Opions please! Awkward moment occured today

[wright27]

Long story short. I was 19 now 34. Dad had an affair with someone very very close to the family. Hate the bitch, it would be good news if I heard she was dead, yes that much hate. My dad left my mom, moved in with her and had a child 12 years ago. Saw his daughter, my half sister once when she was about 18months old, and never saw her again, because my dad passed away, soon after that.
Well today this 12 year old girl walked into my office out of nowhere and wants to get to know me. The problem is the bad blood between her mom and me and she is to young to understand the situation. What the **** am I to do now.:eek: :mad: :devil: :jawdrop: :idea:

[SummerBreeze]

Get over the past and move on
show a little love

[voodoomedman]

Long story short. I was 19 now 34. Dad had an affair with someone very very close to the family. Hate the bitch, it would be good news if I heard she was dead, yes that much hate. My dad left my mom, moved in with her and had a child 12 years ago. Saw his daughter, my half sister once when she was about 18months old, and never saw her again, because my dad passed away, soon after that.
Well today this 12 year old girl walked into my office out of nowhere and wants to get to know me. The problem is the bad blood between her mom and me and she is to young to understand the situation. What the **** am I to do now.:eek: :mad: :devil: :jawdrop: :idea:
The girl is your sister and just as innocent of the situation as you are. If you are confronted by the mom let her know that you want nothing to do with her and only your sister. Easier said than done but you are the way way big brother here.

[Jbb]

Long story short. I was 19 now 34. Dad had an affair with someone very very close to the family. Hate the bitch, it would be good news if I heard she was dead, yes that much hate. My dad left my mom, moved in with her and had a child 12 years ago. Saw his daughter, my half sister once when she was about 18months old, and never saw her again, because my dad passed away, soon after that.
Well today this 12 year old girl walked into my office out of nowhere and wants to get to know me. The problem is the bad blood between her mom and me and she is to young to understand the situation. What the **** am I to do now.:eek: :mad: :devil: :jawdrop: :idea:
That's easy.....get to know her....:)

[OutCole'd]

Tough call, it's not her fault your Dad cheated on your Mom & you hate her Mom. She is your Half sister, might be cool to get to know here. She may want/need to see another side of her Dad.
Just my .02

[shippingguy]

It is not the 12 year old's fault. JMO.

[Some Kind Of Monster]

The kid had nothing to do with what happened. You can get to know her a bit without having to deal with the mom too much. Obviously she cares enough for you that she came looking for you. Give her a chance. :)

[Miss Perfect]

Long story short. I was 19 now 34. Dad had an affair with someone very very close to the family. Hate the bitch, it would be good news if I heard she was dead, yes that much hate. My dad left my mom, moved in with her and had a child 12 years ago. Saw his daughter, my half sister once when she was about 18months old, and never saw her again, because my dad passed away, soon after that.
Well today this 12 year old girl walked into my office out of nowhere and wants to get to know me. The problem is the bad blood between her mom and me and she is to young to understand the situation. What the **** am I to do now.:eek: :mad: :devil: :jawdrop: :idea:
She doesn't need to understand the situation that happened years before she was born. With her Dad dying, she could probably use a positive male role model in her life. Give the kid a chance.

[Some Kind Of Monster]

So what did you say to her when she introduced herself?

[cxr133]

The kid had nothing to do with what happened. You can get to know her a bit without having to deal with the mom too much. Obviously she cares enough for you that she came looking for you. Give her a chance. :)
WHAT THEY SAID!!!

[ratso]

Long story short. I was 19 now 34. Dad had an affair with someone very very close to the family. Hate the bitch, it would be good news if I heard she was dead, yes that much hate. My dad left my mom, moved in with her and had a child 12 years ago. Saw his daughter, my half sister once when she was about 18months old, and never saw her again, because my dad passed away, soon after that.
Well today this 12 year old girl walked into my office out of nowhere and wants to get to know me. The problem is the bad blood between her mom and me and she is to young to understand the situation. What the **** am I to do now.:eek: :mad: :devil: :jawdrop: :idea:
You actually have to question what to do now???:rolleyes:
Oh, and as far as hate for the person that was "close to the family", get over it. It takes two.

[QuickJet]

You should have as much distane and disgust with your father as you do the woman he cheated on your mom with.
It's not your sister's fault. She want's to get to know you and that's a good thing.

[wright27]

I don't blame her at all. This is her deminted mother pushing something on her daughter that is way to young to deal with. There is a much bigger twist to the story. It is Jerry Springer type shit. Her mom moved into our house as a 16 girl and my parents helped raise her and then in her late 30's my dad left my mom for her. Damn that sounds like some Kentucky shit right there.:idea:

[Some Kind Of Monster]

I don't blame her at all. This is her deminted mother pushing something on her daughter that is way to young to deal with. There is a much bigger twist to the story. It is Jerry Springer type shit. Her mom moved into our house as a 16 girl and my parents helped raise her and then in her late 30's my dad left my mom for her. Damn that sounds like some Kentucky shit right there.:idea:
:confused: That's pretty messed up, but the girl still didn't have anything to do with it. :confused:

[ratso]

I don't blame her at all. This is her deminted mother pushing something on her daughter that is way to young to deal with. There is a much bigger twist to the story. It is Jerry Springer type shit. Her mom moved into our house as a 16 girl and my parents helped raise her and then in her late 30's my dad left my mom for her. Damn that sounds like some Kentucky shit right there.:idea:
I just love these kind of stories...:D

[Some Kind Of Monster]

:confused: That's pretty messed up, but the girl still didn't have anything to do with it. :confused:
If the mother is baing a bad example than this is your chance to step up and be a good role model. You don't have to be a dad to her, but don't blow her off because you hate her mom.
I just noticed that I quoted myself.. Is that speaking in the 3rd person? Talk about Kentucky!

[wright27]

I just love these kind of stories...:D
Thanks ratso, only you could get off on something like this:D :D

[Jordy]

I just love these kind of stories...:D
Especially when they're played out on ***boat. :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :D

[wright27]

If the mother is baing a bad example than this is your chance to step up and be a good role model. You don't have to be a dad to her, but don't blow her off because you hate her mom.
I just noticed that I quoted myself.. Is that speaking in the 3rd person? Talk about Kentucky!
She also lives in Kingman AZ. How does a 12 year old get to California without the mother being apart of it?

[hkunz]

She's going to be your blood relative for the rest of your life. In most families, there aren't lot of those. Your move.

[That Guy]

I agree with what most others said....take the time to try and show her a better example....it's not her fault and you could end up being the one in her life that shows her what it means to be a stand up person...good luck. :)

[clownpuncher]

You can choose your friends....ya can't choose your family.
Family is family.
Ain't her fault. Give the kid a break.

[wright27]

Especially when they're played out on ***boat. :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :D
I know sounds crazy to post it in here, but I know very few on here so it makes it easy to share, and maybe just maybe some good info will be shared that I could use to make me less confused on what to do.

[Jyruiz]

She also lives in Kingman AZ. How does a 12 year old get to California without the mother being apart of it?
Don't know, but I would be asking and making sure she is staying at a good place, if not, I would put her in my (your house) house. It is not your sisters fault, even if her mom is pushing for this relationship, be the bigger person and set a good example for her.

[Some Kind Of Monster]

Maybe (just maybe) if the mom wants the kid to meet you, she just might have a little bit of "good person" in her. I don't see anything wrong with her wanting her daughter to meet her half brother. I would have probably called you up or wrote a letter first but hey, to each their own.

[Troubles No More]

Long story short. I was 19 now 34. Dad had an affair with someone very very close to the family. Hate the bitch, it would be good news if I heard she was dead, yes that much hate. My dad left my mom, moved in with her and had a child 12 years ago. Saw his daughter, my half sister once when she was about 18months old, and never saw her again, because my dad passed away, soon after that.
Well today this 12 year old girl walked into my office out of nowhere and wants to get to know me. The problem is the bad blood between her mom and me and she is to young to understand the situation. What the **** am I to do now.:eek: :mad: :devil: :jawdrop: :idea:
Life IS short, get over it.
You can not change the past but you have to deal with it.
Today, you can change someone’s life for the better. You only have today and you can change ,and with the grace of god there will be a tomorrow for you and your sister.

[Ziggy]

My second quote from Lion King today..........."It's in the past, so it doesn't matter". And as many others have said, you should be equally angry at your father for having cheated on your mother.
.
I'd relish finding a long lost sister or brother..........I'd open to her with warm open arms and heart, a once in a lifetime chance to widen your family tree. She might end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. I can't believe you'd consider not getting to know her based on something this other woman(and father don't forget) did over a decade ago.....let it die and go forth young man. :)

[ULTRA26 # 1]

Your 1/2 sis had nothing to do with happened between your Dad her mom. She is your flesh and blood so if I were you, I would spend the time and get to know her. While, your Dad may have done some things that hurt your Mom, there was probabally more to the issue that you will ever know. Your Dad must have seen something good in this lady. Again, I would give your sis a chance and try to get to know her. Just my .02

[wright27]

You all make it sound so easy. I have been waiting for this day to happen, but I did not think it would be this soon.
When she came in today I was shaking like a leaf. I can't explain why.

[Kilrtoy]

You all make it sound so easy. I have been waiting for this day to happen, but I did not think it would be this soon.
When she came in today I was shaking like a leaf. I can't explain why.
its called emotions and feelings...
THIS LITTLE GIRL IS INNOCENT, Be an adult and help this little girl, YOUR SISTER get to know you...

[Some Kind Of Monster]

You all make it sound so easy. I have been waiting for this day to happen, but I did not think it would be this soon.
When she came in today I was shaking like a leaf. I can't explain why.
Again, what did you say to her?

[DeltaSigBoater]

She also lives in Kingman AZ. How does a 12 year old get to California without the mother being apart of it?
Kids today are pretty resourceful. And from what I know about Kingman, and the surrounding area, I'd get the hell outta there too!
She probably wants to know about her (& your) dad.
Good Luck!

[QuickJet]

From the sounds of her mother, you are probably the girls only hope, especially as a male role model.

[Mandelon]

wait til she's 18 then get her pregnant. :sqeyes: Then book a show on Springer! J/K
Its not her fault, she just wants to connect with family. Show her how a good person should act and try to be a good role model. So much pressure on young ladies today.....help out like you know you should.

[Some Kind Of Monster]

I'm going to disagree somewhat about "she's your blood and you HAVE to like/get to know/be nice/etc/her".
I'd be honest with her about how you feel, especially how you feel about her mother. You don't need to give details, but be straight.
She may be the cheatin half of your dad and the biatch part of her mom, who knows?
I would say that after some reflection you might see that she's 12 and in the middle like you...but keep things on a short leash until you know for sure.
I feel qualified to say this as I've lost count of the grandparents my kids have...
I'm going to have to say that if she is 12 she probably doesn't have a cheating or bitch half yet. She probably will though if her only influence is her mom. I'm not saying you have to like her, or even see her twice, just give her a chance and see what she is like. She might be just like you ;)

[Mandelon]

wait til she's 18 then get her pregnant. :sqeyes: Then book a show on Springer! J/K
Its not her fault, she just wants to connect with family. Show her how a good person should act and try to be a good role model. So much pressure on young ladies today.....help out like you know you should.

[Troubles No More]

You all make it sound so easy. I have been waiting for this day to happen, but I did not think it would be this soon.
When she came in today I was shaking like a leaf. I can't explain why.
Emotions show you are a human being.
Stop, a take a deep breath, regroup.
Give her a hug and set up a time to meet her with the rest of your family and friends. Remember she had the guts to find you and walk into your office.

[HokeySon]

If it were me, I might give her a chance and see whether she really just wants to get to know me etc. and to make sure it was not Mom putting her up to something as you suspect.
But, I also don't think you have any obligation to let her into your life if you do not want to. Just because she may be innocent and related to you, doesn't mean you have to like her or make her part of your world. Probably no one else agrees, but that is what I think.

[Some Kind Of Monster]

Emotions show you are a human being.
Stop, a take a deep breath, regroup.
Give her a hug and set up a time to meet her with the rest of your family and friends. Remember she had the guts to find you and walk into your office.
Check that out. You CAN find good advise on ***boat.

[CBadDad]

You're kidding right? :confused:
What are you afraid of? That the acorn doesn't falls far from the tree? That if you have her move in with you, when she's sixteen you'll run off with her?
Come on this ain't ratso's life...:D

[DeltaSigBoater]

wait til she's 18 then get her pregnant. :sqeyes: Then book a show on Springer! J/K
Glad to know I'm not the only sick fock on here :D Because I was going to post something similar :idea:

[RiverDave]

I say pretty much exactly the opposite of everyone else on here..
Tell the mom to get focked and stay focked. Take her daughter with her.
(edited)
RD

[Wet Dream]

Man up and welcome the kid. You don't have to be all open arms about it, but make time to get to know her. You definitely hate the broad that did this, but she was only half of it, you Dad had a huge influence in this. It can't be all that bad. Awkward? Hell yes, but she's as innocent as anyone else in this picture. Maybe she just wants a few answers, a little chat and then she'll vanish from your life, maybe you'll want to continue a little sibling relationship, but you may regret it if you don't give her that opportunity.

[Jbb]

A POS abandons his family, with another POS.. The offspring of that is going to be a POS as well.
RD
:jawdrop: ...Oh My.....:(

[Tom Brown]

The problem is the bad blood between her mom and me and she is to young to understand the situation. What the **** am I to do now.:eek: :mad: :devil: :jawdrop: :idea:
Tell her you are not in a position to be civil to her because you're too small minded and recommend she hang out with classier people.

[acatitude]

You actually have to question what to do now???:rolleyes:
surely doesnt take much effort to at least listen to what she has to say. probably was hard for her to just walk up and intro herself as it was. sounds like you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain

[Tom Brown]

Tell the mom to get focked and stay focked. Take her daughter with her.
Here here!
Have Neva chew her throat out, Dave. http://www.***boat.com/ubb/mad.gif

[RiverDave]

Tell her you are not in a position to be civil to her because you're too small minded and recommend she hang out with classier people.
Damn straight!!
RD :D

[RiverDave]

:jawdrop: ...Oh My.....:(
Oh me?
RD :D

[rrrr]

I was divorced from my first wife in 1991. We had a boy, born in 1983. In 1993 when she was 35 she married a 21 year old. She became pregnant and gave birth to a girl. They were divorced shortly after.
Fast forward to this year. Her ex-husband had a heart attack and died at age 35. A couple of months later the little girl (now 13) came over to my house with my son (her half brother) to go swimming.
I told her she was welcome to come over any time, and if she wanted to go boating or have a party at our house or anything like that then my wife and I would love to have her over.
She was really surprised. My ex-wife was flabbergasted. But hell, her dad is gone and her mom is an idiot. We would be happy to help her out a little. She's just a kid that got dealt a bad hand, like your sister.
So think of it in terms of helping a child at a vulnerable age. She needs your assistance. Chances of her living a normal life aren't very good, but with you in her life it could make a big difference.

[RiverDave]

Here here!
Have Neva chew her throat out, Dave. http://www.***boat.com/ubb/mad.gif
I wish I could, but Neva only likes to kill and eat children.. I could try to sig her on the mom, but surely she'd go for the lil girl everytime... biatch..
RD

[Jbb]

Oh me?
RD :D
Put your original post back up ...you pussy...:p

[thom]

leave it to kingman AZ my ex lives there and dam is that place messed up. just glad my son lives with me instead of her..
Do the right thing be a man and give the little girl a chance if she blows it she blows it. but give her a chance

[Tom Brown]

She was really surprised. My ex-wife was flabbergasted. But hell, her dad is gone and her mom is an idiot. We would be happy to help her out a little. She's just a kid that got dealt a bad hand, like your sister.
OK. Let's say you're me.
.... you're reading the forums and you occasionally make new online friends. To this end, you stumble across a couple of people in the forums.
Person 1: Openly hates his adopted sister/mother for choices she and his Dad made years ago, but interestingly doesn't mention his Dad in his carnival of hate. Further, he hates his step-sister despite never having met her.
Person 2: Has been knocked around a bit by life and continues to share himself and do his best to make the world a better place.
Which one would you want to meet in person?
My personal view on this is that I'm proud to know rrrr online and hope to meet him in person one day. That's a quality guy with a huge heart who posted the piece I quoted above. Thanks, rrrr. You never fail to inspire. :cool:

[Boatcop]

Maybe it's my suspicious nature, but I'd wonder what ulterior motive the mother has, by encouraging this meeting.
I agree, the 1/2 sister is family, and nothing that has happened was her fault. But I'd still try to see if she's being used as a pawn for something.

[Jbb]

OK. Let's say you're me.
.... you're reading the forums and you occasionally make new online friends. To this end, you stumble across a couple of people in the forums.
Person 1: Openly hates his adopted sister/mother for choices she and his Dad made years ago, but interestingly doesn't mention his Dad in his carnival of hate. Further, he hates his step-sister despite never having met her.
Person 2: Has been knocked around a bit by life and continues to share himself and do his best to make the world a better place.
Which one would you want to meet in person?
My personal view on this is that I'm proud to know rrrr online and hope to meet him in person one day. That's a quality guy with a huge heart who posted the piece I quoted above. Thanks, rrrr. You never fail to inspire. :cool:
When you meet me you will be found without your wallet and keys....beaten senseless, and left in a dumpster...:D

[Ziggy]

Maybe it's my suspicious nature, but I'd wonder what ulterior motive the mother has, by encouraging this meeting.
I agree, the 1/2 sister is family, and nothing that has happened was her fault. But I'd still try to see if she's being used as a pawn for something.Still gotta give the girl a chance.....and if suspicions about her mother were not in the back of your mind you'd be stupid.....but honestly, what does the mother stand to gain from him other than a brother for her daughter........some people mature with age and perhaps her name is "Earl".

[HokeySon]

what does the mother stand to gain from him other than a brother for her daughter
Money.... I am a suspicious sort too ..... somebody in this thread already suggested taking the girl in to provide for her ... not hard for me to imagine someone wanting to make contact to take advantage of them.
Maybe the intentions are pure, but I would sure want to find out before I put myself out there to a long lost half sibling.

[Tom Brown]

OK, wright27. Since I'm pretty sure the irony of how judgemental my last post was will be lost on you, I'm going to give you the straight goods.
You are faced with a choice.
You are now confronted with your own judgementalism which has gotten so out of hand that you are judging people you've never even met. You are not the easy going guy you think you are.
Here's the thing. At 34, it may be too late. You may be facing a life spent voicing your approval and disapproval of everything everyone says and does. That life, will not go well and it will not end well for you.
Judgementalism is a very common disability and I feel badly for you. Sincerely.
As you approve and disapprove of people and events, you will find that disapproval is met with people rejecting you. Strangely, they will have absolutely no interest of conforming to your will. Instead, they'll just not speak with you anymore.
Think about it. How much are you enjoying me writing about how wrong you are right now? Even after asking for a general opinion, you can't be enjoying this post. I have no doubt, as you read this you are overwhelmed with knowledge of how wrong I am. Well... you could be right.
People to whom you grant approval, will be OK with it. Sooner or later, however, they will force you to disapprove of something they are doing, you will voice it, and that will be that.
You are painting yourself into a very small, lonely corner.
Easy going? I think not. At 34, you probably still have some friends. The thing is, as you get older, people become increasingly judgemental and also increasingly intolerant of being judged by others. Yes, it becomes quite a bit more difficult to make friends as you get older. You will discover this in the next 5 to 10 years.
So.... the choice. You can continue on the path you are currently on, throwing down righteous indignation, harsh judgements to protect your own insecurities, and reject every potential opportunity based on your distrust of people...... or, you can open up to this 12 year old girl, confont your fears, and turn something negative into something positive.
At 12 years old, she will be pretty smart. People don't give 12 year olds much credit for intellect but this couldn't be further from the truth. What 12 year olds lack in experience, they make up for with intelligence.
May I suggest you talk to her? Don't do some grudging bullshit deal where you see her for 8 minutes at a place you've selected because of it's inconvenience to her. You're 34. You're driving. Go over there, pick her up, and take her for a nice dinner. Tell her how much your Dad splitting with your Mom hurt you. Tell her how much it hurt when your Dad married her Mom. Tell her how you have not found it in your heart to forgive her Mom for choices she, and your Dad, made.
You might be surprised. You might find that she is extremely generous and quick to forgive you the jail of judgementalism you've built around yourself. You might find that she warms to you, perhaps even comes to love you over time, and maybe even becomes a key to your personal growth through her warmth and encouragement.
The only thing you're avoiding by not contacting her is having a better self image.
When you meet me you will be found without your wallet and keys....beaten senseless, and left in a dumpster...:D
My Blue Cross health insurance is looking forward to it. :D

[Kilrtoy]

Cheatin mom is entitled to nothing and can't get anything......
Sucks when kids can't meet and hang with their half siblings because of peoples idiosyncrasies, regardles of age

[Ziggy]

Money.... I am a suspicious sort too ..... somebody in this thread already suggested taking the girl in to provide for her ... not hard for me to imagine someone wanting to make contact to take advantage of them.
Maybe the intentions are pure, but I would sure want to find out before I put myself out there to a long lost half sibling.
Money is always at the top of the list........Unless the father left behind a goldmine there is very little she could attempt to claim.
I'm guessing there may still be plenty of stuff untold here that makes him apprehensive.......or he just has pent up animosity towards his fathers "lover".
Regardless of the motive a chance to have additional family is something you can't push aside.

[Biglue]

My parents were divorced when I was very young too. Pops left moms for another woman. As I got older and have a family of my own, I could only imagine the hardships my parents went through as a couple that led to my dad's decision. Hurts no doubt, but you have to remember that was their life. Was your dad around for you and your siblings? If so, he at least tried to be a father....perhaps a bad husband. Like others have mentioned bro, it takes two.
As far as the little girl, you have nothing to lose. At the very worst, you'll end up not keeping in touch, one the other hand you'll have a whole life with an added sibling. Keep your guard up, and give her a chance. Good luck.

[ULTRA26 # 1]

I was divorced from my first wife in 1991. We had a boy, born in 1983. In 1993 when she was 35 she married a 21 year old. She became pregnant and gave birth to a girl. They were divorced shortly after.
Fast forward to this year. Her ex-husband had a heart attack and died at age 35. A couple of months later the little girl (now 13) came over to my house with my son (her half brother) to go swimming.
I told her she was welcome to come over any time, and if she wanted to go boating or have a party at our house or anything like that then my wife and I would love to have her over.
She was really surprised. My ex-wife was flabbergasted. But hell, her dad is gone and her mom is an idiot. We would be happy to help her out a little. She's just a kid that got dealt a bad hand, like your sister.
So think of it in terms of helping a child at a vulnerable age. She needs your assistance. Chances of her living a normal life aren't very good, but with you in her life it could make a big difference.
Good post

[Jbb]

OK, wright27. Since I'm pretty sure the irony of how judgemental my last post was will be lost on you, I'm going to give you the straight goods.
You are faced with a choice.
You are now confronted with your own judgementalism which has gotten so out of hand that you are judging people you've never even met. You are not the easy going guy you think you are.
Here's the thing. At 34, it may be too late. You may be facing a life spent voicing your approval and disapproval of everything everyone says and does. That life, will not go well and it will not end well for you.
Judgementalism is a very common disability and I feel badly for you. Sincerely.
As you approve and disapprove of people and events, you will find that disapproval is met with people rejecting you. Strangely, they will have absolutely no interest of conforming to your will. Instead, they'll just not speak with you anymore.
Think about it. How much are you enjoying me writing about how wrong you are right now? Even after asking for a general opinion, you can't be enjoying this post. I have no doubt, as you read this you are overwhelmed with knowledge of how wrong I am. Well... you could be right.
People to whom you grant approval, will be OK with it. Sooner or later, however, they will force you to disapprove of something they are doing, you will voice it, and that will be that.
You are painting yourself into a very small, lonely corner.
Easy going? I think not. At 34, you probably still have some friends. The thing is, as you get older, people become increasingly judgemental and also increasingly intolerant of being judged by others. Yes, it becomes quite a bit more difficult to make friends as you get older. You will discover this in the next 5 to 10 years.
So.... the choice. You can continue on the path you are currently on, throwing down righteous indignation, harsh judgements to protect your own insecurities, and reject every potential opportunity based on your distrust of people...... or, you can open up to this 12 year old girl, confont your fears, and turn something negative into something positive.
At 12 years old, she will be pretty smart. People don't give 12 year olds much credit for intellect but this couldn't be further from the truth. What 12 year olds lack in experience, they make up for with intelligence.
May I suggest you talk to her? Don't do some grudging bullshit deal where you see her for 8 minutes at a place you've selected because of it's inconvenience to her. You're 34. You're driving. Go over there, pick her up, and take her for a nice dinner. Tell her how much your Dad splitting with your Mom hurt you. Tell her how much it hurt when your Dad married her Mom. Tell her how you have not found it in your heart to forgive her Mom for choices she, and your Dad, made.
You might be surprised. You might find that she is extremely generous and quick to forgive you the jail of judgementalism you've built around yourself. You might find that she warms to you, perhaps even comes to love you over time, and maybe even becomes a key to your personal growth through her warmth and encouragement.
The only thing you're avoiding by not contacting her is having a better self image.
My Blue Cross health insurance is looking forward to it. :D
You are one long winded Sumbitch!....:jawdrop:

[Miss Perfect]

I am wondering if there is more to this story. Was the mother your girlfriend before she became your Dad's girlfriend? That might explain some of your reluctance to get to know your sister.

[HokeySon]

Money is always at the top of the list........Unless the father left behind a goldmine there is very little she could attempt to claim.
I was thinking more along the lines of sympathy or manipulation. You're undoubtedly right that there is more to the story.

[HokeySon]

I am wondering if there is more to this story. Was the mother your girlfriend before she became your Dad's girlfriend? That might explain some of your reluctance to get to know your sister.
:eek: :eek: :eek: :idea:

[Tom Brown]

You are one long winded Sumbitch!....:jawdrop:
I was trying to balance out RD's POS begets POS point of view. :D

[Troubles No More]

OK, wright27. Since I'm pretty sure the irony of how judgemental my last post was will be lost on you, I'm going to give you the straight goods.
You are faced with a choice.
You are now confronted with your own judgementalism which has gotten so out of hand that you are judging people you've never even met. You are not the easy going guy you think you are.
Here's the thing. At 34, it may be too late. You may be facing a life spent voicing your approval and disapproval of everything everyone says and does. That life, will not go well and it will not end well for you.
Judgementalism is a very common disability and I feel badly for you. Sincerely.
As you approve and disapprove of people and events, you will find that disapproval is met with people rejecting you. Strangely, they will have absolutely no interest of conforming to your will. Instead, they'll just not speak with you anymore.
Think about it. How much are you enjoying me writing about how wrong you are right now? Even after asking for a general opinion, you can't be enjoying this post. I have no doubt, as you read this you are overwhelmed with knowledge of how wrong I am. Well... you could be right.
People to whom you grant approval, will be OK with it. Sooner or later, however, they will force you to disapprove of something they are doing, you will voice it, and that will be that.
You are painting yourself into a very small, lonely corner.
Easy going? I think not. At 34, you probably still have some friends. The thing is, as you get older, people become increasingly judgemental and also increasingly intolerant of being judged by others. Yes, it becomes quite a bit more difficult to make friends as you get older. You will discover this in the next 5 to 10 years.
So.... the choice. You can continue on the path you are currently on, throwing down righteous indignation, harsh judgements to protect your own insecurities, and reject every potential opportunity based on your distrust of people...... or, you can open up to this 12 year old girl, confont your fears, and turn something negative into something positive.
At 12 years old, she will be pretty smart. People don't give 12 year olds much credit for intellect but this couldn't be further from the truth. What 12 year olds lack in experience, they make up for with intelligence.
May I suggest you talk to her? Don't do some grudging bullshit deal where you see her for 8 minutes at a place you've selected because of it's inconvenience to her. You're 34. You're driving. Go over there, pick her up, and take her for a nice dinner. Tell her how much your Dad splitting with your Mom hurt you. Tell her how much it hurt when your Dad married her Mom. Tell her how you have not found it in your heart to forgive her Mom for choices she, and your Dad, made.
You might be surprised. You might find that she is extremely generous and quick to forgive you the jail of judgementalism you've built around yourself. You might find that she warms to you, perhaps even comes to love you over time, and maybe even becomes a key to your personal growth through her warmth and encouragement.
The only thing you're avoiding by not contacting her is having a better self image.:D
Excellent and very well said...

[Ziggy]

I am wondering if there is more to this story. Was the mother your girlfriend before she became your Dad's girlfriend? That might explain some of your reluctance to get to know your sister.He said he was 19 when she was 30 something....so if she was in his home at 16 that makes him 5-6....doubt she was his girlfriend. :eek: :D Sounds more like he grew up with her as a sister if she was there for 14 years. Chances are good that even early on his father was poking and prodding her.
Sad.
I'd rather put difference behind and go on with life...Worry only ages you.

[Jbb]

I was trying to balance out RD's POS begets POS point of view. :D
This board .....is all about........ balance.....:p

[Mohave Vice]

Wow! I would welcome her as a little sister with open arms. You have the opportunity of making a difference in her life. Not as a father, but as her older brother. I would imagine she needs you. However, I would be very cautious in everything you do and say.The best of luck to the both of you.

[H2OT TIMES]

People are human and make mistakes, maybe just maybe, you could try to find it in your heart to forgive her mother and your father. Even if you can't, she just might turn out to be a wonderful sister.
Best wishes

[2forcefull]

[QUOTE=Tom Brown;2830473]OK, wright27. Since I'm pretty sure the irony of how judgemental my last post was will be lost on you, I'm going to give you the straight goods.
You are faced with a choice.
You are now confronted with your own judgementalism which has gotten so out of hand that you are judging people you've never even met. You are not the easy going guy you think you are.
Here's the thing. At 34, it may be too late. You may be facing a life spent voicing your approval and disapproval of everything everyone says and does. That life, will not go well and it will not end well for you.
Judgementalism is a very common disability and I feel badly for you. Sincerely.
As you approve and disapprove of people and events, you will find that disapproval is met with people rejecting you. Strangely, they will have absolutely no interest of conforming to your will. Instead, they'll just not speak with you anymore.
Think about it. How much are you enjoying me writing about how wrong you are right now? Even after asking for a general opinion, you can't be enjoying this post. I have no doubt, as you read this you are overwhelmed with knowledge of how wrong I am. Well... you could be right.
People to whom you grant approval, will be OK with it. Sooner or later, however, they will force you to disapprove of something they are doing, you will voice it, and that will be that.
You are painting yourself into a very small, lonely corner.
Easy going? I think not. At 34, you probably still have some friends. The thing is, as you get older, people become increasingly judgemental and also increasingly intolerant of being judged by others. Yes, it becomes quite a bit more difficult to make friends as you get older. You will discover this in the next 5 to 10 years.
So.... the choice. You can continue on the path you are currently on, throwing down righteous indignation, harsh judgements to protect your own insecurities, and reject every potential opportunity based on your distrust of people...... or, you can open up to this 12 year old girl, confont your fears, and turn something negative into something positive.
At 12 years old, she will be pretty smart. People don't give 12 year olds much credit for intellect but this couldn't be further from the truth. What 12 year olds lack in experience, they make up for with intelligence.
May I suggest you talk to her? Don't do some grudging bullshit deal where you see her for 8 minutes at a place you've selected because of it's inconvenience to her. You're 34. You're driving. Go over there, pick her up, and take her for a nice dinner. Tell her how much your Dad splitting with your Mom hurt you. Tell her how much it hurt when your Dad married her Mom. Tell her how you have not found it in your heart to forgive her Mom for choices she, and your Dad, made.
You might be surprised. You might find that she is extremely generous and quick to forgive you the jail of judgementalism you've built around yourself. You might find that she warms to you, perhaps even comes to love you over time, and maybe even becomes a key to your personal growth through her warmth and encouragement.
The only thing you're avoiding by not contacting her is having a better self image
dam this is good ;)
who wrote this???

[Miss Perfect]

He said he was 19 when she was 30 something....so if she was in his home at 16 that makes him 5-6....doubt she was his girlfriend. :eek: :D Sounds more like he grew up with her as a sister if she was there for 14 years. Chances are good that even early on his father was poking and prodding her.
Sad.
I'd rather put difference behind and go on with life...Worry only ages you.
No he said he was 19 when it happened, now he is 34...at least that is the way I read it. He was 19 & she was 16 living with the family when it happened.

[whiteworks]

play it cool you might need a kidney or something down the road. spare parts are not easy to come by:D

[IMPATIENT 1]

i've got a half brother, he's 1 of my best freinds and we've got each others back no matter what shit goes down;)
get to know your SISTER, keep money and her mom outta the situation;)

[The Doctor]

Wasn't it Don Henley who said "You keep carryin' that anger, it will eat you up inside?"

[Riverkid]

He said he was 19 when she was 30 something....so if she was in his home at 16 that makes him 5-6....doubt she was his girlfriend. :eek: :D Sounds more like he grew up with her as a sister if she was there for 14 years. Chances are good that even early on his father was poking and prodding her.
Sad.
I'd rather put difference behind and go on with life...Worry only ages you.
You're on fire tonight... :)

[slotracer]

get to know her it was not her fault what happened. my wife had a half sister somewhere and always talked about finding her well 1 night i got on here to find her father which with help from a fellow ***boater we did find her dad and her mother called him. they had split up many years ago. my wife finally got some infomation on her half sister only to find out she had passed away 3 years ago. talked about being floored on that one. like others have said it was not her fault. she IS YOUR sister whether you like it or not. be the better person and get to know her.

[Sleeper CP]

You all make it sound so easy. I have been waiting for this day to happen, but I did not think it would be this soon.
When she came in today I was shaking like a leaf. I can't explain why.
It's not easy, most here just expect you to make the right choice. And the fact of the matter is you already know what that is. " I can't explain why"".
The "why" is; despite your anger with her mother and your father when you saw her you knew it wasn't her fault, how can you project your anger on to her. Fact is you can't, or at least fill good about it if you do.
Give the kid a chance, it sounds like you could be an influentical part of her life. The choice is yours and it seems the vote is about 40 to 1.
Sleeper CP
Big Inch Ford Lover

[Ziggy]

No he said he was 19 when it happened, now he is 34...at least that is the way I read it. He was 19 & she was 16 living with the family when it happened.He was 19 when his dad left his mom. She was in her late 30's.

[KahunaJuice]

Get over the past and move on
show a little love
I second that..................

[Shreve"T"]

I was divorced from my first wife in 1991. We had a boy, born in 1983. In 1993 when she was 35 she married a 21 year old. She became pregnant and gave birth to a girl. They were divorced shortly after.
Fast forward to this year. Her ex-husband had a heart attack and died at age 35. A couple of months later the little girl (now 13) came over to my house with my son (her half brother) to go swimming.
I told her she was welcome to come over any time, and if she wanted to go boating or have a party at our house or anything like that then my wife and I would love to have her over.
She was really surprised. My ex-wife was flabbergasted. But hell, her dad is gone and her mom is an idiot. We would be happy to help her out a little. She's just a kid that got dealt a bad hand, like your sister.
So think of it in terms of helping a child at a vulnerable age. She needs your assistance. Chances of her living a normal life aren't very good, but with you in her life it could make a big difference.
Very Straight up !!!! AWSOME....You would be surprised and you know how much this means to this little girl..:D :D :D :D

[RitcheyRch]

Ditto and well said.
The kid had nothing to do with what happened. You can get to know her a bit without having to deal with the mom too much. Obviously she cares enough for you that she came looking for you. Give her a chance. :)

[Miss Perfect]

He was 19 when his dad left his mom. She was in her late 30's.
Ahhhh... I see that now. My version made it more Jerry Springeresque though. :devil:

[wright27]

Again, what did you say to her?
Just asked her how she has been. She is from Kingman, but came into my work, which her moms knows I work there, to ask for a sponsor for a cart wheel thing she is doing for gymnastics. she was there for mabey a min. gave her $10 bucks and she left. I went to lunch and she called and left a message on my voicemail that she would like to go to lunch and get to know each other better.

[wright27]

Tell her you are not in a position to be civil to her because you're too small minded and recommend she hang out with classier people.
Ouch!!! Thanks Tom

[wright27]

OK. Let's say you're me.
.... you're reading the forums and you occasionally make new online friends. To this end, you stumble across a couple of people in the forums.
Person 1: Openly hates his adopted sister/mother for choices she and his Dad made years ago, but interestingly doesn't mention his Dad in his carnival of hate. Further, he hates his step-sister despite never having met her.
Person 2: Has been knocked around a bit by life and continues to share himself and do his best to make the world a better place.
Which one would you want to meet in person?
My personal view on this is that I'm proud to know rrrr online and hope to meet him in person one day. That's a quality guy with a huge heart who posted the piece I quoted above. Thanks, rrrr. You never fail to inspire. :cool:
Tom you could not be more wrong. I never said I hated my 1/2 sister, I said I hated her mother. The bad blood between her mother and me make it complicated to make my sister apart of my life, because I know her mother would try to make herself apart also and part two will never happen. As for my father I was so angry with him for his wrong doings that I treated him like shit for the last 6 years of his life and he literally died in my arms, and that my friend is a regret I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

[wright27]

Maybe it's my suspicious nature, but I'd wonder what ulterior motive the mother has, by encouraging this meeting.
I agree, the 1/2 sister is family, and nothing that has happened was her fault. But I'd still try to see if she's being used as a pawn for something.
Well said, thank you. I am very worried she is using my sister for some sort of evil plan.

[IMPATIENT 1]

Well said, thank you. I am very worried she is using my sister for some sort of evil plan.
or maybe your little sister just wants desperately to get to know the only sibling she has;) maybe i'm missing something but here in the south, family is family.

[Sleeper CP]

Tom you could not be more wrong. I never said I hated my 1/2 sister, I said I hated her mother. The bad blood between her mother and me make it complicated to make my sister apart of my life, because I know her mother would try to make herself apart also and part two will never happen. As for my father I was so angry with him for his wrong doings that I treated him like shit for the last 6 years of his life and he literally died in my arms, and that my friend is a regret I will have to live with for the rest of my life.
When I wrote earlier that it's not easy, this is the reason why. I am surprised that you actually have to spell it out to some people. It will be very difficult to keep the mother at a distance and be close to the little girl. But you'll figure out a balance.
Don't fall for the guilt trip some are trying to put on you. If you do it for guilt you'll recent the decision. Do it because you want to .. If you don't want to you'll have to live with that too.
Just my .02
Sleeper CP
Big Inch Ford Lover

[DCBob]

Tom you could not be more wrong. I never said I hated my 1/2 sister, I said I hated her mother. The bad blood between her mother and me make it complicated to make my sister apart of my life, because I know her mother would try to make herself apart also and part two will never happen. As for my father I was so angry with him for his wrong doings that I treated him like shit for the last 6 years of his life and he literally died in my arms, and that my friend is a regret I will have to live with for the rest of my life.
Well here is your chance to right that regret by doing your level best at giving your half sister a chance to be in your life, regardless of your feelings/lack of feelings for her mother :idea: In my mind this is a no brainer, if it turns out to not be all that is hoped, don't let it be because you didn't give it your best shot. (that'll be .02 please)

[wright27]

OK, wright27. Since I'm pretty sure the irony of how judgemental my last post was will be lost on you, I'm going to give you the straight goods.
You are faced with a choice.
You are now confronted with your own judgementalism which has gotten so out of hand that you are judging people you've never even met. You are not the easy going guy you think you are.
Here's the thing. At 34, it may be too late. You may be facing a life spent voicing your approval and disapproval of everything everyone says and does. That life, will not go well and it will not end well for you.
Judgementalism is a very common disability and I feel badly for you. Sincerely.
As you approve and disapprove of people and events, you will find that disapproval is met with people rejecting you. Strangely, they will have absolutely no interest of conforming to your will. Instead, they'll just not speak with you anymore.
Think about it. How much are you enjoying me writing about how wrong you are right now? Even after asking for a general opinion, you can't be enjoying this post. I have no doubt, as you read this you are overwhelmed with knowledge of how wrong I am. Well... you could be right.
People to whom you grant approval, will be OK with it. Sooner or later, however, they will force you to disapprove of something they are doing, you will voice it, and that will be that.
You are painting yourself into a very small, lonely corner.
Easy going? I think not. At 34, you probably still have some friends. The thing is, as you get older, people become increasingly judgemental and also increasingly intolerant of being judged by others. Yes, it becomes quite a bit more difficult to make friends as you get older. You will discover this in the next 5 to 10 years.
So.... the choice. You can continue on the path you are currently on, throwing down righteous indignation, harsh judgements to protect your own insecurities, and reject every potential opportunity based on your distrust of people...... or, you can open up to this 12 year old girl, confont your fears, and turn something negative into something positive.
At 12 years old, she will be pretty smart. People don't give 12 year olds much credit for intellect but this couldn't be further from the truth. What 12 year olds lack in experience, they make up for with intelligence.
May I suggest you talk to her? Don't do some grudging bullshit deal where you see her for 8 minutes at a place you've selected because of it's inconvenience to her. You're 34. You're driving. Go over there, pick her up, and take her for a nice dinner. Tell her how much your Dad splitting with your Mom hurt you. Tell her how much it hurt when your Dad married her Mom. Tell her how you have not found it in your heart to forgive her Mom for choices she, and your Dad, made.
You might be surprised. You might find that she is extremely generous and quick to forgive you the jail of judgementalism you've built around yourself. You might find that she warms to you, perhaps even comes to love you over time, and maybe even becomes a key to your personal growth through her warmth and encouragement.
The only thing you're avoiding by not contacting her is having a better self image.
My Blue Cross health insurance is looking forward to it. :D
WOW!!!!! Wrong again on the first part. I very much a good person and well liked and loved by many. I would give the shirt off my back to almost anyone and people who know me will tell you that. I never said I hated my little sister and never said I would not allow for us to develope a relationship. The situation is just awkward and there is alot of grey area. I will meet with her for lunch on November 19 that date is already set. The mother is crazy and my biggest concern is she is using my sister as a tool to get at me for something.

[wright27]

I am wondering if there is more to this story. Was the mother your girlfriend before she became your Dad's girlfriend? That might explain some of your reluctance to get to know your sister.
No not ever my girlfriend. The mother moved into our home when I was a child. I was only like 10 years old and she was 16 or 17. She was a foster kid that my parents brought in to help out. Well the affair between her and my dad started when she was in her early 20s and after 13 years of it my dad left my mom for her. It was complete betrayal by both of them.

[hoolign]

No not ever my girlfriend. The mother moved into our home when I was a child. I was only like 10 years old and she was 16 or 17. She was a foster kid that my parents brought in to help out. Well the affair between her and my dad started when she was in her early 20s and after 13 years of it my dad left my mom for her. It was complete betrayal by both of them.
Sounds to me like you need to talk to a shrink rather than HB. She's a 12 year old little girl, why take it out on her?? Put yourself in her shoes. Your supposed to be the mature one here!

[wright27]

Sounds to me like you need to talk to a shrink rather than HB. She's a 12 year old little girl, why take it out on her?? Put yourself in her shoes. Your supposed to be the mature one here!
Refer to post 100. The lunch date is already set.

[wright27]

How funny, Tom Brown and Hooligan are the two biggest screw offs on the boards, and mean that in a entertaining, funny way. I always read there posts and laugh. This matter made them some of the most serious people every, I think they are affended. Definatly jumping to the negative conclusion.

[hoolign]

Refer to post 100. The lunch date is already set.
Are you kidding me?? get the whole story before posting a response?? That would be completley out of HB fashion!
Good luck with your reunion!

[wright27]

Are you kidding me?? get the whole story before posting a response?? That would be completley out of HB fashion!
Good luck with your reunion!
Thanks Hooligan, keep me laughing.:D :D

[ratso]

No not ever my girlfriend. The mother moved into our home when I was a child. I was only like 10 years old and she was 16 or 17. She was a foster kid that my parents brought in to help out. Well the affair between her and my dad started when she was in her early 20s and after 13 years of it my dad left my mom for her. It was complete betrayal by both of them.
He was beatin' it up for 13 years and your mom didn't have a clue?:idea:

[hoolign]

How funny, Tom Brown and Hooligan are the two biggest screw offs on the boards, and mean that in a entertaining, funny way. I always read there posts and laugh. This matter made them some of the most serious people every, I think they are Offended. Definatly jumping to the negative conclusion.
Fixed your spelling mistake :)
I'm not jumping to a negative conclusion at all. I just read a few posts and saw that you had prior issues with her mother. (My bad I should have read on) At 34 years old one would be old enough to come to terms with things or get help coming to terms with past issues. It's obviously something that bothers you! I fail to see how I'm jumping to a negative conclusion here?? I simply stated you should see a shrink (to deal with your mother issue). Your thread asked for "opinions" and I stated my “Opinion".:)
again Good luck with your reunion!

[Some Kind Of Monster]

I stand by my earlier posts, but at the same time I certainly wouldn't throw caution to the wind. The mother has given you reason to be cautious about the situation, but the girl hasn't. I can't figure out what the mom has to gain from this whole situation, unless she is trying to dump the kid on you. What do you suspect her "evil plans" are?

[wright27]

Fixed your spelling mistake :)
I'm not jumping to a negative conclusion at all. I just read a few posts and saw that you had prior issues with her mother. (My bad I should have read on) At 34 years old one would be old enough to come to terms with things or get help coming to terms with past issues. It's obviously something that bothers you! I fail to see how I'm jumping to a negative conclusion here?? I simply stated you should see a shrink (to deal with your mother issue). Your thread asked for "opinions" and I stated my “Opinion".:)
again Good luck with your reunion!
Thanks for the opinion. I tried a shrink when my dad died. The shrink needed a shrink in my opinion, I went to one apointment and after 10 min. all he said was go to the pharmacy and get this perscription filled. I don't believe drugs can fix any problems.

[topless]

I didn't read all the way through tis thread but it is NOT her fault and you should not make it seem like it is. Her mom however had no business telling her about you and screwing her up. Just accept her. Like everyone else said, be the bigger person. When she grows up, she will see the the reality of what her mom is and hopefully won't do the same thing.
Good luck.
Ali

[piper]

Sort the same thing happened with my family. Except my parents still stayed together. I don't really speak to my father anymore, the daughter he had is now 16 and I want nothing to do with her. I don't care if she had nothing to do with it and she is the innocent one here, I don't want anything to do with her. To me she represents the wrost day of my mom's life, the day she found out my dad wasn't faithful.

[wright27]

I stand by my earlier posts, but at the same time I certainly wouldn't throw caution to the wind. The mother has given you reason to be cautious about the situation, but the girl hasn't. I can't figure out what the mom has to gain from this whole situation, unless she is trying to dump the kid on you. What do you suspect her "evil plans" are?
Who knows mabey there could be and key word is could be a financial problem. I really hope if is nothing more than my sister wanting to get to know this side of her family, and there is a few of us. She has me, my wife, my other sister, a brother in law, four nephews, and two nieces (spelling). My next situation is telling my 10 year son he has a 12 year old aunt. I don't think he is old enough yet. Not to mention my nephew is 10 also and my niece is 6.