Marriage..

[Jbb]

Marriage Proposal? Answer These Questions First!
Men who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should consider carefully before proposing marriage.
* In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square thing?"
* Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence?
* Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon.
* Have you noticed her name tattooed on three or more local bikers?
* Have you noticed three or more local bikers' names tattooed on her?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old boyfriend's?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to the Green Bay Packers?
* Does she have a wholesale source for Deodorant-in-a-Drum?
* Has she ever used the word poo-poo?
* If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?
* Does her resume include a six-year stint at Big Leg Emma's House of Painful Delights?
* Does she insist that her pet snake sleep with you both ?
* What part of NO does she not understand ?
* Will her mother be paroled in time to attend the wedding ?

[NashvilleBound]

Post wedding list, Part 2.....
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man
and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

[Infomaniac]

I'm lucky, could only answer yes to 4 of them.

[Sleek-Jet]

It's been proven in studies that married men live longer the single men.
However, it was also discovered that married men are more willing to die. :D