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FMluvswater
01-25-2004, 07:09 PM
Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like ........ Vacations ...... They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like ........ Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like ........ Blenders ...... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ...... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ........ Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like ........ Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like ........ Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ........ Popcorn ........ They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like ........ Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Infomaniac
01-25-2004, 07:14 PM
Hey I resemble some of those. ;)
How about this one:
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men
have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love
kids, are extremely good looking and help with the house work. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids,
are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day.

Kim Hanson
01-25-2004, 07:16 PM
How's this.........( . )( . ).............:D
A new two-year degree is being offered at Life University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming A Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man -- as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 - Combatting Stupidity
MEN 102 - You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 - PMS Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 - We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 - Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 - Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 - Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 - Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 - Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A - What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 - How NOT to Act Like an Asshole When You're Wrong
MEN 121 - Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 - YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 - Reasons to Give Flowers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 - You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 - Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
MEN 201 - How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 202 - How to Put the Toilet Seat Down Elective (See electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 - The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 - How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 - You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 - Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise, Especially When Naked
MEN 230A - Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 - Omitting f*ck from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 - Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 - Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 - Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B - Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2
Course Electives:
EAT 101 - Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 - Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 - Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 - Mothers-in-Law
MEN 232 - Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 - Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001B - Cheaper to Keep Her (Must Pass ECON 001A)

Kim Hanson
01-25-2004, 07:19 PM
What is the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Men will screw anything.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why don't men eat more M & M's? They are too hard to peel.
What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50? Gifted.
What's a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
Why are blond jokes so short? So men can remember them.
What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares!
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know - it's never happened.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
What's a man's idea of housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
What did God say after he created man? I can do better than this.
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote between his toes.

GlastronGuy
01-25-2004, 07:25 PM
Men are ... (http://www.antra.dk/diff_men_female.mpg)
Curtesory of JBB.
:)

FMluvswater
01-25-2004, 07:32 PM
I love that!! LMAO!! Where can I get me a man like that? :D

CEO
01-25-2004, 07:41 PM
GREAT Video!!! It's the women who .........................:)