I Haven't Pooped In Days

[Cheap Thrills]

Tomorrow will be day 4 :o I just had some bran flakes so maybe tomorrow will be the magic day. I feel so bloated right now it's hard to breathe and I'm in a pissy mood. my gut has the tension of a well tuned Djembe drum. At least I can entertain myself by pounding out a few bars of my favorite Neal Pert solos.
I've never had this problem before and seriously thinking about finding a tatted up Dr. to consult. Not sure what I ate to cause the blockage but unfortunately I have to be present at the time of release.
God, If you're reading this , Please Bless My Bowels and take my agony. A-men.
T.

[HavaSkank]

You need more cheese in your diet

[CBadDad]

Enema time...

[SB]

Fresh orange juice, docusate sodium, Taco Bell.:)

[CARLSON-JET]

have you tried swiss chard??? :idea:

[Cheap Thrills]

Go to 7-11 and get a Diet Pepsi Slurpee. I guarantee it will be flowing by the 5th sip.
Really ? Never heard of that one before. If the condition worsens or isn't any better by morning I may just do that.
You need more cheese in your diet
Now that you mention it, I did eat err inhale, a whole wedge of Brie the other day. maybe some rind got sideways in there somewhere. I don't know but it seems like ever since I hit 40 some years ago my body has been doing strange things like my pecker just don't get as hard as it use to, will more cheese help with that too ?
T.

[HavaSkank]

Never use the words CHEESE and PECKER in the same sentence. It'll be really hard to convince a bitch she needs to stick her head anywhere near your package with that suggestion.

[WishIknew]

Never use the words CHEESE and PECKER in the same sentence. It'll be really hard to convince a bitch she needs to stick her head anywhere near your package with that suggestion.
Try 14 ounces of 151 and 12 ounces of diet pepsi and ice!!!!!does it for me everytime:) :) :)

[stoker22405]

X-Lax

[Cheap Thrills]

Enema time...
Last resort. It's always been a one way road and I'd like to keep it that way.
docusate sodium,
What's that / duz it get cha high ?
have you tried swiss chard??? :idea:
I would but Mr. Brown cut it all down and smoked it already. :D
T.

[jenstar23]

Doctors call this condition F.O.S. (full of sh*t). Seriously.
Try drinking a pot of coffee with some fig newtons...:umm:

[Cheap Thrills]

Really. That stuff runs through you like Mexican food. Must be whatever they have to put in diet soda to make it stay slushy.
Thanks man I'll definitely try that tomorrow. It sounds much better than some of the suggestions. Not that I don't appreciate the other suggestions. It just sounds easier to stomach and doesn't require the violation of my nether regions.
Doctors call this condition F.O.S. (full of sh*t). Seriously.
Try drinking a pot of coffee with some fig newtons...:umm:
Coffee is what usually gets me started in the mornings.
I've had 2 pots of coffee and a half bag of prunes just for shits and giggles. I've neither shit nor giggled a single time today :(
Ok I may have giggled a time or two.
I'm still waiting on the foremost authorities on the subject to chime in but one is stoned on the neighbors plants and the other hasn't been seen in weeks so I doubt I'll be hearing from them before I explode.
Thanks Y'all
T.

[BigDutch]

but unfortunately I have to be present at the time of release.
Oh my I think I just found my favorite new line. I might just have to use that one on occasion

[Throttle]

take the plug out of your azz

[Cheap Thrills]

take the plug out of your azz
Maybe that's why my razor wasn't working this morning :idea: wait ,, I'll check.. Nope that's not it :D
T.

[Wicky]

Somebody on this website must have some valid advice on how to "download":D Maybe you should email Napster your bank acct info to instantly and legally "download.":)

[Wicky]

Seriously though, four days? I suggest when you are ready to download have a plunger at hand and don't do it in a 1.6 gal water saver!! You're gonna need half of Havasu to flush that one down!!!

[Wicky]

Please, no pictures though!!!!:)

[MR.rvrluvr]

I had the same prob.. awhile back... It sucks.. the worst part is when it finally comes out it feels like you just sheet a baseball... I couldn't sit down for a day......also when it finally comes don't push too hard you might blow a gasket...just sit and let it flow man.....plan on staying home after cause your gonna shit all day.....its kinda like opening the flood gates...once you pop the cork there aint no stopping er.........
good luck......try not to walk too funny....

[Cheap Thrills]

Seriously though, four days? I suggest when you are ready to download have a plunger at hand and don't do it in a 1.6 gal water saver!! You're gonna need half of Havasu to flush that one down!!!
No low flows here in Carolina I have one of those super flows like Al Bundy.
It moves so much water/air the curtains in the window flutter when you hit the handle. ( I just had an idea) :idea: Naaaa.... :D
T.

[Murray PE 857]

A trip to the local Chinese Buffet usually has me lookin' for a toilet before I can return home. Alternate: Chewable chocolate Ex-lax 3 pieces before bed and sleep lightly. Good luck.
PS: I will be in NC, (Lake James), next weekend, hope the aftermath has cleared by then, LOL.

[hoolign]

Tomorrow will be day 4 :o I just had some bran flakes so maybe tomorrow will be the magic day. I feel so bloated right now it's hard to breathe and I'm in a pissy mood. my gut has the tension of a well tuned Djembe drum. At least I can entertain myself by pounding out a few bars of my favorite Neal Pert solos.
I've never had this problem before and seriously thinking about finding a tatted up Dr. to consult. Not sure what I ate to cause the blockage but unfortunately I have to be present at the time of release.
God, If you're reading this , Please Bless My Bowels and take my agony. A-men.
T.
you'll make a great bench racer!:D

[Cheap Thrills]

you'll make a great bench racer!:D
Is that an Official Invitation or is Kimmy in charge of that ? :D
T.

[bchbum]

If you have one , go to Tommy Burgers . I have their burger & fries , a hour later I'm cleaned out .

[Racey]

Roberto's Taco Shop, have a carne asada burrito, guaranteed release 1 hour on the money! :D

[Nord]

Alberto's....................NEVER lets me down....................

[Nord]

STRIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!.................
Hamburger Helper Lasagna!!!!! Apparently it takes about an hour and a half to strike:jawdrop:

[Cheap Thrills]

STRIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!.................
Hamburger Helper Lasagna!!!!! Apparently it takes about an hour and a half to strike:jawdrop:
:eek: so sorry . they tried to tell ya bout that stuff :D
T.

[Tom Brown]

I'm still waiting on the foremost authorities on the subject to chime in but one is stoned on the neighbors plants and the other hasn't been seen in weeks so I doubt I'll be hearing from them before I explode.
I'm not entirely sure your serious. Tom's House of BM has been closed to the public by court order but I will give you a little of my expertise on the subject in case the problem is real.
If you feel really bad, cramped, and tight in the stomach, go for a walk. 30 minutes of walking will often clear an inactive bowel. If the walk doesn't do it, and you really need something to happen, go for a jog. A 20 minute run will probably make you sick and dehydrated from the shitting, given your condition.
Fiber and liquid do not act quickly when the bowel is plugged up. The only effective treatment, short of an enema, is exercise.

[hoolign]

I'm not sure what exactley this stupid duck has been eating..but whatever it is sure has him cleared up..If I can get him to start speaking. I'll quiz him on it!

[mark49]

Give doc Mark more info.... Are you on any new medications, your weight and height, any exercise, or lack of in the past week, diet prior to "the i can't grunt syndrome"
In any event fast, then eat only prunes, i'm talking a large bag, washed down with more water then you can drink... Again eat nothing else, you'll get stomach cramps first then as my test patient shows ya, ya'll shit like a goose.
See test patient below with same symptoms
If this fails ya’ll have to resort to a suppository, works in about one hour.
Change diet, fruits veggies, bran, and tons of water….

[Tom Brown]

A duck waddles into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any grapes?" "No", the pharmacist replies.
The next day, the duck waddles in again, asks again, and again the answer is no. Each day this continues with the pharmacist becoming more and more annoyed with the duck, snapping back with responses like, "Do you see a produce section here?"
Finally, the pharmacist had enough and one day replied to the daily question, "Look... I'm sick of this. I don't have any grapes. If you come in and ask again, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor.
The next day, the duck waddles in and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The pharmacist says, "No" The duck then responds, "Good, then do you have any grapes?"

[Rexone]

Fleet enema.
Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it...
ok release. :eek:
Problem over.

[Cheap Thrills]

I'm not entirely sure your serious. Tom's House of BM has been closed to the public by court order but I will give you a little of my expertise on the subject in case the problem is real.
If you feel really bad, cramped, and tight in the stomach, go for a walk. 30 minutes of walking will often clear an inactive bowel. If the walk doesn't do it, and you really need something to happen, go for a jog. A 20 minute run will probably make you sick and dehydrated from the shitting, given your condition.
Fiber and liquid do not act quickly when the bowel is plugged up. The only effective treatment, short of an enema, is exercise.
Thanks Tom, Yes I am serious.. I am one uncomfortable SOB right now.
It's 4:00am and I can't sleep. I'm sure glad I have FM on messenger to keep me company She has turned out to be a really Great Friend Bless her heart.
I did the exercise thing this morning and walked around the flea market as fast as I could weaving in and out of the breeder carriages for about 3 hrs. I didn't jar anything loose. I may try the jogging thing when the sun comes up. Not a good idea to run around the neighborhood at night. Not that I live in a bad hood but there are a few large unfriendly dogs and more than a few trigger happy rednecks that may not appreciate me disturbing their rest by upsetting the hounds.
Thanks again.
T.

[Cheap Thrills]

I'm not sure what exactley this stupid duck has been eating..but whatever it is sure has him cleared up..If I can get him to start speaking. I'll quiz him on it!
:D Geeez Hooli. too funny ...
T.

[hoolign]

There has to be some info here (http://www.poopreport.com/Shameless/Content/Shameless/shameless.html)

[Forkin' Crazy]

A duck waddles into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any grapes?" "No", the pharmacist replies.
The next day, the duck waddles in again, asks again, and again the answer is no. Each day this continues with the pharmacist becoming more and more annoyed with the duck, snapping back with responses like, "Do you see a produce section here?"
Finally, the pharmacist had enough and one day replied to the daily question, "Look... I'm sick of this. I don't have any grapes. If you come in and ask again, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor.
The next day, the duck waddles in and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The pharmacist says, "No" The duck then responds, "Good, then do you have any grapes?"
LMAO!!!! :D :D :D :D

[RitcheyRch]

Now thats a good sig line
I've had 2 pots of coffee and a half bag of prunes just for shits and giggles. I've neither shit nor giggled a single time today :(
Ok I may have giggled a time or two.

[HavaSkank]

The household garden hose is always fail proof.

[OKIE-JET]

Fleet enema.
Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... Hold it...
ok release. :eek:
Problem over.
Fleet.....got that right.:D

[Baja Big Dog]

Nothing a hot fudge sundae wont cure!! :D

[Ziggy]

Watermellon is a natural laxitive..........

[Cheap Thrills]

Nothing a hot fudge sundae wont cure!! :D
:D Hows the Coffee Cup ? doing what ya need it to do?
T. ;)

[topless]

I think the prune idea and water would be the answer here.

[HavaSkank]

You need to receive a call from your girl friend telling you she's pregnant..while sitting across the table from your wife.
Now THAT would make you shit.

[wright27]

If you have not shit in 5 days, I think you need to go to your doctor before you poision yourself and die.:eek:

[Baja Big Dog]

You need to receive a call from your girl friend telling you she's pregnant..while sitting across the table from your wife.
Now THAT would make you shit.
Man...thats no SHIT!!!!!:D

[Cheap Thrills]

Are we sure that this is really a 'problem'? CT, are you by any chance originally from Canada? Heard tell they are all addicted to something called "Nature's Remedy" up there.
Rio
Nooo Not from Canada been there a few times though , It's a nice place to visit :D I'm a Tarheel original brand Redneck raised on Corn bread and Cheap Beer. I just took a double shot of Phillips M.O.M :yuk: Maaaaaan that stuff is nasty. We'll see how it goes.
T.

[bajarunner]

This shit reminds me of the Schitt's family (oldie but still funny)
A Brief History of Jack Schitt
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, And they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Hope shit happens for ya soon!

[photo chick]

Nooo Not from Canada been there a few times though , It's a nice place to visit :D I'm a Tarheel original brand Redneck raised on Corn bread and Cheap Beer. I just took a double shot of Phillips M.O.M :yuk: Maaaaaan that stuff is nasty. We'll see how it goes.
T.
you should've listened to Rexone, one hour later you'd have been just fine!!

[MIGHTY MAC]

Have you tried eating some green boiled peanuts ro some really hot hot sauce?
That might help

[It's all Good]

A visit to the video rental store or CD/music shopping always gets me going.

[koolbreeze]

by reading some of these responses i can tell you guys really know your shit!:D

[Nord]

This is definately a sh*tty situation................

[Jbb]

https://www.***boat.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=39785&d=1190598345

[PaPaG]

If all else fails go to the doctor :)

[DOZZR]

Fleet,
get the kit that they sell at rite-aid its around 10 bucks, it has a bottle of the worst tasting crap you'll ever drink but the other end stays
:D un-violated and within a few hours you'll be sittin and shittin like someone atatched a siphon hose to yer arz, I had 1/2 my lower intestine removed a few years back and I drank that chit like it was water, but its what the doctors said I had to do to get EVERYTHING out of that peticular area while they were testing and prepping for surgery. The stuff really does taste bad, but its nothing when your plugged up solid. The kit has some pills and other stuff in it but all you need is the liquid stuff, drink it and clear your schedule for the next 12 hours :eek: get some of that cultured yogurt afterwards to get everything back there back in balance.
The best part of that whole experience for me was, that after it was all said and done. I am now only half the asshole I used to be :D

[Baja Big Dog]

We dont know shit from shinola!!:D

[Cheap Thrills]

We dont know shit from shinola!!:D
Either one will leave a slick shiny finish on your Coffee Table err shoes .. . :D
don't ask me how I know
See I don't know shinloa either .. LMAO
T.

[Rexone]

Finally found this thread.
There is was on page 4.
No shit.

[djunkie]

Holy shit!!! (no pun intended) If I don't crap at least 3 times a day I feel something is wrong let alone not having crapped in 3 days. :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

[WishIknew]

Holy shit!!! (no pun intended) If I don't crap at least 3 times a day I feel something is wrong let alone not having crapped in 3 days. :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Out house regular are ya

[PaPaG]

Out house regular are ya
No Shiat :D

[djunkie]

Out house regular are ya
Thats an understatement. I crap twice in the morning before I even get my day started. :D :D

[YeLLowBoaT]

Holy shit!!! (no pun intended) If I don't crap at least 3 times a day I feel something is wrong let alone not having crapped in 3 days. :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
there is something wrong with you... that or you go into the bathroom to take care of something else. :)

[djunkie]

there is something wrong with you... that or you go into the bathroom to take care of something else. :)
Nope. My doctor told me I'm just full of shit. :jawdrop: :D :D

[YeLLowBoaT]

Nope. My doctor told me I'm just full of shit. :jawdrop: :D :D
It didn't take a doctor to figure that out.

[Baja Big Dog]

Thats an understatement. I crap twice in the morning before I even get my day started. :D :D
Yep...6 and 8:30, don't call me then unless you want to hear an echo!!!:D

[Cheap Thrills]

Well the black water is getting through I feel a little relief but not quite up to par. It's hell when you have to give yourself a courtesy flush in your own house. I usually enjoy my own brand but this dose has been fermented a little too long. :yuk:
T.

[ROZ]

I suggest clicking on the RiverRoyal thread and ask one of those biatches what they do when constipated :D
Go see a doctor!

[djunkie]

Yep...6 and 8:30, don't call me then unless you want to hear an echo!!!:D
Since I work nights mine are at 10am and after my 1st cup of coffee. Then usually after lunch also. :D :D

[sorry dog]

Miralax.
That shit works...but be careful of the pre-shit farts.
Wife once cleared a chapel...thank god the service had just ended and we scooted out of there before any confessions had to be made. The faces of everybody coming out of the building was priceless. :D

[Mrs. Bordsmnj]

A visit to the video rental store or CD/music shopping always gets me going.
Thats funny. Anytime and everytime me and my husband go CD shopping, he has to make a poop. And the pricks at Tower never let him use their restroom. :)

[djunkie]

Just to let you guys know I'm about to go take my 2nd shit of the day. Carry on. :D :D

[djunkie]

Thats funny. Anytime and everytime me and my husband go CD shopping, he has to make a poop. And the pricks at Tower never let him use their restroom. :)
It always seems to hit me when we're at the launch ramp at the river. Anyone else think they need to put air conditioning in the restrooms there? :D :D