Poll: What do you do when you have to shit on the water....

[sorry dog]

So your out with you buds in floating along in a cool (but isolated) place but then you remember you shouldn't have mixed that fish taco with the bran muffin. What do you do?
[ May 26, 2003, 07:48 AM: Message edited by: sorry dog ]

[Havasu Hangin']

You guys have indoor plumbing?

[sorry dog]

Sorry - I wasn't going to make the poll that easy. It happens to everyone sooner or later when the tugboat is MIA like right now.

[HammerDown]

Thats why I always carry "Wet Naps"...just run behind a bush,rock,tree,...ya havent lived till ya wiped up with a nice damp Wet Nap! :D

[Havasu Hangin']

Yes...that is a shitty situation, isn't it?

[Chase]

Oh yeah, always carry some wipes, since nothing is worse than having to go and not being able to.

[rvrkaosI]

My buddy jumped off the boat, swam to shore, disappeared behind a brush, wiped his ass with a leaf, and jumped back in....
For me one time I couldn't hold it, and sprayed the back of the jet ski, well I thought it was going to sink, and instead it floated back up! UGGGG!!!! From now on, drop a floating biscut at the hotel room before going out, rule of thumb! When in doubt, eat some peaches after a buffet!

[Forkin' Crazy]

Well, you have to be an opportunist and do it where you can. You can really harm yourself if you hold it in too long. I picked the shore if possible, but I'll pass on the cactus! When you are 40 miles out, you don't have much choice. You definitely don't want to swim with the brown trout. Everything offshore has TEETH. Everyone gets down wind and you hang over the side or go in a 5 gallon bucket. We call it chumming. Sorry if that was too graffic...LOL! wink

[Jbb]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/sucks1.jpg

[MJ19]

If you are too far away to make it back, then for God's sake take it to shore... :cool:
...brown trouts are just plain SICK & WRONG!!! yuk

[MJ19]

Forkin' Crazy:
When you are 40 miles out...You should have a port-a-crapper on board idea

[Jungle Boy]

I once was traveling back from work and needed to take a shit REAL bad. I was in the Athens Airport in Greece and was looking for a clean crapper to do my work on. I kicked open about 10 doors before I found a fairly clean one. I sat down and let er rip and reached over to grab some paper to find nothing. They then called my flight and in a panic I took off a sock and wiped my ass with it. I ran to the plane and got on just in time. The one stewdress that was flying that day asks me "Dave, were you drinking last night? You only have one sock on!" I told her the whole story and she nearly shit her dress laughing. I little off topic, but it's a shitty story that I don't get many opportunities to share.
[ May 26, 2003, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: Jungle Boy ]

[bulldogdad]

ya gotta go,you gotta go!! but like forkin says,if your offshore don't go in the water to go or you might lose a little more!

[jlnorthrup122]

I remember me and my little brother were runin my boat down the river just south of town and the sudden shit sindrome hit so I pulled up to a sand bar on an island and found a log jamb to hide in and did my buisness I had no paper to wipe with and I sure as hell ain't wipen with no leaf so I took my ****in shirt of and presto I got shit wipe and we enjoyed a good rest of the afternoon. Never leave a buisket in the river it could get your ass kicked. I love hitten the the river south of town here cause everybody else is in the river north of town so its nice and relaxing no conjestion just gota know the river cause ain't nothin marked.
Does anyone remember That song by green jelly sucks? Yooooooou Gota Yoooooooooou Gota Yoooooooooou Gota Gota Gota Gota Gota Gota Shitman! this is #100 triple digits today baby. :D

[Forkin' Crazy]

MJ19:
Forkin' Crazy:
When you are 40 miles out...You should have a port-a-crapper on board idea We did. It is called a 5 gallon bucket! :cool:
It was only a 23' bay boat. Not much on room and the bucket fit neatly under the deck in a compartment. Probably should of had a bigger boat, but the fish were biting! wink

[Ziggy]

WetWipes are life savers.......Wish I invented them :D

[Tom Brown]

I see 5 women have voted so far.
I love this place. :)

[Jrocket]

Oh come on!!! I cant be the only person in here that shits his pants. :rolleyes: You guys better fess up.... :D

[leibniz]

Forkin' Crazy:
MJ19:
Forkin' Crazy:
When you are 40 miles out...You should have a port-a-crapper on board idea We did. It is called a 5 gallon bucket! :cool:
It was only a 23' bay boat. Not much on room and the bucket fit neatly under the deck in a compartment. Probably should of had a bigger boat, but the fish were biting! wink And with all the fresh bait, I bet you had fish comming out your ass, so to speak.
:D :D
[ May 27, 2003, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: leibniz ]

[leibniz]

This is a good thread for Dumpster.
Dumpster, where the hell are you??

[Tom Brown]

Jrocket:
I cant be the only person in here that shits his pants. :rolleyes: I've been known to shit my pants if that's what it takes to win an argument.

[Hustler]

Jrocket:
Oh come on!!! I cant be the only person in here that shits his pants. :rolleyes: You guys better fess up.... :D Sounds like a 909 thing eek! :D

[Reaper1]

I've broke bread in the middle of the sandbar on a holiday weekend. Ain't no shame in my game. eek!

[Jrocket]

Hustler:
Jrocket:
Oh come on!!! I cant be the only person in here that shits his pants. :rolleyes: You guys better fess up.... :D Sounds like a 909 thing eek! :D Might be...but when I gotts to go I gotts to go now!!! :D

[NastyOne]

Jrocket:
Oh come on!!! I cant be the only person in here that shits his pants. :rolleyes: You guys better fess up.... :D SWEET!!!! I voted for shit my pants too.
I just like to keep it real. LOL

[MJ19]

If we are going to share shitty tails...please let me in on it :D
Once apon a time...long long ago...I was camping and dug a hole to go 'potty' in...well after making a nice little woodie outdoors toliet (to logs to sit on and a nice deep hole under them) I did my thing (first and last time in the woods, have a camper now)
Anyhow, about 20 minutes later we are all sitting around the camp fire drinking some beer when Cody (our friend's chocolate lab) started licking one guys face and he said his breath smelt like shit...well my cool little hole was dug up and nothing was in it...Cody ate a shit sandwich for dinner...pretty gross huh...well that's my shitty story for today :D

[unleashed]

Damn MJ, thats a shitty story.
Every morning at the river I drink 3 expresso shots just to make sure Im cleaned out for my day on the water. It works every time.
Deano
Unleashedclothing (http://www.unleashedclothing.com) devil

[Tom Brown]

Great stories, Dave. :D
Last summer, some kids were playing street hockey (yes, we do that year round here). One of the kids came to my door and asked to use my bathroom. He was obviously doing a snake charming dance. I said sure and pointed to the bathroom. He darted in there at light speed.
He said thanks as he literally ran out of my house. I was laughing about it until I walked down the hall and past the bathroom. That chubby 10 year old left one of the nastiest odors I've ever smelled. Seriously, it was all I could do to reach in and turn the fan on.
Little ****er. LOL.

[HammerDown]

RD, good read...great use of words> "With that I unpuckered"... very entertaining. :D
[ May 27, 2003, 06:34 PM: Message edited by: HammerDown ]

[40oz'nHO's]

The best thing about crappin in the water is the reaction you get from people when it floats to shore.

[MJ19]

40oz'nHO's:
The best thing about crappin in the water is the reaction you get from people when it floats to shore. Remind me to stay far far far away from you :D

[HCS]

Look! You take your shorts off, go for a swim,
hook up the ski rope, go for a ride and clean your ass out. :D

[MJ19]

HARDCORE-SKI:
Look! You take your shorts off, go for a swim,
hook up the ski rope, go for a ride and clean your ass out. :D Or you can be like Miller and stand on it when your wife is trying to stand up on an innertube...h-e-l-l-o clean as a wistle :D

[moneypit]

The first thing that went onboard of my new boat this year besides the key was BUTTWIPE.
A couple of years ago, my friend and I were surfing "C" street Ventura County. The Break was the best we had seen in years. You know, smooth 2 foot over head right breakers. The beach temp was about 75. It was perfect. All of a sudden, my friend said he had to take a shit. To far to paddle in, and no way was he going to miss any waves, so he decides to un-zip his wetsuit and manages to peel off about a 12 inch stout "Ventura Cosby". That F'n thing started to follow us. I couldnt imagine what the after flow of that cable was like, so I figured "f" this, Im OUT of the water. I rode the next wave in and I was done.
DS :D

[HCS]

MJ19:
HARDCORE-SKI:
Look! You take your shorts off, go for a swim,
hook up the ski rope, go for a ride and clean your ass out. :D Or you can be like Miller and stand on it when your wife is trying to stand up on an innertube...h-e-l-l-o clean as a wistle :D See, it works. :D

[sorry dog]

Looks like the leaf and needle wipers won but the trout fishermen made a strong push at the end. Those that will need a colonostomy in the future are a distant 3rd.
Them are some good shit stories and you just knew that lil mister would have one or two. As for me, I usually take a few precautionary shots of Pepto in the morning of high risk days. But if push comes to shove then I'm lucky that I usually do the non-floater variety. Mexican food is not naturally buoyant.
[ May 28, 2003, 10:07 AM: Message edited by: sorry dog ]