HocusPocus
09-28-2007, 01:38 PM
With Juice caught trying to allegedly steal memorabilia from an alleged Vegas hotel room at alleged gunpoint, he'll need a pithy "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit"style defense to get off the hook again. Any of these will do.
http://embed.maxim.com/5001-5500/5262/oj_rhymes_article.jpg
"If the items are mine, then what is the crime?"
"If the jersey says 'Juice,' the sentence must be reduced."
"If I can get off for murder, this trial should go no further."
"If you plunder my riches, I might have to kill some white bitches."
"If the jersey doesn't fit, I've just gotten too fat for it."
"If I'm forced to pay millions for another attorney, someone's leaving here on a gurney."
"If the footballs bore my name, then I can't be to blame."
"If you take my memorabilia, I might just have to killia."
"If you aren't this autograph's rightful owner, I've got another pair of Isotoners."
"If you make a movie about Fred Goldman, he should be played by Gary Oldman."
"If the trophy says "Simpson," you'll get a double dose of this pimpin'."
"If you wanted a souvenir, you should've asked for the body I threw off the pier."
"If you can overlook it, I'll write a book called If I Took It."
"If you stole tube socks from my vault, I can't be guilty of assault."
"If the judge forgets I won a Heisman, I'm going to give his legs a Theisman."
"If you think I'm capable of kidnapping, then you're in for a whole lot of bitch slapping."
"If I threatened that collector, I'll renounce my job as bikini inspector."
"If I was part of that armed raid, you know someone would've ended up slayed."
http://embed.maxim.com/5001-5500/5262/oj_rhymes_article.jpg
"If the items are mine, then what is the crime?"
"If the jersey says 'Juice,' the sentence must be reduced."
"If I can get off for murder, this trial should go no further."
"If you plunder my riches, I might have to kill some white bitches."
"If the jersey doesn't fit, I've just gotten too fat for it."
"If I'm forced to pay millions for another attorney, someone's leaving here on a gurney."
"If the footballs bore my name, then I can't be to blame."
"If you take my memorabilia, I might just have to killia."
"If you aren't this autograph's rightful owner, I've got another pair of Isotoners."
"If you make a movie about Fred Goldman, he should be played by Gary Oldman."
"If the trophy says "Simpson," you'll get a double dose of this pimpin'."
"If you wanted a souvenir, you should've asked for the body I threw off the pier."
"If you can overlook it, I'll write a book called If I Took It."
"If you stole tube socks from my vault, I can't be guilty of assault."
"If the judge forgets I won a Heisman, I'm going to give his legs a Theisman."
"If you think I'm capable of kidnapping, then you're in for a whole lot of bitch slapping."
"If I threatened that collector, I'll renounce my job as bikini inspector."
"If I was part of that armed raid, you know someone would've ended up slayed."