Joke of the day

[mickeyfinn]

A man and woman who were married decided the woman should have a job and contribute to the household income. They both thought about it and the only thing she was good at was sex, so they decided she would sell her body. As they stood on a street corner the first night a car pulls up and she asks her husband. "what should I do?" He said "just get int the car" Once in the car the potential john asked "how much" Well the girl hadn't thought about that so she replied "Wait on sec" she gets out and tells her husband "he wants to know how much" Her husband thinks for a minute and said "just tell him a hundred dollars" So she gets back into the car and tells the guy "It'll be one hundred dollars" He looks at her and says "I only have thirty five dollars" She thinks for a minute and said "just a sec" She gets back out of the car and tells her husband "He only has thirty five dollars" Her husband thinks for a minute and said "Well tell him that for thirty five all you can give him is a blow job" So once again she gets in the car and says "For thirty five dollars I can only give you a blow job" The guys said "Well I was kinda hoping for the whole thing but I guess that will be ok" So he pulls out his c@ck and it is a monster. About 3 inches thick and 11 inches long. The woman looks at it for a minute and once again she says "just a sec" She then gets out of the car and goes to her husband and says " Honey, Can you loan this guy sixty five dollars?" :D :D

[JetBoatRich]

Please excuse the rough language in the following story
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back,the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "So how was the honeymoon?" Oh, mama," she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic..."Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home..., PLEASE MAMA!" "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!" "Darling, baby,
you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words>Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust wash, iron, cook.."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother

[JetBoatRich]

Old joke, but still funny.
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

[JetBoatRich]

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
-Your Husband
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54, more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore don't wait up.
-Your Wife

[JetBoatRich]

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that
he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampon s for your wife? He answers, "
You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So..... I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

LMFAO!! too funny.