Lets see your MOST offensive jokes

[XLGPP]

Q: Why do gays like ribbed condoms?
>> > > > A: Better traction in the mud.
Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the
>>house?
>> > > > A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not
>>time.
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
>> > > > A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
>> > > >

[XLGPP]

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the
>> > battered
>> > > >wives' shelter?
>> > > > A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her
Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
>> > > > A: Something a woman does while a guy is ****ing her.
>> > > >
Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
>> > > > A: They don't ****ing listen.
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
>> > > > A: Gonorrhea
Q: How can you tell a macho woman?
>> > > > A: She rolls her own tampons.
Q: What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?
>> > > > A: Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at
>>least
>> > > >13 years old.
Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
>> > > > A: Marry it.
Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
>> > > > A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
>> > > > A: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're
>>driving.
Q: What's the difference between mayonnaise &semen?
>> > > > A: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at
>>thirty
>> > > >miles an hour.
Q: What's a mixed feeling?
>> > > > A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in
>>your
>> > new
>> > > >car.
Q: What's the height of conceit?
>> > > > A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
>> > > >
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
>> > > > A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
>> > > > A: You know she'll swallow.
>> > > >
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on
>>the
>> > > >same day in Iraq?
>> > > > A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
>> > > > A: They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that
>>kick.

[mickeyfinn]

Why is divorce so expensive?
BECAUSE IT IS WORTH IT!!!!

[beyondhelpin]

WARNING READ AT YOU OWN RISK!
Remember you asked for it.
A Pollock is walking down the road wishing he had some money to buy some food. He had not had anything to eat in a couple of days. As he walks by a farm he notices a sign out front saying "Help Wanted". So the Pollock walks up and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers the the door the Pollock inquires about the job.
The farmer hires him and says "The first thing we need to do is take my old mule Betsy down to the pond to force her to drink some water. This damn mule just wont drink anymore" So they walk the mule down to the pond. The farmer tells him along the way that he has a plan. The farmer tells the Pollock that he will hold the mules head down in the water and for him to cup his hands around the mules butt and suck just as hard as he can. That way we can get a suction going. The Pollock readily agrees with the farmer thinking this plan sounds brilliant.
So the Farmer holds old Betsy's head down in the water. The Pollock goes around to the mules backside and cups his hands around Betsy's butt and start pulling a suction the best he can. Pretty soon he jumps back and starts screaming at the farmer to "Pull his head up!.....Pull his head up!.......Shes pulling up mud!!!!!!!!!
WARNING "THIS ONE IS EVEN WORSE"
A girl in the Ozarks just turned 16 today. She goes in to ask her daddy to use the car so her and her friends can go to the drive in movie. She says "Daddy can I use to car tonight to go see a movie". Daddy says "Sure honey. All you have to do is suck Daddy dick". The girl thinks about it for a second and says "Sure Daddy". As quick as she goes down she comes back up and screaming "Daddy your dick taste like shit". To which he replies "Thats right your brother has the car!"
jawdrop jawdrop jawdrop jawdrop jawdrop

[NashvilleBound]

Theres a mamma duck and a baby duck, a mamma skunk and a baby skunk. They are going to cross the road. The two mammas go out into the road to check if its clear and....rrrrrrr (screaching tires) splat...no more mammas. The two babies look at each other and ask "Were so young we dont know what we are?!?!?" So the baby duck asks the baby skunk what am I?
Skunk.. "Lets see....you have a beak, and feathers you must be a duck.
Duck.."Oh thank you, thank you.
So the baby skunk asks the baby duck "What am I??"
Duck.."Lets see, your not all white
and not all black and you stink REAL bad...You must be a Mexican.

[jlnorthrup122]

Q> How many men does it take to open up a beercan?
A> None the bitch better have it open by the time she gets it to me!

[jlnorthrup122]

This guy walks into a bar and goes up to the bar tender and says give me a beer and get that dushbag on the end of the bar whatever she wants. The bartender says "look you don't need to be disrespectful in here" and gets the guy his beer and asks the lady on the end of the bar what she would like the guy over there is buying. The lady replies "I'll have a vinager & water! http://www.smileaboutit.com/anband/mousedrunk.gif

[jlnorthrup122]

Don't get all offencive on my I am part zunie.
One day back the 1700's this vantriliquest in New York decides that he is gona go West but he don't have a wagon or horse so he proclaims this to a wagon band leader and the leader says no problem you can ride with me. So they get to Oaklahoma and the wagon band leader catches the vantriloquist ****ing his wife so the wagon band leader kicks the vatriliquest out of his wagon with 1/2 a cantine of water in the middle of the desert. So the vantriliquest is walkin through the desert and out of water when he sees this Indian Warior on a big white horse. So the vintriliquest walks up to the Indian a Says to the Indian "Did you know your horse can talk?" the indian replies " Horse no talk" Vantriliquest say sure he does and the vantriliquest throws his voice to make it seem as though the horse were talkin. The Indian's eyes get all big and he says " holyshit horse talk" The vantriliquest say "why he sure does now if I could have drink of your water I would be gratefull so the Indian gives the Vantriliquest his canteen. Then the Vatriliquest Says Thank you for the water and now I will go talk to your sheep. The Indian replies "You no talk to sheep Sheep tell Lie"
Damn I never knew how long that ****ing joke was till now
http://www.smileaboutit.com/anband/AN5555.GIF

[GlastronGuy]

jlnorthrup122:
Don't get all offencive on my I am part zunie.
One day back the 1700's this vantriliquest in New York decides that he is gona go West but he don't have a wagon or horse so he proclaims this to a wagon band leader and the leader says no problem you can ride with me. So they get to Oaklahoma and the wagon band leader catches the vantriloquist ****ing his wife so the wagon band leader kicks the vatriliquest out of his wagon with 1/2 a cantine of water in the middle of the desert. So the vantriliquest is walkin through the desert and out of water when he sees this Indian Warior on a big white horse. So the vintriliquest walks up to the Indian a Says to the Indian "Did you know your horse can talk?" the indian replies " Horse no talk" Vantriliquest say sure he does and the vantriliquest throws his voice to make it seem as though the horse were talkin. The Indian's eyes get all big and he says " holyshit horse talk" The vantriliquest say "why he sure does now if I could have drink of your water I would be gratefull so the Indian gives the Vantriliquest his canteen. Then the Vatriliquest Says Thank you for the water and now I will go talk to your sheep. The Indian replies "You no talk to sheep Sheep tell Lie"
Damn I never knew how long that ****ing joke was till now
http://www.smileaboutit.com/anband/AN5555.GIF jlnorthrup122, this might interest you. (http://www.iespell.com/)

[hoolign]

hear about the new German microwave...seats 50
well you wanted offensive :p

[CALIFORNIA PERFORMANCE]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice.

[Kilrtoy]

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball
JUAN on JUAN
[ May 17, 2003, 10:21 PM: Message edited by: Kilrtoy ]

[CA Stu]

I heard this from my uncle who grew up in West Virginia and is now about 70 yrs. old.
Did you hear about KKK Kneivel?
He's gonna jump 50 niggers with a steamroller.
(Name withheld to protect the innocent)

[topless]

What is a Yankee?
Its kind of like a quickie but a guy can do it alone. :D

[Rod-64]

How can you tell if a mechanic just picked his nose???
His finger is clean.

[American Xtreme Marine]

A kid says to his dad, "Hey pop, can I have $20 for a blowjob?"
The dad says, "I dunno, you any good?"
Little Clancy says "DAD, can I have $20 for a guinea pig?"
Dad replies, "Here's $40, get yourself a nice Irish girl."
Two fags and two lesbians in in a burning hotel. Who gets out first?..........The fags. They already had their shit packed.
What do you call a platoon of blacks in a war?
A pack-a-lips now.
What do you call a one-legged Pollock with hemmoroids?
Poloroid One Step.

[American Xtreme Marine]

Nanook takes his snowblower in for repairs. The mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
Nanook replies, "Nah, that's just snot."

[NashvilleBound]

CA Stu:
I heard this from my uncle who grew up in West Virginia and is now about 70 yrs. old.
Did you hear about KKK Kneivel?
He's gonna jump 50 niggers with a steamroller.
(Name withheld to protect the innocent) ROTFLMAO....
Whats the difference between a Blond and a Washing machine?
The washing machine won't follow you around for a week after you dump a load in it!

[mickeyfinn]

Why did God give women 2% more brains than horses?
He didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

[jlnorthrup122]

It was this little boys birthday and he goes up to his dad and askes if he can have a bicycle for his birthday his dad replies "can your dick reach your asshole?" the says "No" dad says "ask me whan your dick can reach your asshole" so a few months passes by and the boy finally got his dick to reach his asshole so he goes up to his dad and asked him for a bicycle dad askes "can your dick reach your asshole?" the boy repliese "Yes" So the dad says " go **** your self then!" :D

[DickDanger]

Tourist to New Yorker: "Excuse me sir, is this the way to the Empire State building, or should I just go **** myself?" -DD Out

[jlnorthrup122]

It was tuesday and tuesdays are when mark and mary **** after mark gets off work rite so about a 1/2 hour before mark was supposed to get home from work mary puts on a sexy nitie and shes lookin @ herself in the mirror when she decides to put the mirror on the floor and look at her pussy so mark walks in the house and sees mary standing over the mirror and says becareful you don't fall through that hole in the floor under you deer!
http://thefunnybone.com/hapyeye.gif
[ May 18, 2003, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: jlnorthrup122 ]

[voodooCanoe]

What does "**** OFF" mean to a blonde.
...Tie breaker in a beauty contest!

[mickeyfinn]

Okay,
Hope this one doesn't start any shit
Why do all the trees in the USA lean toward Canada???
Because Canada suck!!
Now before my stars start disappearing, I really like our canadian friends here.....These were supposed to be offensive right??

[mickeyfinn]

How many French does it take to defend a country?
No one knows. Its never been tried.

[Boozer]

How do you fix a broken dishwasher?
Beat her ass.
Why'd the blonde fail her driving test?
Every time she came to a stop she jumped in the back seat.
You have asked for offensive but I'm still holding back based on the fact that I can tell some SERIOUSLY offensive jokes but they are racial jokes. If you guys dont mind em let me know.

[Blown 472]

ok, no offense to anyone but..
How does a missisippi mother know her daughter has come into puberty??
Her son's dick tastes like blood. :D

[NashvilleBound]

Come on Boozer lets see what you got...

[Charley]

Ok...it's sick but here goes
How do you re-condition a 50 year old *****?
Shove a 12 lb ham up her twat and pull out the bone jawdrop

[mickeyfinn]

OK BOOZER
I'll lead off:
What do you call 1000 niggers swimming at the beach?
Water pollution
************************************************
What do you get when you breed a mexican with a nigger?
Nothing....some things even a mexican won't do.
************************************************
They get worse but this should start a trend

[Rubths]

Q: Whats the difference between a pussy and a ****?
A: A pussy is warm sweet and inviting the ****s the person that owns it.

[H2O]

What's the worst part about eating a bald box??
Putting the diaper back on.
What's the worst part about eating a vegetable??
Puttin then back in their wheelchair

[mickeyfinn]

bump

[75_Elim]

What does a Mexican and a billards cue ball have in common? The Harder you Hit them, the more english you get out of them

[Liberator TJ1984]

Three Gays ,Mike ,Ed , Bill are sitting in a Bar mouning the loss of their Lovers who had been killed a week before.. Bill says, I know what I'll do ..my lover used to like to ski so next time I go skiing I'm gonna spread his ashes all over the Lake one last time ,I bet he would like that.Next day they meet again,Bill tells them it went great! Mike thinks for awhile then replys;my lover used to like skydiving so thats what I'll do ! spread his ashes all over the sky as I parachute down to earth ,I bet he would like that One Last Time. About a week goes by before they see each other again so they ask ED ,What did you do with your lovers ashes ??? Ed replys ; I mixed them in with a Big Bowl of Wolf brand Chile and Jalapeno~s.....What the hell did you do that for they replied ????
Well you see we never did the things you guys did just sit around the house and F%*k all day..
This way he got to Tear My Ass Up , One Last Time !!!

[mickeyfinn]

75_Elim:
What does a Mexican and a billards cue ball have in common? The Harder you Hit them, the more english you get out of them :D :D I haven't heard that one in a long time......Love it

[CA Stu]

Why don't blacks marry mexicans?
They're afraid their kids will be too lazy to steal.

[mickeyfinn]

What is the difference between a dead black man in the road and a dead possum in the road???
Skid marks in front of the possum.

[PipesClean]

What did one condom say to the other as they walked into the gay bar?
We're gonna get shitfaced tonight :D

[PipesClean]

How do you know you're at a gay barbeque?
The hotdogs taste like shit!

[Ziggy]

This one should be known by our Canadian friends :D
There is a Newfie(sp?)(aka newfoundlander) in the middle of a grass field sitting in a row boat paddling his ****ing ass like a madman.
A neighbor of his driving by sees him, pulls to the side of the road next to the field and gets out of the car, yells over to the guy in the boat: Its ****ing idiots like you that give us all such a bad reputation! Damn it, if I knew how to swim I'd come out there and kick your ****ing ass! :rolleyes:
[ May 20, 2003, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: Ziggy ]

[Hal]

Eye opener (http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/8392.pps)

[Shadow Crazy]

Whats the difference between a woman and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What do girls in Iowa say during sex?
Get off me Pa you're crushin my smokes

[Shadow Crazy]

I forgot one,
Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
Pizza doesn't scream when you shove it into the oven.

[Shadow Crazy]

XLGPP "Q: What's the height of conceit?
>> > > > A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
>> > > >"
A:High fiving yourself in the mirror after sex

[Kim Hanson]

Why do all the trees in the USA lean toward Canada???
Because Canada suck!!
If I were you I would watch what you say, joke or not! That is an insult to me and and you better have game asshole, I never bow down to ****s like you, Americans are cool! Where you from butt-wipe? idea Watch what you say ****-head towards Canada!........( . )( . )..... burningm

[Hal]

http://www.uselessgraphics.com/copy_of_atmovies.gif

[mickeyfinn]

Kim Hanson:
Why do all the trees in the USA lean toward Canada???
Because Canada suck!!
If I were you I would watch what you say, joke or not! That is an insult to me and and you better have game asshole, I never bow down to ****s like you, Americans are cool! Where you from butt-wipe? idea Watch what you say ****-head towards Canada!........( . )( . )..... burningm Well I guess that proves that the joke was on-topic. Someone obviously found it offensive.
[ May 20, 2003, 07:09 PM: Message edited by: mickeyfinn ]

[Hal]

Here you go Mickey. I just wished you would'nt have ruffled Kims feathers. He's a good guy. But you did play by the rules. :D :D :D
http://www.uselessgraphics.com/blribbon.gif
[ May 20, 2003, 07:21 PM: Message edited by: Hal ]

[PipesClean]

Shadow Crazy:
I forgot one,
Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
Pizza doesn't scream when you shove it into the oven. That is fuk!n 'DIRTY'!!!
What a Beaut :D

[mickeyfinn]

I don't mind being quoted, but if you are going to quote me read all my post. I have enjoyed a lot of the shit that Kim has either started or had started about him. Evidently he didn't read the part of the post below the joke.
mickeyfinn:
Now before my stars start disappearing, I really like our canadian friends here.....These were supposed to be offensive right??

[CA Stu]

mickeyfinn:
I don't mind being quoted, but if you are going to quote me read all my post. I have enjoyed a lot of the shit that Kim has either started or had started about him. Evidently he didn't read the part of the post below the joke.
mickeyfinn:
Now before my stars start disappearing, I really like our canadian friends here.....These were supposed to be offensive right?? Don't Kowtow to the backbacon eatin' tuque wearin' Molson sluggin' French speakin' monkeys!
Canada sucks!
I'm gonna go sit on the Canada and take a Quebec, then I'm going to wipe my Prime Minister with a Maple Leaf!
CA Stu
PS Just kidding Kim, your patriotism is admirable and refreshing.
I have cousins in London, I enjoyed visiting.
I shall now go sing "O Canada" in your honor, ya hoser.

[ratso]

The other night my girlfriend called me a pervert, I said that's a mighty big word for a 10 year old.

[Boozer]

How do you get a black man out of your tree?
Cut the Rope.
How do you save a black man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How do you starve a black man?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.
What do you call a black man in a suit?
The Deffendant.
When white peeps go to heaven and get wings they become angels. What do black people become?
Bats.
Why don't black people take asprin?
They're white
They work
And they have to much pride to pick the cotton from the bottle.
Whats the difference between a truck load of watermelons and a truck load of black babies?
You cant use a pitchfork on the watermelons.
And last but not least....
What's the difference between black pussy?
You can eat a bowling ball!
I know a ton more but i'd go on for days telling them all.

[carreraelite]

How do you get 1000 babies in a VW???
Use a blender!!
How do you get them out??
Use a straw!!

[carreraelite]

Why is Italy shaped like a boot??
They couldn't fit all of that shit into a tennis shoe!!

[carreraelite]

How do you break a Polocs finger??
Punch him in the nose!!
How do you drown a Polock??
Slam the toilet lid on him while he's getting a drink!!

[carreraelite]

What's the difference between a Porsche and a porkie pine(s/p)??
The Porkie pine,the pricks are on the outside!!

[Rod-64]

A drunk sticks his head in a cab and asks the driver if he has room for 2 six-pacs and a large pizza. ....The cab driver says "sure" and the drunk goes....BBBBLLAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH...pukes all over the seats. :D

[Rod-64]

A nun gets into a cab and the driver says "Ya know sister, since I'm catholic, I always wish I could have made it with a nun." So the nun says "pull over" and gave the driver the best blowjob he's ever had. Afterwards the driver says "I have a confession; I'm not really catholic." and the nun replies "Well that's ok...My name is Ralph and I'm on my way to a costume party." :)

[Kim Hanson]

mickeyfinn:
I don't mind being quoted, but if you are going to quote me read all my post. I have enjoyed a lot of the shit that Kim has either started or had started about him. Evidently he didn't read the part of the post below the joke.
mickeyfinn:
Now before my stars start disappearing, I really like our canadian friends here.....These were supposed to be offensive right?? Sorry about that mickey, no hard feeling guy! I seem to be going off the handle alittle to much lately, good thing, boating season is just around the corner......( o Y o ).........Sorry! wink
[ May 21, 2003, 08:28 PM: Message edited by: Kim Hanson ]

[Hal]

LMAO... Probably a good thing for Boozer that O.J. isn't a member. :D :D :D

[mickeyfinn]

no problem....There are several people I enjoy jumping on for no reason here such as Catmando. I won't leave any doubt if I am doing anything but joking....LOL....Cut a hole in the ice and get the boat wet before you have a breakdown though.

[mickeyfinn]

Here are some old ones that people will find offensive...of course some of the youngsters here may not even have heard of her..
Why does Helen Keller play the piano with one hand?
She has to sing with the other one.
************************************************
What happened when Hellen Keller fell in the well?
She screamed her arm off.
***********************************************
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
She answer the iron.
********************************************
How did she burn the other side of her face?
They called back.
*******************************************
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They left the plunger in
********************************************
How did she burn her fingers?
Reading the waffle iron
*********************************************
Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?
Her dog was blind too.
*********************************************
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
she needs the other to moan with.

[El Chupacabra]

A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the desert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey.
The priest asks the nun "I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at this point it probably wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?" The nun agrees and shows him her breasts.
"May I touch them?" The nun allows him to. The priest comments sincerely how wonderful they are. The nun then asks "Father, I have never seen a man's penis before, could you show me yours? The priest drops his drawers.
"May I touch it?" After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a huge erection. The priest says, "you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can give life!" "Is that right" the nun replies? "Yes."
"Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and lets get the hell out of here!"

[American Xtreme Marine]

What's the difference between a pizza and a black man?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
A kid in college is talking on the phone with his brother. The brother asks, "What's new?"
Kid says, "Well last nite I ****ed my room mate in the ass." The brother says, "No shit?!" The kid replies, "A little."

[Boozer]

I guess I scrwed this one up.
What's the difference between black pussy?
You can eat a bowling ball!
Supposed to be Whats the diff between black pussy and a bowling ball?
You can eat a bowling ball.

[dr. margarita]

Here's one:
Question: What's the difference between a mosquito and a Polish chick?
Answer: The mosquito stops sucking after you bash its head in jawdrop

[jus a baker]

What's the differance between spit and swallow????
AWNSER: 40 lbs of pressure on the back of her head!!!!! jawdrop

[Jbb]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND ALMOST EVERYONE PARTS 1 THRU 3
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO*!
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one' s tall enough to go on the good rides

[jlnorthrup122]

Originally posted by Shadow crazy
What do girls in Iowa say during sex?
Get off me Pa you're crushin my smokes
Don't get me wrong here but you got these Iowans all wrong the only hillbillies around here are from elswhere and all the gangsters here are pussies and yes there are few more ugly bitches than in Cali. And yes after living here for a few years now I do agree with I.O.W.A. stands for idiots out runnin around or I oughta went around it. dude Iowa is a great place to raise your kids if you stay the hell away from the small towns. and the land is neat around here. Winters suck though. food for thought.

[jlnorthrup122]

These 2 dudes where sittin on a parkbench around christmas time. The first guy askes the other "what did you get your oldlady for Xmas" the second guy replies "I got her a Diamond ring and a BMW" the first guy replies "thats an intersting combination why did you get her that?" the second replies "So if she don't like the ring she can drive it back to the store in style" then the second guy askes the first guy "what did you get your oldlady for Xmas?" the first guy replies "A pair of slippers and a dildoe." So the second guy replies "thats an intersting combination why did you get her that?" The first guy replies "If she don't like the slippers she can go **** herself!" :D

[HARDIN18]

A boy goes to his dad and ask's him what the difference between theory and reality is. The dad tells the boy to go ask his mother if she would screw the next door nieghbor for a million bucks. The boy comes back and says his mom said she would screw the whole block for a million dollars. The father then tells the boy to go ask his sister if she would screw the basketball team for a million dollars. The boy comes back and says his sister would screw the basketball team, the baseball team, and the football team for a million dollars. The father looks at his son and says. "You see son, in theory we live with a couple of millionairs when in reality we live with a couple of sluts."

[HCS]

Gay Bob
Gay bob goes to the doctor office and has some test run.
The doctor comes back and says
" Bob, I'm not going to beat around the bush, you have AIDS".
Bob is devastated.
"Doc, what can I do?"
"Eat one link of sausage, one head of cabbage,
twenty unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce,
ten habanero peppers, forty walnuts,
forty peanuts, one huge box of grapenuts cereal,
and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Bob asks, " Will that cure me? "
Doc says, " No, but it should leave you with a better
understanding of what your ass is really for."

[HCS]

An American, a Mexican and a Pakistani are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says " In Mexico our glasses are so cheep that we don't need to drink from the same one twice "
The Pakistani [ obviously impressed by this ]
drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air,
pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says " In Pakistan, we have so much sand to make the glasses thet we don't need to drink out
of the same glass twice either"
The American, cool as shit, picks up his beer and drinks it.
Throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun
and shoots the Mexican and the Pakistani.
He says " In America we have so many Mexicans and
Pakistanis that we don't need to drink with the
same one twice.
[ May 31, 2003, 01:02 PM: Message edited by: HARDCORE-SKI ]

[FMluvswater]

A Cowboy meets an Indian herding sheep in the Black Hills.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Indian: (Look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (pointing at the Indian)
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: (Look of total disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing to the Indian)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the elements."
Indian: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep lie."

[OGShocker]

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
Because they are twenty of them.:mad: