PDA

View Full Version : Evolution of LIberals & Conservatives



spectratoad
04-07-2004, 06:08 AM
Kinda long but true:D
Subject: Where do liberals and conservatives come from?
> The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred
> some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans
> coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the
> pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal
> innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the
> occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct
> subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning
> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been
> invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery.
> That's how villages were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while
> they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative
> movement.
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to
> live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing
> women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
> beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually
> became women.
>
> Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of
> group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and
> meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in
> democracy at that time because most of them were still women back then,
> and the conservatives fed them.
>
> Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal
> on earth.
> Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
>
> Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer
> white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like
> their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal menus..
> Their women have more testosterone than the men. Liberals like deviant
> sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city
> governments were Sodom and Gomorra.
>
> Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group
> therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in
> baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer.
> They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are
> big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
> medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers,
> athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside
> government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who
> want to work for a living.
>
> Liberals do not produce anything.
> They like to "govern" the producers and decide what is to be done with
> the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
> Americans. That is why most of the liberals just stayed in Europe when
> conservatives were coming to America.
>
> Conservatives have principles; believe in a Creator, and the Rule of
> Law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their
> churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the
> Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a changing
> world. They believe in the concept of truth.
>
> Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing
> production of conservatives and undermining principled references such
> as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue
> because they always do whatever is best for them without regard to
> others. They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not give to
> charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice.
> They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money
> which they vote away from conservatives.
>
> Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own
> guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals.
> They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and
> other foreign criminals.
>
> Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense.
> They disarm conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal
> armies with guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who
> abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own
> self-indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals
> believe in BIG government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate
> answer.
>
> Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries,
> convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been
> charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot
> liberals from other countries who want to govern our country.
> Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a
> bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts. When
> sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't
> explain their reasons.
>
> Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as
> the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting
> on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other
> common criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce
> anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money. They
> consider it against the law to reference any source of law such as the
> Bible or Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as
> they go and do what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model.
>
> The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A
> hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find
> the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands,
> and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might
> locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't
> been born yet."
>
>
> So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?

malcolm
04-07-2004, 07:52 AM
Any chances on getting the Reader's Digest version of these posts? We haven't got all day. :)

spectratoad
04-07-2004, 08:01 AM
Notice the first line of the post:wink:
And would that be the large print version?

HCS
04-07-2004, 08:13 AM
Ya, we got work to do.:p :D

Dave C
04-07-2004, 08:35 AM
that about sums it up.....