PDA

View Full Version : Teenaged Daughters?



FMluvswater
10-20-2003, 06:10 PM
:eek: I used to be one of these :o . It made me laugh ... had to share. :)
****
Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teenagers.
Teenager Owner's Manual
Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenaged daughter. Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the maintenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full refund).
IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR: To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenaged girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she:
(a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing?
(b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)?
(c) sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?
If any of these are true, you have received the correct item. Nice try, though.
BREAK-IN PERIOD: When you first receive your teenaged daughter, you will initially experience a high level of discomfort. Gradually, this discomfort will subside, and you will merely feel traumatized. This is the 'Break-In Period', during which you are becoming accustomed to certain behaviors that will cause you concern, anxiety, and stress. Once you have adapted to these behaviors, your teenager will start acting even worse.
ACTIVATION: To activate your teenaged daughter, simply place her in the vicinity of a telephone or Instant Messenger. No further programming is required.
SHUTDOWN: Several hours after activation, you may desire to shut down your teenaged daughter. There is no way to do this.
CLEANING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Having a teenaged daughter means learning the difference between the words 'clean' and 'neat'. Teenaged daughters are very clean, because they take frequent showers that last more than an hour. They will scrub themselves with expensive, fragrant soaps which you must purchase for them because "like I'm sure I'm going to use like the same kind of soap my mom and dad use". When they have completely drained the hot-water tank, they will step out and wrap themselves in every towel in the bathroom, which they will subsequently strew throughout the house. If you ask them to pick up the towels, you are confusing 'clean' with 'neat'. Teenagers are very busy and do not have time to be neat. They expect others to pick up after them. These others are called 'parents'.
FEEDING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Your teenaged daughter requires regular meals, which must be purchased for her at restaurants because she detests everything you eat because "it is like so disgusting". She does not want you to accompany her to these restaurants, because some people might see you and "like I'm sure I want my friends to see me eating dinner with my parents". Either order take-out food or just give her the money, preferably both. If you order pizza, never answer the doorbell because the delivery boy might see you and "ohmigod he is so hot". Yes, your daughter's idea of an attractive man is the pizza boy.
CLOTHING YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Retailers make millions of dollars a year selling stylish and frankly sensible clothing which will look adorable on your daughter. If you enjoy shopping, you will love the vast selections which are available to you. Unfortunately, your teenaged daughter wants to dress like a lap dancer. You may be able to coerce her into putting on a cute outfit before leaving the house, but by the time she walks in the schoolhouse door, she will be wearing something entirely different.
OTHER MAINTENANCE: Teenaged daughters require one of two levels of maintenance: 'High' and 'Ultra High'. Your daughter is 'Ultra High'. This means that whatever you do won't be enough and whatever you try won't work.
WARRANTY: This product is not without defect because she has your genes, for heaven's sake. If you think this is not fair, talk to your parents, who think it is hilarious. Your teenaged daughter will remain a teenager for as long as it takes for her to become a woman, which in her opinion has already happened and as far as you are concerned never really will. If you are dissatisfied with your teenaged daughter, well, what did you expect? In any event, your warranty does not give you your little girl back under any circumstances, except that deep down she's actually still there - you just have to look for her.

Jungle Boy
10-20-2003, 06:23 PM
Ain't that the god awful truth. Mine is 17 years old and freaking me out. She knows everything but where to plug the ****ing vacuum into the wall. The folks say to relax and I was way worse than that, but I say it's "different". They say "how so". I hope she returns to "normal" some day.:eek: :rolleyes:

Casanova
10-20-2003, 06:35 PM
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/939P5250029-med.JPG
Excellent post.
Here's mine a few weeks back while waiting out a windstorm at Parker prep'd and ready to go wakeboarding.
My mom taught her to knit before mom passed away.
Talking to her is like when you grab the dooknob and it comes off in your hand, the door is closed, and their's no getting through.
Great Child although the house is in PMS Crisis mode because she got ONLY a B+ on her Physic exam.
The Horror!!!

HCS
10-20-2003, 06:39 PM
Originally posted by Casanova
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/939P5250029-med.JPG
Excellent post.
Here's mine a few weeks back waiting out a windstorm at Parker prep's and ready to go wakeboarding.
My mom taught her to knit before mom passed away.
Talking to her is like when you grab the dooknob and it comes of in you hand,, I ain't getting through,, and I'm in the way.
Great Child although the house is in PMS Crisis mode because she got ONLY a B+ on her Physis exam.
The Horror!!! That's your 1st post.:confused:
Great pic.
My daughter is on her own at 21. Can't believe it, pays her own bills and everything.
Sometimes I wander how.:confused: :eek!:

NorCal Gameshow
10-20-2003, 06:41 PM
TPC, is that you ?:D

Casanova
10-20-2003, 06:58 PM
Originally posted by NorCal Gameshow
TPC, is that you ?:D
Yea,, the "Trailer Park" was too many digits and wouldn't fit in the new format.
- Ross

***boat
10-20-2003, 07:09 PM
I will update the max username size.

JetBoatRich
10-20-2003, 07:17 PM
My Teenage Daughter goes through up and downs of doing What Is Expected but we still love here

TCHB
10-20-2003, 07:42 PM
I have two daughters and they are so different. I was a softball coach and watched the changes on all the girls. They all were as you described. Good Luck to all of you it does get better with age.

Dr. Eagle
10-20-2003, 07:48 PM
I'm so darn glad I had TWO BOYS!!!

Casanova
10-20-2003, 08:18 PM
Originally posted by JetBoatRich
My Teenage Daughter goes through up and downs of doing What Is Expected but we still love here
The mood swings of daughters is the big difference over sons. I think they start about age 9,, then get more intense through the teens.
I see no light at the end of the tunnel that they'll be mellowing soon,,,
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/520/939P8260042-med.JPG
Sis "glove'n" up for another wakeboard run.
The new wakeboard rope handles are so advanced,, no (expensive and a hassle) gloves needed.

LASERRAY
10-20-2003, 11:03 PM
I wish that I could tell you that I "feel your pain" but my daughter is only 4 years old ( along with her twin brother). PHEEEWWW! I'm sure that 16 will be here all to soon. Good luck my friend.

drbones
10-21-2003, 07:30 AM
So it does get better????
My daughter is 15 going on 27......
and it is a perfect discription .....man this is scary....
I just wanna chain her in her room...
The bad part is I remember what teenage boys are like....when it comes to girls...
our 3 boy have been way easier on me then our girl...
I didnt have grey hair till she turned 13...by the time she turns into a woman..I will be all grey....

Her454
10-21-2003, 07:43 AM
I think this thread just helped me regain some of my sanity...
and its nice to know Im not alone. Pray for me.....she's 16 going on 21 with a bigger attitude than I ever thought of having........
:rolleyes:

Jungle Boy
10-21-2003, 07:53 AM
I believe that better times will come for all of us with teenage girls. I remember my Dad fighting with my sister and it blows me away when I say some of the same stuff now to my daughter. Why can't they understand that the boys only are looking for one thing and it isn't riveting conversation.
Here's my kid trying not to look too excited in a photo with her old man and her new car.
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/259F10100231-med.jpg

Blown 472
10-21-2003, 07:56 AM
Originally posted by Jungle Boy
I believe that better times will come for all of us with teenage girls. I remember my Dad fighting with my sister and it blows me away when I say some of the same stuff now to my daughter. Why can't they understand that the boys only are looking for one thing and it isn't riveting conversation.
Is it a walk on the beach at sunset wif a puppy??:rolleyes:

Lady Rat Attack 1
10-21-2003, 08:51 AM
:) All I can say is THANK GOD i have two boys. I was once a teenager myself (really) and I think i would have to kill her if I had a daughter after the things I did. HER454 I think about you and yours daily....... She's like mine also ;)

Jungle Boy
10-21-2003, 09:12 AM
Blown 472 -
You should be ashamed of your self. Your avitar is somebodys daughter!!! I'd like to meet her mom.
I have alway wondered why it is when they go to walk the dog, they never take the dog. I figure they just forgot. :mad: :eek!:

Her454
10-21-2003, 09:19 AM
Originally posted by Lady Rat Attack 1
:) All I can say is THANK GOD i have two boys. I was once a teenager myself (really) and I think i would have to kill her if I had a daughter after the things I did. HER454 I think about you and yours daily....... She's like mine also ;)
Thanks Lady Rat, as much as we butt heads I hope she comes home soon, I miss her terribly.:( :( :( And she loves you toooo.;)

drbones
10-21-2003, 09:26 AM
Why can't they understand that the boys only are looking for one thing and it isn't riveting conversation.
exactly...that is the scary part

Rocket2003
10-21-2003, 10:04 AM
I've got three (3) Daughters! 17,15,12!!!!!!!!!:eek: :eek: :eek:
I guess they are the same in all parts of the country!
I've heard that after 21 they will be back to Earth!
Don't know if I can last that long!:rolleyes:

summerlove
10-21-2003, 11:13 AM
OH MY GOD! That was way scary...You guys and gals that have been through it, have boys, or are in the midst, you have nothing, nada, zilch on me!
I HAVE 12 YEAR OLD TWIN GIRLS!
I'm on the precipice looking over the cliff with nary an option or an inclination as to what to do...:confused:
Someone, please save me.....
Actually, they're great girls, but I do know what's coming!:eek!:

Ziggy
10-21-2003, 12:28 PM
Originally posted by Casanova
The mood swings of daughters is the big difference over sons. I think they start about age 9,, then get more intense through the teens.
I see no light at the end of the tunnel that they'll be mellowing soon,,,
Oh great, this is what is beginning to happen with my 10 yr old, I thought it was a bit early to be so moody but I guess not. :rolleyes: My nearly 21 yr old son in retrospect was easy as pie to handle. Daughter is wonderful but way smart enough to make me worry:eek!:
Loosing hair as it is, don't need to rush it by pulling on it too.

Casanova
10-21-2003, 07:03 PM
Originally posted by Ziggy
Loosing hair as it is, don't need to rush it by pulling on it too.
Rogaine and Propecia Zig,,
I'm not ashamed of it,, they really work for me.
The third cure will be time and her age.

SandbarScot
10-21-2003, 08:55 PM
<=====Has 4 teenage daughters! Owners manual is true.

MANIC MECHANIC
10-22-2003, 05:17 AM
I have a 14yr old daughter myself.They're just going through a difficult time 7 thru 70! LOL! Tim

Ziggy
10-22-2003, 11:08 AM
Originally posted by Casanova
Rogaine and Propecia Zig,,
I'm not ashamed of it,, they really work for me.
The third cure will be time and her age.
Actually, I have a woman who's been cutting my hair for years now that has a unique devise that has been in Europe for a while, and in a few isolated places in the states for hair regeneration.....looks like a hairdryer(salon style) you sit under for 15 minutes 2-3 times a week and it bombards your scalp with laser light. I haven't been diligent on using it but others that have, have good results. All this is done under supervision of a Dr.

Casanova
10-22-2003, 03:22 PM
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/939Picture_5.jpg <--Rogaine/Propecia Cam
TP Casanova in a RiverDave beer drinking shirt that cleverly doubles as a titty bar visiting shirt if ya button the top button.

Casanova
10-22-2003, 03:36 PM
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/500/939P8220004-med.JPG
This pic shot about 5 minutes before a ASS kickin storm arrives in Parker. Note in distance approaching.
Snapped the pic after taking down the bimini and the awning on the RV.
Storms at Parker are beautiful. Lots of people sit out on the beach chairs and watch the action.
.
After a school year of hard studies,, she has a smile on her face the entire time at Parker. She lives for Parker.

6 Dollar Boat
10-23-2003, 11:37 AM
Cheerleader uniform: $100
Letterman Jacket: $150
Broken Ankle: $20,000
Teenage Daughter: Priceless
http://www.***boat.com/image_center/data/520/831106_0670_2_-med.JPG