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ahhell
04-03-2004, 08:35 AM
The White House began airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of 9/11 in the ads. He said it is unconscionable to use the tragic memory of a war in order to get elected unless, of course, it's the Vietnam War." -Jay Leno
"John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy.Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take the country back? See, he knows how the wealthy think. He can spy on them at his country club, at his place in Palm Beach, at his house in the Hamptons. He's like a mole for the working man." -Jay Leno
"I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal." -David Letterman
"John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president.Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle." -Craig Kilborn
"Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate. They say that because John Edwards still has $50 million in campaign money,Kerry might pick him. Pick him? Hey, for $50 million, Kerry will marry him." -Jay Leno
"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton." -David Letterman
"It really kind of looks like now that John Kerry is on his way to the presidential nomination. The only thing that can sink John Kerry now is an Al Gore endorsement." -Jay Leno
"According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that's why John Kerry had all that Botox - his back was killing him from all that flip-flopping on issues." -Jay Leno
"An Internet rumor claims that John Kerry had an affair with a young woman. When asked if this was similar to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, a spokesman said 'Close, but no cigar.'" -Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"Presidential campaign getting kind of ugly, did you hear about this? Yesterday, a 27-year-old woman came forward to deny rumors that she had an affair with Democratic front-runner John Kerry. The woman added, "I would never cheat on Bill Clinton.'" -Conan O'Brien
"The head of the AFL-CIO endorsed John Kerry, saying, 'The time has come to stand behind one man, one leader, one candidate.' Then he said, 'And until we find that man, we will endorse John Kerry.'" -Conan O'Brien
"The Democrats are all over this. Democratic strategists feel John Kerry's war record means he can beat Bush. They say when it comes down to it voters will always vote for a war hero over someone who tried to get out of the war. I'll be sure to mention that to Bob Dole when I see him." -Jay Leno
"They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and his second wife, his current wife, is worth around $700 million. So when John Kerry says he's going after the wealthy in this country, he's not just talking.He's doing it!" -Jay Leno

Kachina26
04-03-2004, 08:40 AM
Surely you have chores to do. Get off the computer and get to work.

ahhell
04-03-2004, 08:48 AM
actually im getting ready to go out and bolt down the poles to the "toy" cover...unfortunately i'll be doing it alone cuz my help is at THE F*&$#ING RIVER...im not bitter...:burningm:

Kachina26
04-03-2004, 09:42 AM
I'd come help, but I've got chores piled up since I've spent the last 3 weeks at the river.