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Flashover
02-28-2006, 04:07 PM
My wife left me... And I don't understand.
After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut
back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer.
I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.
Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she
came home from grocery shopping, the receipt included
$45 for makeup.
I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't
given up anything!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."
I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"
I don't think she'll be back

Wild Horses
02-28-2006, 06:12 PM
Nice! :220v:

***boateditor
02-28-2006, 06:26 PM
A guy comes home in the middle of the day. Excitedly, he yells out to his wife, "Pack your bags, honey -- I just won the lottery!"
She responds, “Wow, great! Should I pack for the beach, or pack for the mountains?"
"I don't care," he cries. "Just get the hell out!”

G-Body
03-01-2006, 08:23 PM
Married Guy Joke
One evening last week, my wife & I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not enough in touch with my financial needs as a man for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either

Charley
03-01-2006, 09:03 PM
G body.... that was funny!