maxwedge
03-30-2006, 12:04 PM
:D .Imagine it's 1996......
1)Against your better judgement, leave work way too late on a friday in the fall and head for Lake Mead marina with 6 or 7 people, three large dogs, a shitload of beer, a few friends, some co-workers you don't particularly like, and someone elses recently purchased, and completely untested POS 1979 19ft Hawaian I/O.
2) About the time you reach Boulder City, realize you left the boat battery on the charger in a garage 25 miles behind you.
3) Sit around drinking beer for an hour while Maxwedge goes back to retrieve the battery, because "he knows what it looks like".
4)Launch heavily overloaded boat in complete darkness, then realize the Nav lights are DOA.
5) Nominate Maxwedge, as the only one of the group with any mechanical ability, to half-ass rig the nav light wireing with masking tape, while everybody else gets drunker. Have him hook up the battery while he's at it
6) Nominate Max to hold rear light pole and wires together as you head out, because the light mount is broken, the masking tape didn't hold, and you don't want boat to look Ileagal to the athorities, now do you?
7) Nominate drunkest person to drive, because everyone else is either wasted, has never driven a power boat before, or refuses on the grounds they don't wish to be arrested. Chastise Max for being a pu$$y when he suggests the boat is the "Coast Guards worst nightmare."
8) Head out of lake mead marina into the pitch black darkness and realize you can't see shit, but continue anyway until you can no longer see the marina marker lights either. You are headed to "This really cool spot about six miles across the lake." Nobody on the boat has ever been there.
9) Once you are completely dissoriented in the middle of the lake, and it's so dark you can't see your hand in front of your face, ask Max why the chevy 350 next to him is backfiring loudly, and the boat won't go over 20MPH. Nominate Max to fix problem while everybody else sits around getting drunker. Wonder aloud why Max is getting pissy.
10) Argue drunkenly with Max for about half an hour about why he should be able to diagnose and fix a flat camshaft lobe, with no tools, in pitch black darkness, on somebody elses boat. Mind you this boat is currently floating in the middle of a lake, with no lights, because Max is no longer holding the wires together himself, and nobody else seems to think lights are important.
11) Decide to head back, but realize nobody really knows what direction that is anymore.
11) Realize 20MPH seems really fast when the rocky shoreline suddenly appears out of the darkness 10 feet in front of the boat, too late for your drunk driver to react. At this time, you will hear 6 people and three dogs all yelling "OHHH SHITTT!!!" in unison. Promptly followed by someone yelling, "Don't let the coolers sink!"
!2) Marvel at the amazing strudiness of Hawaiian's hull as is glides effertlessly up onto the the "rocks" then slides back down into the water without so much as a single cracking or scraping sound.
13) Shock turns to relief as you realize you just bounced off the breakwater, and it is lined with old tires. Appearently somebody anticipated this type of thing happens, and watches out for idiots?
14) Head back to the marina, which is now easy enough to find by cruising along the breakwater towards the light at the end of it. Load up the boat, drive to nearby campground. Pitch a tent, start a fire, get drunk, and enjoy the rest of the evening. :D
1)Against your better judgement, leave work way too late on a friday in the fall and head for Lake Mead marina with 6 or 7 people, three large dogs, a shitload of beer, a few friends, some co-workers you don't particularly like, and someone elses recently purchased, and completely untested POS 1979 19ft Hawaian I/O.
2) About the time you reach Boulder City, realize you left the boat battery on the charger in a garage 25 miles behind you.
3) Sit around drinking beer for an hour while Maxwedge goes back to retrieve the battery, because "he knows what it looks like".
4)Launch heavily overloaded boat in complete darkness, then realize the Nav lights are DOA.
5) Nominate Maxwedge, as the only one of the group with any mechanical ability, to half-ass rig the nav light wireing with masking tape, while everybody else gets drunker. Have him hook up the battery while he's at it
6) Nominate Max to hold rear light pole and wires together as you head out, because the light mount is broken, the masking tape didn't hold, and you don't want boat to look Ileagal to the athorities, now do you?
7) Nominate drunkest person to drive, because everyone else is either wasted, has never driven a power boat before, or refuses on the grounds they don't wish to be arrested. Chastise Max for being a pu$$y when he suggests the boat is the "Coast Guards worst nightmare."
8) Head out of lake mead marina into the pitch black darkness and realize you can't see shit, but continue anyway until you can no longer see the marina marker lights either. You are headed to "This really cool spot about six miles across the lake." Nobody on the boat has ever been there.
9) Once you are completely dissoriented in the middle of the lake, and it's so dark you can't see your hand in front of your face, ask Max why the chevy 350 next to him is backfiring loudly, and the boat won't go over 20MPH. Nominate Max to fix problem while everybody else sits around getting drunker. Wonder aloud why Max is getting pissy.
10) Argue drunkenly with Max for about half an hour about why he should be able to diagnose and fix a flat camshaft lobe, with no tools, in pitch black darkness, on somebody elses boat. Mind you this boat is currently floating in the middle of a lake, with no lights, because Max is no longer holding the wires together himself, and nobody else seems to think lights are important.
11) Decide to head back, but realize nobody really knows what direction that is anymore.
11) Realize 20MPH seems really fast when the rocky shoreline suddenly appears out of the darkness 10 feet in front of the boat, too late for your drunk driver to react. At this time, you will hear 6 people and three dogs all yelling "OHHH SHITTT!!!" in unison. Promptly followed by someone yelling, "Don't let the coolers sink!"
!2) Marvel at the amazing strudiness of Hawaiian's hull as is glides effertlessly up onto the the "rocks" then slides back down into the water without so much as a single cracking or scraping sound.
13) Shock turns to relief as you realize you just bounced off the breakwater, and it is lined with old tires. Appearently somebody anticipated this type of thing happens, and watches out for idiots?
14) Head back to the marina, which is now easy enough to find by cruising along the breakwater towards the light at the end of it. Load up the boat, drive to nearby campground. Pitch a tent, start a fire, get drunk, and enjoy the rest of the evening. :D