Jbb
10-27-2002, 02:57 AM
Subject: FINALLY ! ! ! Nutritional facts I can live with!!!!!!!
>
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
> true?
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it .... don't
> waste them on exercise.
> Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make
> you live longer; that's like
> saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want
> to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
> and corn. And what are
> these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
> mechanism of delivering
> vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a
> good source of field grass
> (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
> recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable slop.
>
> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
>
> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As
> we all know, scientists
> divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral,
> and vegetable. We all know
> that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic
> table of elements, so that only
> leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy
> your liquid vegetables.
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
> one. If you have two
> bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
> exercise program?
>
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ...
> Good.
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
> In fact, they're permeated
> in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
>
> Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
> A: Thicker gravy.
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
> should only be doing sit-ups
> if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!
> "It's the best feel-good food
> around!"
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
> about food and diets.
>
> Have a cookie... flour is a veggie! One more thing:
>
> ... "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt."
>
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
> true?
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it .... don't
> waste them on exercise.
> Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make
> you live longer; that's like
> saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want
> to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
> and corn. And what are
> these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
> mechanism of delivering
> vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a
> good source of field grass
> (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
> recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable slop.
>
> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
>
> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As
> we all know, scientists
> divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral,
> and vegetable. We all know
> that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic
> table of elements, so that only
> leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy
> your liquid vegetables.
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
> one. If you have two
> bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
> exercise program?
>
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ...
> Good.
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
> In fact, they're permeated
> in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
>
> Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
> A: Thicker gravy.
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
> should only be doing sit-ups
> if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!
> "It's the best feel-good food
> around!"
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
> about food and diets.
>
> Have a cookie... flour is a veggie! One more thing:
>
> ... "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt."