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spectratoad
09-12-2003, 09:56 AM
Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn 'em & remember 'em.
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. (I would like to add that a ball cap only goes on one way, turn it around the right way unless you are a baseball catcher or in a bass boat going down the lake. When the boat stops put your hat on right!!! )
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace Picante Sauce.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a heap more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!
I don't know about 17 though?? :D

Liberator TJ1984
09-12-2003, 12:08 PM
A fellow Nevada Boater who wishes he was in Texas wink :confused: :D

johnboy
09-12-2003, 11:19 PM
spectratoad:
Rules to Enter Texas:
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
No shit be there in a few hours, if it is Saturday between Sept 1st and Oct 30, well that is just life... I am 30 and married, Sunday I am going to mom's to get her to fry up a couple o'dozen dove for pops and I...Kinda like golf(aka pasture pool) but a $2,000 shotgun feels a hell of a lot better than something called a Big Bertha
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
And your point is? But we call em Crawfish..Had some for lunch today!
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."
Um yep, and we can leave the Union anytime we want...NO THAT DOES NOT MEAN BECOME PART OF MEXICO! We can fly a Texas flag higher than the US flag legally...We don't out of respect...and I salute the statue of Sam every time I drive down 59!
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!
DAMN SNAPPY
I don't know about 17 though??
I will take a pic of the statue next time I am out that way and you will understand!
:D

TexasJet
09-13-2003, 10:06 AM
I agree 100% with every damn one of them!

rrrr
09-13-2003, 11:24 AM
johnboy:
...and I salute the statue of Sam every time I drive down 59!
Uh, it's on Interstate 45 just south of Huntsville. :D
For those of you wondering, the statue is 70 feet tall, the largest statue of an political figure in the U. S.
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/images/tx/TXHUNsamhouston03.jpg
[ September 13, 2003, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: rrrr ]

H2OT PURSUIT
09-13-2003, 09:46 PM
One more thing. We think highly of our dogs here,
so please take notice of the following.
NOTICE TO VISITORS
1. The dog lives here...you don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (in my case, if you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay out of my car)
3. Yes, she has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's your point?
4. OF COURSE she smells like a dog. She is a dog.
5. It's her nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff hers.
6. I like her a lot better than I like most people. (this may actually be true)
7. To you she's a dog. To me she's an adopted daughter, who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, doesn't speak clearly. I have no problem with any of these things.
8. Dogs are better than kids: they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell their offspring.
9. If they get on your nerves, unlike children, you can chain them to a tree in the back yard and no one calls the cops. :D

johnboy
09-13-2003, 10:13 PM
rrrr:
johnboy:
...and I salute the statue of Sam every time I drive down 59!
Uh, it's on Interstate 45 just south of Huntsville. :D
For those of you wondering, the statue is 70 feet tall, the largest statue of an political figure in the U. S.
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/images/tx/TXHUNsamhouston03.jpg You are damn right and I was damned drunk last night. Thinking 59 cause I used to take it down to south east TX to see all my family...Moved to the west side of the metro mess and now I take 45....No wonder I felt like shit all morning.
and yes my phone rang while hunting today, (usually leave it in the truck) but my wife was not feeling well today)I proceeded to drop it as I pulled it out to look a the caller ID Birds were flying over.
Again pardon my drunk ass mis-calculation of TX roads of which I have seen 300 miles of today!
John(bad Texan)boy