How about some hummor?

[theskiffs]

www.joecartoon.com (http://www.joecartoon.com)

[rivernutts]

What did the third one eat last night (fart)

[FMluvswater]

That is a great site! Gonna bookmark it! I love the TwistedTeletubbies stuff!
http://www.joecartoon.com/media/images/comics/comictubby/comictubby5.gif
LMAO! :D

[JetBoatRich]

For all of you out there who’ve had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It’s a classic! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.
A single agent was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, “May I have your attention please,” she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity please come to Gate 14.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, “F*** you!”. Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”

[twistedpair]

A cowboy at a bar in Gallup, NM orders three mugs of Bud and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "I have two brothers. One is in Flagstaff, the other in Farmington. I'm in Gallup. When we left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender tells him it is a nice custom. The cowboy becomes a regular, and always orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day he comes in and orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "We don't want to intrude on your grief, but we wanted to offer our condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though."

[sandblasted]

The 3 kick rule.
A young big city lawyer from Dallas is duck hunting in east Texas one day when he shoots a duck and it falls behind a fence posted "No Trespassing". The lawyer climbs over the fence and is about to pick up the duck when a beat up truck pulls up and an old farmer gets out.
The farmer says " what are you doing with my duck mister?".
"what do you mean your duck you old coot? says the lawyer. " I shot it so it's my duck!"
The farmer replies, "well, you may have shot it but it's on my property so therefore it's my duck!"
The lawyer responds, "listen you old asshole, I shot the duck, and I'm taking the duck and on top of that I'm a lawyer and can take you whole damn farm if I want to".
The farmer looks hard at the lawyer then says, "you know out here in east Texas we don't need no friggin lawyers to settle our disputes, we settle them the old fashioned way!"
"Oh yeah", says the lawyer, "whats the old fashion way?"
"the three kick rule" says the farmer, "one man kicks the other 3 times, then the other man gets 3 kicks, we keep going until one gives up".
The lawyer sizes up the old man and figures he will win this easily and says, "ok, let's settle this your way, you go first!"
so the old farmer plants his boot right in the lawyer's groin, doubling him over, then sends a strait kick to his jaw, laying him face down in the mud. As the lawyer starts to get up the farmer gives him the 3rd kick in the stomach causing the lawyer to lose his breakfast.
Slowly the lawyer shakes off the cobwebs and rises to his feet. he looks at the old farmer and says "now it's my turn you old coot!". To which the farmer replies,
"Naw, I give up, you can have the damn duck!"

[twistedpair]

WHO SAYS REDNECKS AREN'T REAL BRIGHT??
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left..
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy birthday buddy"