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soupersonic
03-16-2006, 03:39 PM
Genie in a bottle
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...What'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, please be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...........a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the freaking map again."

HYPNAUTIC
03-16-2006, 08:52 PM
A poor man from the mid-west was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and given only a few months to live. Upon learning of his condition he decided to fulfill one of his life long dreams.
He had always dreamed of visiting Hawaii, but without the money to get there he compromised his dreams and decided to drive out to California. He figured if I cant get there I can at least get as close as I can to Hawaii.
A few days later he pulled up to the shoreline in Southern California, jump out of the car and ran onto the beach. During his frolicking in the sand he uncovered a genie bottle. He brushed off the sand and out popped the genie in the bottle.
The genie said he would grant one wish (must be the same genie from the other story). The dying man told the genie his story and why he was out on the beach that day, the man then asked the genie if he could build a highway from California to Hawaii.
The genie overwelmed with this request asked if there was anything else he could do instead. The man thought. He replied to the genie that he was never good at understanding women and had been unsuccessful love and has been divorced twice. His wish was to be able to understand women so he could find a partner to live out the remander of his life.
The genie looked at the man, kinda sideways. Turned and looked out over the ocean. Then looked back at the man and asked "was that a one or two lane highway?"