Reply With QuoteThats funny. A Nooner!!!
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at
a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three
very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures
had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator
of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the
painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour
explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a
predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some
serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and
sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a young man in a West Virginia T-shirt approached
the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really
about?" "Now why would you be more of an expert than the curator of the
gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he
replied. "In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all. They're
just three West Virginia coal-miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch."
Thats funny. A Nooner!!!
This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store....
Bubba was fixing
a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary
Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store Mary Louise saw a
beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob, the
manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Joe Bob was finished, Mary
Louise asked how much for the teapot. Joe Bob replied, "That's silver and it
costs $100!" "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise
exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her
to buy, and Joe Bob went to the backroom to find it.
From the backroom Joe Bob yelled, "Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that
hinge?" To which Mary Louise replied, "No, but I will for the teapot.
Two men are driving through Georgia when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and WHACK! The cop smacks him in the head with the stick. "What the hell was that for," the driver asks. "You're in Georgia, Boy," the trooper answers. "When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." "I'm sorry, Officer," the driver says, "I'm not from
around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean--and gives the guy his license back.
The trooper THEN walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and HACK! The trooper smacks HIM on the head with the nightstick. "What'd you do that for,?" the passenger asks. "Just making your wish come true," replies the trooper. "Making WHAT wish come true," the passenger asks. "Because I know that two miles down the
road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!'"
Super Troopers!!!!!!!! LMFAO
Today is my daughters 18th birthday.......
I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment.Month after month, year after year, those payments!
I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your Mama's house; you tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, then I want you to come back here and tell me the _expression she had on her face."
So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was so anxious to hear what the witch had to say and what she looked like.
As my baby girl walked though the door, I said, "Well now .. what did she have to say?"
"She told me to tell you that you ain't my
Daddy."
A fireman is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl riding down the sidewalk in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat The fireman walks out to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," he says admiringly. "Thanks, Mister Fireman," the girl says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the
girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner,"
the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, "I think you could go faster." The little girl replies sweetly, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state of North Carolina. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather....... "are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied...."those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal." That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes....so he asked again...."Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says...... "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore!" Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass......."Grandfather, your dog won't let me out," he complained. Without diverting his attention from the football game, his Grandfather shouted...... "Coldwater, move your ass and let him pass."
An old man, a boy and a donkey were heading to town. The boy rode the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along, the passed some people who remarked that it was a shame that the old man walked while the young boy rode. The man and the boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame he makes the little boy walk!" So they decided that they would both walk. Soon they passed some people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride, so they both rode the donkey.
Eventually they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful it was to put such a load on the poor donkey. The man and the boy decided they were probably right so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the donkey, which fell in the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
<
<
<
<
<
<
<
<
If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye!!
Posting Permissions