tonights funny

[Keith]

put the kiddos to bed, read and go uuuuuuggggg
A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots
a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly
dude. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised
to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her
the rest of the night, amazed that someone so
attractive could be available to him. The next night
he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up
again,
only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and
approaches her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a hand job.
We can negotiate from there..."
"$100!?! For a handjob? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough
there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on
hand jobs.
Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what
the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most
unbelievable experience he's ever had. This hand job
was better than any complete sexual experience in his
miserable life. The next night he's back at the bar,
waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he
immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!"
"Of course it was. Just wait til you try one of my
blow jobs..."
"How much is that?" "$500" "$500!?!
C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 story apartment
building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made
on blow jobs. Trust me, it's worth it." Based on the
night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves
with her, and once again is not disappointed. He
nearly faints - twice. The next night he can hardly
contain himself until she shows up.
"I'm hooked, you're the best!
Tell me, what'll it cost me for some p*ssy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points
down the street, here between the buildings he can see
Manhattan.
"You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!"
She nods her head.
"You bet. If I had a p*ssy, I'd own Manhattan!"
sorry everyone, I did not copy/paste everything. thanks rd, for bringing this up.

[BiggusJimbus]

Yeah,
Old joke or not, you ought to finish it.

[sidewound]

I think the chick is a crossdresser!
Peace Man!:cool:
CESAR

[GlastronGuy]

:confused:

[Cheap Thrills]

I dont get it :confused:
C.T.

[sidewound]

Originally posted by sidewound
I think the chick is a crossdresser!
Peace Man!:cool:
CESAR
Transvestite, no pussy! Is that it?:confused: :confused: :confused:
Peace Man!:cool:
CESAR

[Kilrtoy]

Still waiting for punch line:confused: :confused: :confused:

[mickeyfinn]

I'll finish it for him.
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan. "You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon, You can't mean that."
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan"

[Keith]

ok, if someone doesent have a pussy, they must have a dick
get it/ huh?
kinda why does the doctor spank babies when they are born?
it knocks the dicks of the dumb ones...
get that one rd?

[Outnumbered]

Mickeyfinn's version is much better. It keeps the flow of the joke going.
OL

[Keith]

to make it up with everyone, here is a Christmas poem:
(rest asured i checked this one)
A Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude Had just hit the bedroom and reached
for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor
momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played
with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass,
clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and
eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra
on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa ********, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this
rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh,
'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out
and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now
emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came
with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he
smelled like a *****.
That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, and
I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his
pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly
down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and
some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun
with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties,
the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I
shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a
coil.
This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and
then I'll just split.
He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug
tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his
ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph,
this night's been a bitch!
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex
is that it never wears out!

[Rexone]

Nice... :D
Santa's behavior reminds me of Hoss though

[NorCal Gameshow]

Originally posted by Rexone
Nice... :D
Santa's behavior reminds me of Hoss though
true dat :D :D :D

[MsDrmr]

Okay, maybe there is something wrong with me, but personally I liked them both. I think they were funnier than s***. Thanks for sharing

[Whipped Caliber]

Question answered!!!!
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a
satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs
the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT
Question."
;)