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View Full Version : How about some men/women jokes?



mickeyfinn
04-30-2003, 04:06 PM
This may start a lot of s#*( but should be fun. Lets hear your favorite men/women jokes.
I think I'm in trouble all ready.
Why do all brides wear white?
All kitchen appliances come in white
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Why are there so many homes for battered women?
Because they just don't ****ing listen!!
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A little off topic but........
What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?
You know she'll swallow!
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John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."
John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"
Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."
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A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old
lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie
said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This
is the 4th time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these
wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man
sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to
go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you
build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The
genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. think of the logistics of
that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!! No, think of another
wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My
wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I
wish that I could understand women . . . know how they feel inside and
what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment . .
.know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say,
'nothing' . . . know how to make them truly happy . . ." The genie
said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?
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how do you make a dishwasher a snowblower?
Give your wife a shovel

mickeyfinn
05-02-2003, 02:40 PM
Oh well...this one didn't go over so well. Will have to find a different joke topic to get started.

ratso
05-02-2003, 03:24 PM
What do you tell a chick with 2 black eyes?
Nothing...you already told her twice.

FMluvswater
05-02-2003, 03:33 PM
WHO WEARS THE PANTS?
A young couple were in their honeymoon suite
on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size
of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's right and don't forget it," said the husband.
"I'm the man in this family."
With that, she flipped him her panties and said,
"Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants."
She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's
going to be until your damn attitude changes!"
:D :D :D
(He actually tried on women's panties? WTF?) wink

mickeyfinn
05-03-2003, 03:05 AM
Why do brides wear white?
All Kitchen appliances come in white.

Phat_Kat
05-03-2003, 07:44 AM
A little more off topic but it's still pretty funny!
A man and a woman are driving the high way in their car.
The woman was very angry with the man because he was "staring right at the waitresses cleavage."
After a long silence the man say "it was just a glimpse"
In her anger the woman reaches in the glove compartment and gets out a pair or scissors. She then cuts the mans penus off and throws it out the window of the car.
A few cars back a father and his 5 year old daughter are driving down the highway.
The penus hits the window of the father and daughters car, sticks for a few seconds and then flys off.
The surprised daughter asked her father "what was that Daddy?"
The father, who did not want to go over the birds and the bees with his daughter, simply said, "it was just a bug honey just a bug."
The girl sat confused for a few seconds and then said to the father "THAT BUG SURE HAD A BIG DICK!"

mickeyfinn
05-03-2003, 02:53 PM
ok...another list
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with *A man once told me...*
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure
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A wife woke of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant?" "And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
You'd think if we posted enough of these the women would start postin to retaliate.

JESSE
05-04-2003, 10:27 PM
one day god was talking to adam. adam told god he was very lonely god told him if he would give up his right arm left leg and right nut.he would make him the perficted mate. adam said god what can i get for a rib!