Does Age Really Matter In A Relationship???

[RiverKitty]

Just Curious.....
What are the pros & cons of dating/marrying someone who is:
* The same age?
* 5 years older or younger?
* 10 years older or younger?
* 15 years older or younger?
* ...........etc.
The reason I'm asking is because I just recently met this guy who is 14 years older than me. We've dated a few times and he is (so far) a genuinely wonderful person. Problem is, the few times we've went out on a date, someone will ask or assume he is my father! Aaaargh! That is SO frustrating!!! Has anyone else ever been in a situation where age was a factor? If so, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[SoCal_fun]

Originally posted by RiverKitty
Just Curious.....
What are the pros & cons of dating/marrying someone who is:
* The same age?
* 5 years older or younger?
* 10 years older or younger?
* 15 years older or younger?
* ...........etc.
The reason I'm asking is because I just recently met this guy who is 14 years older than me. We've dated a few times and he is (so far) a genuinely wonderful person. Problem is, the few times we've went out on a date, someone will ask or assume he is my father! Aaaargh! That is SO frustrating!!! Has anyone else ever been in a situation where age was to be a factor? If so, any advice would be greatly appreciated!
I mostly dated younger Women until I met my Wife. She is 5 years older than me (if you ever meet her, don't you dare tell her I told you this :eek: ).
Everything has worked out great for us, we've been married 13 years now! She looks younger than me though, maybe that helps the perception. :D
I'd say follow your heart. If he is the right one, don't let any of that other bs get to you.
Do what feels right!! :D

[LUVNLIFE]

I think RiverKitty bagged herself an 18 dockboy:eek!: :D :D

[v-drive]

RK, I will be 56 next month And my wife just turned 50. We have been married for 20 years and are inseperable. I was divorced at 30 and she at 25 and I might add that we had been neighbors for a few years. Five even ten years can work but 14 years is a stretch. You really need to search inside yourself on this one.
It doesn't sound to bad if you're 25 and he is 39 but what about when you are 40 and he is 54 and ready to retire. Do you have children? how do they feel, I know for us this was a huge hurdle and even today there are problems. following your heart is a wonderful thing to do just make sure it's what you want before you turn your heart loose. :cool: V-(old and wiser) drive

[framer1]

That's 40 and 54. That's still quite abit Is he young at heart or does he act like a old guy. The most important question does he have money:D

[v-drive]

Thanks framer, I apologize RK and ditto on the money.jK
:cool: v-drive

[No strESSEX]

My dad's 25 years older than his wife and they are extremely happy together. It goes back to "age" being a frame of mind.
RK, I say if it feels good, go for it.:D

[XTRM22]

THat's a tough call to make, it seems like older men 10-20 years is more acceptible then older women. When I was 22 I dated a lady that was 42 and had a great relationship for 6 monthes and a great friendship for years afterwards, but 20 years was just to big a spread for us. When I was 26 I dated a girl that was 5 years younger and that was a difficult relationship (felt like I was taking her on to raise). My wife and I have been togather now for 10 years, married 5, and she is 9 years older then me (but you'd never know to see us). You gotta do what makes you happy, I've always thought age was a poor guideline to base compatibility on.;)
Chuck

[JetBoatRich]

Originally posted by RiverKitty
Problem is, the few times we've went out on a date, someone will ask or assume he is my father!
Maybe not a problem at all, when you look so young;) like you:D

[diggler]

Hey RK, I dated a gal that was six years older than me.
My dad is married to a woman 20 years younger than him. They've been together 24 years. HOWEVER, now he's 62 and she's 42 and the age difference is really showing now.

[Blown 472]

I like older women cuz they have grown past all the stupid shit.

[JustMVG]

I'm 10yrs older than my wife and we have no problems what so ever. It's great!!

[betty boop]

RK - I personally don't believe that age matters in a relationship (of course if my 15 year old daughter was dating a 30 year old, then yes) but as adults, we mostly make pretty wise decisions...
when i was 21 I dated a man who was 40, then again when i was
24 I dated a man who was almost 50 - both relationships were awesome....these men knew what they wanted and i really liked the fact that they were alot more mature than the men at my age at that time - so in my opinion - age does not matter (but if it is affecting the time you do spend with this man, then maybe it does matter in the back of your mind) when you are assumed to be his daughter, make a joke of it, and the one asking is the one going to be uncomfortable!!! just my 2 cents - i hope things work out for you :)

[AzDon]

An athletic guy with an active lifestyle and sufficient funds can maintain the facade of being 20 years younger than he actually is INDEFINITELY. For the woman who bags this guy, this translates to an active, early retirement, security, and the love of a guy that probably adores his "younger hottie".....No downside! Most guys like this that I know don't appear substantially older than their younger woman though and you've stated that your guy is mistaken for your dad? Hmmm!

[Kachina26]

My cousin married an attractive fit older man. He passed away while she was 40. It was a 20 year difference. You gotta remember the men typically die first and with a large gap, you're more likely to lose him when you're still young. She was devestated as this was the love of her life. Morally speaking, I don't think it's a problem as you need to find someone who is the same as you mentally, in the same place in life as you. I've never dated women of the same age as me. I used to date a 27yo when I was 17, I even married 4 years older than me. Perhaps the biggest obstacle is, are your and his kids ok with this? Not that they make your decisions for you, but it has an effect on them too.

[HammerDown]

Originally posted by AzDon
For the woman who bags this guy, this translates to an active, early retirement, security, and the love of a guy that probably adores his "younger hottie".....No downside!
Hmmmm, I wonder how the younger "hottie wife/girlfriend" is going to feel later in the relationship when the older Husband/boyfriend is crapping in his Depends.:rolleyes:
And then the younger wife/girlfriend starts eye balling the young pool boy.

[TexasJet]

RiverKitty, If your just dating I think there are no cons as long as you both have the same likes and dislikes most of the time. Now if you start talking marriage thats a whole different can of worms. Do you want kids? Does he? Is he financially stable? Are you? Will there be a preneptual? I married a woman 15 years younger. Without going into a lot of details, if I knew then what I know now, I probably wouldn't ..... But then again maybe I would. The commitment between dating and marriage is light years apart. Good luck.

[ratso]

I'm 43, been married a few times, always to younger women because that's what I like. I stay in shape, work out usually 5 days a week. Everyone I "see" is in their 20's, most people think I look 32 to 35, so it isn't a big deal. My last wife was 12 years younger than I was. Good genes in the family help too. My dad is 68 and people think he looks like he is in his early 50's, he works every day either here at the business or out on his land and I can't even hang with the pace he goes, he was 27 and snatched up my mom at 16. All you do is take care of yourself and age doesn't have to be an issue...with one exception. My grandpa lived to be 92 and smoked a pipe every day for about 70 years. I remember after my grandmother passed away, my cousin went by every day to check on my grandpa, one day he couldn't find him where he normally was out which was out in his workshop, so he went into the house and here is my grandpa, 90 years old, banging the next door neighbor, and jumped my cousins ass for not knocking first!!!:D

[Her454]

RK- My parents were 12 years apart, dad was the older one and they were married 46 happy years. I think it really depends on what you share in common and how you feel in your heart. Follow it..... Good luck. :)

[BigBoyToys]

I'm 9 years older than my wife but we get along GREAT! Age differences don't matter as long as 2 people are truely in love:)

[HOSS]

I`m 11 years older than my wife. But I`m a pervert.
I`ve always said if I get a divorce I`m gonna find an 18 year old.:D
FFFFFAAAAALLLLLLUUUUUMMMMMMMPPP!:p

[Beautiful Noise]

Riverkitty,So with this age thing are you saying we might have a chance;) Just don't let my wife hear about this and I might live a few more year's:D
You have to follow your Heart :) :) In which direction to go,Only you can decide:) :)

[78Eliminator]

Originally posted by Blown 472
I like older women cuz they have grown past all the stupid shit.
Hell yes, and thank you for stating that. I would NEVER date a younger woman ever again. I can't stand the petty arguments, lack of self esteem and lack of world experience.

[Hallett19]

The girl I was dating before my current g/f was 10 years older exactly than I am and things were cool, but we didnt have a whole lot in common, she had money and I am still on my paper chase, so we had different goals, but I'll tell you, physically, we had the same goals !!! :D My current g/f was dating a guy 9 years older before we met and it was the same deal, not much in common, he wanted to be married and have kids..... I think it all depends on the person's maturity level or the way they act, and it seems as if you get older, its easier to swallow dating somone older, a guy who is 30 dating a 21 year old seems strange, but a 31 year old girl dating a 40 year old guy isnt as odd.

[HOSS]

Originally posted by 78Eliminator
Hell yes, and thank you for stating that. I would NEVER date a younger woman ever again. I can't stand the petty arguments, lack of self esteem and lack of world experience.
I really like the lack of experience part. being a pervert has such generous rewards.

[Dribble]

My wife is 57 years old. I am 47. When we met she was 34 and I was 24. We have been together 23 years. Always had the same goals. Started out dirt poor but we both have the same work ethic. We're not poor anymore, but I know we could be again and be OK with it.
I got into horses with her. She watched me race (and usually lose) on my dirtbike. We've both always been into boating, cars and the like. She gave up waterskiing about six years ago (bad back) but tows me when I ski.
Most people we meet have no idea of the age difference. Just recently we were told that we don't look old enough to have grandchildren (our oldest is 16).
My .02. Age doesn't matter. Common interests, common goals, a similar work ethic and general compatability matter the most.

[Freak]

It may matter later in life if the age difference is large. For example my mother in-law age "55" married her husband age "75" 22 years ago. All was good until recently when he started to physically show his age and started to slow down. I knew what was coming next when she stated that she did not want to care for him in the last good years of her life. She wanted to have fun while she still could. So she recently filed for divorce. Yeah I think it's shitty but it is reality and when we ask her what her problem is she state's that she did not think it would be a problem 22 yrs ago. So it is something to consider........

[Starloans]

Originally posted by HammerDown
Hmmmm, I wonder how the younger "hottie wife/girlfriend" is going to feel later in the relationship when the older Husband/boyfriend is crapping in his Depends.:rolleyes:
And then the younger wife/girlfriend starts eye balling the young pool boy.
I was really enjoying this thread and then someone had to go and say "depends" :D

[diggler]

Originally posted by Freak
It may matter later in life if the age difference is large. For example my mother in-law age "55" married her husband age "75" 22 years ago. All was good until recently when he started to physically show his age and started to slow down. I knew what was coming next when she stated that she did not want to care for him in the last good years of her life. She wanted to have fun while she still could. So she recently filed for divorce. Yeah I think it's shitty but it is reality and when we ask her what her problem is she state's that she did not think it would be a problem 22 yrs ago. So it is something to consider........
I know this story too. My dad is 62 and is diagnosed with leukemai. (he's in remission now). Anyways, his 42 year old wife that he's been with for 24 years now wants to go play the field. Divorce proceedings are imminent, but delayed due to an attempt at counseling. I feel sorry for my dad.

[Freak]

Originally posted by diggler
I know this story too. My dad is 62 and is diagnosed with leukemai. (he's in remission now). Anyways, his 42 year old wife that he's been with for 24 years now wants to go play the field. Divorce proceedings are imminent, but delayed due to an attempt at counseling. I feel sorry for my dad.
Damn dig that sucks I'm glad your dad is in remission. My feelings about the women in our posts :confused: :mad: :yuk:

[diggler]

Now I'm not women-bashing here, but of the eight or so divorces or separations of friends/family all were instigated by the wife.
WTF is up with that? None of the guys cheated, but their wives did and fell in love with someone else, or they got bored and wanted out regardless of the consequences. Make me glad I didn't get married in my twenties, or at all for that matter!

[RiverKitty]

Whew! This will probably be a long one!
First I want to thank everyone for all your wonderful responses!
I'll try to answer some of the questions and concerns that you have voiced throughout your posts.
I think it might be helpful if you knew a little bit of my background. I was married at 17 to a guy who was 3 years older than me and I really never had the opportunity to date other people. We divorced after ten years at which time I immediately married my second husband who was 8 months younger than me. Turns out he was physically and mentally abusive to both myself and my children from the first marriage.......*while* I was pregnant with his child. Needless to say, that marriage lasted a little over a year and the divorce was *very* ugly! After being traumatized by that marriage/divorce, I have chosen to remain single for the last seven years. I believe it may have taken that long to regain my self-esteem and to heal.
Since then, I have finally had the opportunity to date and meet several good men, many of which would have been able to support me and my children financially for the rest of our lives. However, that's not what I was/am looking for. I am now able to see "red flags" and know if this is not a person I would be able to live with long term. I wasn't "looking", but stumbled across a man who has a good heart, is genuine, compassionate and caring....everything I'm looking for in a man....he just happens to be 14 years older than me. He is young at heart and filled with a good sense of humor. He gets along great with my children and they like him as well. Neither of us want to have anymore children....I think I have enough already! *wink* For whatever reason, he makes me feel comfortable and happy when I'm around him. He really does care for me a lot as well as my children.
As for the "Depends" issue, I use to work at a nursing home as a nurses aide when I was younger, so I'm used to changing those and do not have a problem with it. As a matter of fact, it came in handy when my brother died at the age of 28 of a brain tumor. The last few months before he died, I spent many months changing his depends as well as bathing him, dressing him, changing his sheets, etc. It really didn't bother me. When you love someone, all that stuff is irrelevant. I don't believe I am the type of person who would leave someone I love just because their health is failing......it's not in my nature. If anything, I think it would be the "most important" time to stay with them! Remember, it doesn't matter if it's a male or female who evacuates a loved one is in need; it is what is in their nature and/or how selfish they are.
By the way Diggler, so sorry to hear about your father. I'm glad to hear he is in remission and I know those that truly love him will never leave him.
I still have no idea if him or I will become serious or not, but I thought it would helpful to get opinions from others in the event that it *might* happen.
I hope this has answered some of your questions and again, THANK YOU for all your responses! It has helped out tremendously!!!
Cheers ~RiverKitty :D

[Starloans]

YOU GO RIVERKITTY! :D
Sounds like you have your ducks in a row.
BTW, does either your new man or yourself have a boat? If so, you have the complete package. Good luck.
:D

[MRS FLYIN VEE]

Kitty
it took a while to read all the replies that were givin to you.. but i think as long as you , he and the kids are happy it really shouldn't matter what anyone says or thinks.. i do understand your hezitations because of the past but if you are happy that is all that should matter.. good luck and stay wise.. ;)

[Kilrtoy]

Age is only a number,
What matters is your enjoyment

[JustMVG]

River kitty, i went into my relationship, knowing she had three girls, 5,7,and11, scared to death that they would not like me and things would end soon, well they did, but mom stuck it out, and things are awesome now, they feel as if they are my daughters, i take nothing away from the real dad, he see's them every other week, but they have me as the role model, which if this were younger days i would reaallly question why me as a role model.
I write this to let you know there are men out there that will love you and love your kids, unconditonally, they might be hard to find or found Hard, either way they do exist.
Good Luck, Mike and Margaret VG

[Wicky]

Not if your Hugh Heffner!!!!!!:D :D :D

[Beautiful Noise]

Originally posted by RiverKitty
I still have no idea if him or I will become serious or not, but I thought it would helpful to get opinions from others in the event that it *might* happen.....RiverKitty :D
So what your saying is................I still might have a Chance then ;) ;) :D
God I hope my wife doesn't find out:eek: :D
RiverKitty your a Smart ,Intelligent Young Woman I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the Right choice for you:D

[wsm9808]

My wife is 14 1/2 years younger than me. When we first started dating she didnt know my age, and when it finally came up she freaked out and we almost stopped dating because of it. But we had been together long enough to know each other and were very well matched and happy so we kept dating to see how it turned out. Three years later we got married and are very happy.
My advise, if you like the man, just keep dating him like you would any other guy and see where it goes. If you are too different, or the age causes problems, you will see it.