. I lost both may parents and my brother at a young age and I swore that I could not handle losing another loved on and this feels like a knife is turning in my stomach..... know you look back and think that things would never happen to you and bam!!! your right in the middle of the storm... Well thanks for letting me vent on here and I don't know if I will be online or not...... Take care.... Marty
PS I'm so very sorry to say this as I'm going to get slammed but women are all the same... Don't care what they tell you they are all the same....
I am so sorry you are going through this. Specially with kids involved.. The pain is alot to handle.
I hope you both can work it out.. Have you tried counceling through your church. They seem to understand alittle more then a regular marriage counceler.
I do not know what you are going through for I have never walked in your shoes. I hope you both can come to an agreement and stay together.
as for the women are all the same. I will hold my thoughts on that. I really do wish the best for all of you. Hang in there. Marriage is harder then work. Take it one day at a time. Good luck.:)

marty722
07-14-2007, 10:44 AM
I am so sorry you are going through this. Specially with kids involved.. The pain is alot to handle.
I hope you both can work it out.. Have you tried counceling through your church. They seem to understand alittle more then a regular marriage counceler.
I do not know what you are going through for I have never walked in your shoes. I hope you both can come to an agreement and stay together.
as for the women are all the same. I will hold my thoughts on that. I really do wish the best for all of you. Hang in there. Marriage is harder then work. Take it one day at a time. Good luck.:)
regarding as for the women are all the same
Nothing personal its just my toughts right now and I know they will change...

MRS FLYIN VEE
07-14-2007, 10:48 AM
regarding as for the women are all the same
Nothing personal its just my toughts right now and I know they will change...
I understand that.. I know you are hurting right now and all women are Biatches to you.. LOL!!
Hang in there. I'm sure you will pull through this wether it be with or without her.. The most important thing right now is be there for the kids. They are your #1..then you then the wife.:)

I'mTheBeaver
07-14-2007, 10:51 AM
Hi Marty, sorry to hear this. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I don't think there's anything I can say except that you're blessed to have 20 years. beaverretriever and I have one year and hope to have that many years and more but you just never know what will happen. We just take it one day at a time.
All that you did for your wife and her son, you did out of love. No regrets. Love is unconditional. I hope you are proud of the fact that you were a good father and husband. No one can blame you for that.
But you can't control what other people do and how they feel. I hope that you guys can work it out if that is what you both want.
If not, then I wish you all the strength to get through this and YOU WILL.
Now I have to spank you for saying all women are the same! Bend over, please.

Rvr Swpr
07-14-2007, 11:59 AM
Forget the talk. If she wants out she gets out of the house. Be firm on this. If any chance to save it,telling her to go will start the talk. If not,get a good attorney and move on this fast.

Rvr Swpr
07-14-2007, 12:06 PM
The daughter stays with you.

Hustler
07-14-2007, 12:11 PM
Been there done that:mad: Sorry to hear it Marty but this is great advise
Marty, I'm callin BS on what Moneypitt had to say. You go get the best attorney that you can afford as the laws in this stinkin state are stacked against you from the beginning. She'll wind up with spousal support for life, child support, 1/2 of your pension and probably get to stay in the house until your youngest is at least 18 and you know who'll be payin the bills. You need to start yesterday protecting yourself because like you said "it's going to get ugly. If she wants out then let her move out and you keep the child with you. As soon as you leave the domicile that constitutes abandonment and you will be out. Better to force her to go as she's the one that started the mess. As YOU are the one with the income it's going to come down to what you are allowed to keep. There will be less going out if you only have to pay her support and not child support, house payment and child support.
Also, every child that I've known that was raised by a single father had a more structured lifestyle than the ones that were raised by single moms and their "boyfriends". JMHO.
Rio

ratso
07-14-2007, 12:35 PM
Well here it goes, sorry but I need to vent... My wife after 20 years of marriage wants to seperate. Yes, after keeping her home to raise our daughter and have given her a good life she now wants this. This is one thing that we use to talk about as church going people we didn't even bring up the work divorce. I have lived in my house since 1981 and we were married in 1988 and she has asked me to live in our motorhome. Everything that I have worked for over the last 20 years is going to go. We have a very nice 32 foot motorhome and very nice jeep a very nice house and she drives a very nice car. I just sold my boat and was looking to by Pat's (75miller) boat and then she slams this crap on me.... I'm lost for words.... It hurts as I raised her Son starting at 5years old and he is now 27 and I trained him in the computer field and now he has a great job at disney. Now my 14 year old is in so much pain right now as we use to tell her how lucky she was to have 2 parents together that love her. Now she thinks she just like the other friends that she has that have single parent. My first marriage ended because my x was screwing my best friend and it took me a good 6 years to trust someone and then I feel in love my my current wife who told me that she would never leave me.... I know that there is nobdy else in the picture but she just says that she needs her space... This really sucks. I lost both may parents and my brother at a young age and I swore that I could not handle losing another loved on and this feels like a knife is turning in my stomach..... know you look back and think that things would never happen to you and bam!!! your right in the middle of the storm... Well thanks for letting me vent on here and I don't know if I will be online or not...... Take care.... Marty
PS I'm so very sorry to say this as I'm going to get slammed but women are all the same... Don't care what they tell you they are all the same....
This is why I won't "go there" anymore... Happily ever after is a thing of the past. You get married nowdays, you're just asking for a huge Fukkin'... and inevitably... chances are... it's gonna happen. Best of luck...

EAZYKILLER2006
07-14-2007, 12:57 PM
wow, really sooo sorry to hear you are going thru this:(
basically, noting you say, or do, will change her mind ...
if she wants to leave you, she eventually:( will
just try to focus on your daughter, and keep strong for her
her world is probably:( really falling apart,
and for girls
this age is so emotional
be strong;)

Liberator TJ1984
07-14-2007, 01:25 PM
From my experience .... get to a lawyer quick and document your side of the story !!!
I caught my Ex with another dude where as she went into a rage , pulled a gun and shot me !! in front of my 2 young kids ....she hauled butt to a divorce lawyer while I was still in the Hospital.... she had all sorts of restraining orders on me :mad: and made everyone belive it was all my fault ...had a hell of a time settling things to my favor even after all I went thru ....and I'm in Texas where things are alot less complicated as far as divorces go...
Good Luck and God Bless ya.....but your gonna need all the legal help you can get...:(

pw_Tony
07-14-2007, 01:39 PM
Damn man. Should have really sold that boat:jawdrop:
Best of luck to you

centerhill condor
07-14-2007, 01:53 PM
you missed your chance. The first time she told you this load of crap you shoulda kicked her ass...without forming intent.
They won't lock you up for long 'cause they need your money to finance her "movin' on" and "getting on with her life".
start screwin' her sister in the house tonight! or somebody's sister.
Take out some life insurance on her today! buy a 357 tomorrow.
Keep plenty of liquor in the house and ammo.
Build a mashed potato mountain on the kitchen table. and start watchin' close encounters "XXX" version.
20 years and the ride is over...for her! Time to get that job you've always dreamed of having sweetheart. Take her name off all the accounts and turn off the plastic. Make her move in with dear old mom and dad. They'll take her 'cause they've known this is comin' for quite a while.
Good luck and good hunting.

boatsnblondes
07-14-2007, 02:00 PM
What Rio said iss sage advice....if you don't see it as being reconcileable, get started protecting yourself NOW....best of look to you ..............

Xlration Marine
07-14-2007, 02:15 PM
Sound like you went to the WRONG Church. One of them "Fell Good about Your Sin" Church's. Your answer for her lies in the Bible. But it doesn't meen that she will listen. My wife did and for the most part all is good. We fight about HER pool and HER dog and HER choice of crapy paint colors. Nothing of MINE in there is there. Oh MY Boat. Find a REAL Church with Real Mentors. Talk things out. Might be that you will find out the reason why??
www.evbc.org
messages
archive
speaker-Tom Shrader- he tells it like it is.

My Man's Sportin' Wood
07-14-2007, 02:44 PM
I am so sorry to hear about this. Hopefully it will all work out. She probably feels like she doesn't have a life of her own. However, hobbies and travel, going back to college can all fix that.
As for the house. . . if she wants out of the marriage, then tell her SHE can leave. You are staying, and so is the child, and she is welcome to stay too, but you're not leaving. That's her choice. I agree that if she can stay in her comfort zone (the house), divorce will seem an easy out. It shouldn't be. She should feel what it's really like on her own if that's what she wants. That's the way both SW and I feel. Whoever wants out leaves (but if he leaves I'll kick his a$$!!! LOL). It's your house also, you shouldn't have to sleep in the RV.

OverKill
07-14-2007, 02:47 PM
Yes get a hold of the plastic. Your credit will suffer some kind of damge from the divorce. Remember she is on the offense because she has been thinking this up for a long time. If she want's out then to the curb she goes. Also come Monday morning put the house up on the market. Get it sold before some court apoints it to her and your left with nothing. It will also give her the impression of not haveing anything. Also start looking for a nice apartment for you and you child. Do stuff like get a bunch of boxes and start packing her stuff up. Get here job applications from fast food restuarants. Just doing all this to let her know she is nothing without you, and should really think about what she is doing.

OverKill
07-14-2007, 04:09 PM
Rio I like the way you word things, far better than I would. IMO I would just put it on the market and never sell it. Just to give here a curve ball. I might change the locks and such. Maybe even pack her S**T and get her an apartment just to show the courts I tried to help her out. It would also show the courts that I want my kids to have a safe place to visit there mother. Talking with friends, I just hear California is a rough state for men when getting a divorce. I really hope all works out for the guy.
OverKill

Slow What
07-14-2007, 05:38 PM
Riodogs post are solid , you need a lawyer yesterday
You don't have to file for divorce right away , BUT , I suggest you file for a Legal Seperation , so from that day forward anything she buys or charges is HER debt , NOT YOURS .
Good Luck and be the Bigger Person , No Name Calling Ect..... your kids will learn and respect you more for it .

Dribble
07-14-2007, 05:45 PM
Bummer

Moneypitt
07-14-2007, 05:54 PM
I stand corrected. If the situation is to that degree already, get your lawyer MONDAY......Is she on the deed?? Insurance benificuary?? Your house, to the curb with her and her belongings.....Restaining order, before she does it.....I was hoping there was a chance to work thru this, but I guess not, so get ugly FIRST............MP

OverKill
07-14-2007, 06:02 PM
I stand corrected. If the situation is to that degree already, get your lawyer MONDAY......Is she on the deed?? Insurance benificuary?? Your house, to the curb with her and her belongings.....Restaining order, before she does it.....I was hoping there was a chance to work thru this, but I guess not, so get ugly FIRST............MP
Ya what he said

all charged up
07-15-2007, 03:56 AM
Just came out of my second divorce. She needed space blah blah blah.... caught here cheatin.. She asked me what i wanted her to do and I said " pack yur chit and get the fock out". She did within two hours...
She said she would never go after my retirement and all that too until she found out how much it was and she served me with papers from her attorney the day after my dad died.
I came out of it with the house, my truck, and my boat. I also kept the payments but what ever. I refinanced the house and paid off her truck and mine. Gave her a check for just over 15K and called it good. I brow beat her into firing her attorney and i filed the papers. Divorce was final on Valentines day for the final kick in the balls.:confused: :confused:
Keep your wits about you and talk to her alot. Keep the lines of comunication open and sell her on what you want. If you need to get a good attorney, it will pay off in the long run. I used one with my first and I have custody of both my kids, but i lost my huge house and my corvette. Priorities..
Talk to friends and they will keep you sane.. Good luck bro and dont ever roll over and quit... :devil: :devil:

EAZYKILLER2006
07-15-2007, 06:52 AM
never could understand divorce
we dont get to pick our parents, and if we dont like the situation... we deal with it
what if there was "no such thing as divorce?" we would have to find a way to work it out...
i can see if the situation was violence in the marriage... then maybe...
but wtf is
needs space?
unbelievable
after 20 years?:(

RitcheyRch
07-15-2007, 07:06 AM
Marty, am so sorry to read this. As riodog said, get a good attorney and conver your a$$ and assets. When I got divorced in 1995 my wife at the time didnt want anything. Once the attorneyes got involved all hell broke loose. I actually had to change attorneys a few times until found the current one which got me custody a few years ago.

mobldj
07-15-2007, 07:09 AM
anyone who says they need some space is bumpin uglys with another someone needin space,dont leave the house,get a bad ass lawyer(divorce is xpensive cuz its worth it) and hope she likes taking it by the other guy so much she leaves the house.kids will grow up and be on dr phil crying the im a divorced family kid blues,you will survive and get a bigger boat and become a user of females.shoulda listened to tom lykis.meow

v-drive
07-15-2007, 07:14 AM
Marty hang in there. Don't get caught sleeping or she will take you to the cleaners. Her friends are telling her the same things and women normally are quicker to get that attorney than men. Get a good one and make the seperation legal to protect yourself and your daughter. Tjhis is hell you are going through but there is another side and you have made it there before.
v-drive

ratso
07-15-2007, 08:05 AM
never could understand divorce
we dont get to pick our parents, and if we dont like the situation... we deal with it
what if there was "no such thing as divorce?" we would have to find a way to work it out...
i can see if the situation was violence in the marriage... then maybe...
but wtf is
needs space?
unbelievable
after 20 years?:(
...that, or she needs to "fill a void" in her life.;)

Tremor Therapy
07-15-2007, 08:12 AM
Marty,
#1 DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE UNLESS ORDERED BY A JUDGE!
I know this is hard to read and believe, but RioDog speaks the truth as I was one of those who was in your exact situation (but we did not have any kids). I did not get a lawyer first, I did not immediately close joint accounts and credit cards, and I got worked! Big time bucks! She wanted space as well, and let me tell you if another cowboy is not already in the saddle, she has already culled him from the herd!
You need to take care of yourself! Do not hesitate, do not procrastinate! I mean it like I am going to say it....get off your ass and get you and your assets (this includes your daughter) protected. Take a f*cking couple days off if you need, but do it right the f*ck and now! Close accounts or remove her name from everything that you can legally...credit card accounts, bank accounts, investment accounts, life insurance beneficiary, etc.
She wants space, outside of the house is plenty of space, let her know that all of the space she needs is out there and feel free to go find it. Start packing her things right after you get the legal seperation papers filed tomorrow. Do not let yourself get talked into anything different. Don't let her talk you into letting her stay and doing the counselling dealio. If counselling is going to work, let it work, but also make her experience what she wants while you go to couselling....SPACE! Away from your comfortable home, without the credit cards, without the joint accounts, without the family pictures and things that she is used too. It sounds like you tried to provide a loving environment for her and the kids, but if there is any hope, it will come from her experiencing the other side.
And, if after some time she does come back, make sure that you take the time to protect yourself first. Get any legal documentation you can signed protecting you and your assets prior to playing house the second time.

Tremor Therapy
07-15-2007, 09:12 AM
Bob,
No one said they were bought and paid for, we are talking about the situation as it has presented itself. I did not close any of our "joint" accounts immediately when my first wife said she wanted a divorce, and bank accounts went dry, and the credit card limits were maxed within days! And since they are joint, I got the opportunity to pay for half of it! :mad:
Unfortunately I had to fight the divorce battles once, and to be honest I was never proactive and I lost the war. But if I were ever to find myself in that situation again I already know how the game is played, and what I would do to protect myself.
Bob, you can read into it any way you please, I am just expressing my opinion based on my real experience.

centerhill condor
07-15-2007, 12:12 PM
My opinion is probably somewhat skewed by the fact that my wife has a good paying career and is very "thrifty", so running up credit cards or emptying bank accounts would be out of the question for her.
today Bob, today...tomorrow is another day.

EAZYKILLER2006
07-17-2007, 07:04 AM
My opinion is probably somewhat skewed by the fact that my wife has a good paying career and is very "thrifty", so running up credit cards or emptying bank accounts would be out of the question for her. Come to think of it, we have very few joint accounts. :D It sounds like a lot of people have stay at home mom wives.
but we are talking divorce here
if that were to happen
who knows?
you know your spouse (man or woman)
by every day actions
at work or with family
do the get along? OR
are the revengful?
if you know your spouse to be revengful...then watch out
and hope everything
stays smooth
cus if not....:jawdrop:

Mr. Crusader 83
07-17-2007, 07:09 AM
Hire a Hit Man:jawdrop:

HavaSkank
07-17-2007, 07:28 AM
What in the hell is in the water? Isnt this the 3rd or 4th thread about a relationship/marriage taking a dump?
Tom Lykis seems to make more and more sense everyday.

Slow What
07-17-2007, 07:53 AM
Tom Lykis seems to make more and more sense everyday.
:D :) :D